Hey girl, I dont have answers. But I can say that you are making a real effort to bond with the girl. It should be your partners job to help you to bond with his daughter and not just pass her to you and expect you to do the work.
I have 3 kids. My middle one has a more difficult personality. He cries more easily and is just more easily irritable. I know that its harder for someone else to bond with him (compared to my other 2 kids) and I DONT expect them to. My friends husband who stayed with us and he commented a couple of times about how needy my kid is and other comments.
I KNOW he didnt mean it badly. And I didnt take his comments personally either. He doesnt have a child AND its true!!! My child IS needy. I know that! Of course it didnt feel good to hear someone say that, but did I get mad at him?? No! Irritated? Maybe.
But he had EVERY right to say what he thinks!!!! And even the mother bear in me has to be restrained at eating him up for being truthful.
And while I have to put up with my childs not-so-ideal behaviour, I dont EVER expect someone else to. Biting and hitting is a total NO-GO for me. The child should NEVER bite or hit. I have to say this is NOT your fault. Theres something wrong with a child that bites and hits. I would talk to her mom about this issue. And I would also ask if your partner allows you to discipline his child. Honestly, if I have NO right to discipline a child, that child is NOT my child. Then Im just a babysitter and nothing else. If Im expected to bond with the child and treat her like my child, then the discipline has to come with it and that includes discipline for biting and hitting. NO adult should ever have to take any biting and hitting from a child.
I do feel some of the comments here were pretty pointy and I would feel offended if I were you. You wanted to rant and I feel you should be allowed to rant without anybodys judgement. Its definitely NOT your fault that the child is behaving like that. You do sound like youre trying your best to make the relationship work. BnB should be a positive environment where women support each other and not tear each other down.
I know as a mom, its hard to hear a critique of your child. But we live in a real world. Id rather my children live in a real world where people are free to discipline my children and tell them their flaws than sugar-coat everything and they grow up thinking they are in the Center of the universe. Sorry. Im Asian and the Asian upbringing is very practical and not at all, shes just a child, You are the adult, deal with it!!!
I dont want to get into a fight with anybody here. But I want to show my support for you and I believe you need to do what you need to do. Draw your boundaries. You shouldnt be expected to be pregnant, take care of your own son whom you only get to see once in 2 weeks AND bond with a tough kid at the same time! Theres a time and season for everything. Right now, you have enough on your plate with the pregnancy. Id say put yourself first, take care of yourself and baby and dont spread yourself out too thin.
And have an honest talk with your partner about expectations. What does he expect of you? And maybe even draw boundaries .... for example, when his child is there, he has to be around her when you are around. Then he can witness her behaviour with you and be the familiar face for her. At this point, if I were you, I wouldnt want to be alone with a child that hits and bites me. That behavioural problem has to shift first.
