WishinNHopin
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- Mar 21, 2016
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Hello Everyone,
Even as I type this, I am fighting tears as my husband sleeps beside me. We just celebrated our anniversary in Disney World, but I had trouble even enjoying the trip. We've been trying to conceive for about 8 months now. The night before leaving for our anniversary trip, my husband's younger brother and his wife video chatted my husband to tell him that he's going to be an uncle. I was in the other room and vaguely overheard it. My husband didn't tell me. I finally asked him about it the next day once we got to Florida. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me or ruin our trip and that he planned to tell me once we returned. I felt lied to, but really I wished I hadn't overheard the video chat at all.
In my family, I'm amongst the oldest of the cousins, first to graduate college, first to receive a master's degree, and I'm constantly trying to pave the way in a positive way. You'd think I would get to be the first to marry or have children, but no. One 19 year old marries with oopsy baby bump at the ceremony, marriage over within 6 months. Another wedding, but over within a year. Then, another oopsy baby for the 20ish year old cousin and his girlfriend, both morons and everyone is so excited about these babies having a baby. I was constantly thinking to myself, am I the crazy one for thinking this is all crazy?
Now me, I'm married, good job, happy overall, but can't seem to get pregnant. Meanwhile everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant or having their baby in what seemed like an split second. I find myself unfollowing people on Facebook, changing TV channels, and even walking away from conversations if they get on the topic of babies. And I also find myself hating people who get pregnant accidentally and jealous of others who have been successful. I constantly feel like I'm competing with other couples. At the same time, I don't wish anything negative upon them of course; I just wish I didn't have to know. I wish I had blinders on when it comes to anything baby and pregnancy related for others.
Ignorance is bliss I guess.
Writing this is helping... I think... I hope.
How can I ignore what's going on with others and focus on my/our journey only? How do you get past the resentment towards others?
Even as I type this, I am fighting tears as my husband sleeps beside me. We just celebrated our anniversary in Disney World, but I had trouble even enjoying the trip. We've been trying to conceive for about 8 months now. The night before leaving for our anniversary trip, my husband's younger brother and his wife video chatted my husband to tell him that he's going to be an uncle. I was in the other room and vaguely overheard it. My husband didn't tell me. I finally asked him about it the next day once we got to Florida. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me or ruin our trip and that he planned to tell me once we returned. I felt lied to, but really I wished I hadn't overheard the video chat at all.
In my family, I'm amongst the oldest of the cousins, first to graduate college, first to receive a master's degree, and I'm constantly trying to pave the way in a positive way. You'd think I would get to be the first to marry or have children, but no. One 19 year old marries with oopsy baby bump at the ceremony, marriage over within 6 months. Another wedding, but over within a year. Then, another oopsy baby for the 20ish year old cousin and his girlfriend, both morons and everyone is so excited about these babies having a baby. I was constantly thinking to myself, am I the crazy one for thinking this is all crazy?
Now me, I'm married, good job, happy overall, but can't seem to get pregnant. Meanwhile everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant or having their baby in what seemed like an split second. I find myself unfollowing people on Facebook, changing TV channels, and even walking away from conversations if they get on the topic of babies. And I also find myself hating people who get pregnant accidentally and jealous of others who have been successful. I constantly feel like I'm competing with other couples. At the same time, I don't wish anything negative upon them of course; I just wish I didn't have to know. I wish I had blinders on when it comes to anything baby and pregnancy related for others.
Ignorance is bliss I guess.
Writing this is helping... I think... I hope.
How can I ignore what's going on with others and focus on my/our journey only? How do you get past the resentment towards others?