TTC after a fullterm stillbirth

[Natnee]

That sounds like a lovely idea. We've got a special box that we were given in the hospital. There's a local charity to us that provide the memory boxes. It had a candle, 2 little teddies (one was buried with Poppy), a little charm, a memory stick which had poems and useful info on. They did her foot and hand prints, took photos in the hospital and also someone came in to take casts of her hands and feet which we have as a little plaque. We also took a lock of her hair so that's all in there. Did you have anything like that for Max at the hospital? There's also another charity that provided a cool cot, so Poppy could stay with us all night in the room.

I like to try and talk about Poppy all the time with Belle so she doesn't forget. We have a picture of Poppy, that was drawn by sister in law. I don't really know how much Belle understands of what really happened, she was just about to turn 4 when Poppy died. We often take her to Poppy's grave. She still refers to the nursery as Poppy's room. Although when she started school last year and they did 'families' she didn't include Poppy in a picture she did of her family.

 

[thumpette]

Yeah we had a similar box from the still birth charity here. No foot or hand casts which I would have loved but have the prints and the lock of hair and the teddy and little candles and blankets. The book thing for me is more for telling the story in the future of things we do for Max. I think all of the little bits we have in whatever form are so precious.

That must have been tough when Belle didn't draw Poppy in the picture- though it's lovely she still talks about her room. Would you help her draw another picture and maybe encourage her to draw a rainbow in the sky as the end to show that her sister is around and sends a rainbow sometimes to brighten the sky and make you all smile. Then maybe she'll always think of Poppy when she sees a rainbow just like you? Xxx

 

[Natnee]

Yeah we had a similar box from the still birth charity here. No foot or hand casts which I would have loved but have the prints and the lock of hair and the teddy and little candles and blankets. The book thing for me is more for telling the story in the future of things we do for Max. I think all of the little bits we have in whatever form are so precious.

That must have been tough when Belle didn't draw Poppy in the picture- though it's lovely she still talks about her room. Would you help her draw another picture and maybe encourage her to draw a rainbow in the sky as the end to show that her sister is around and sends a rainbow sometimes to brighten the sky and make you all smile. Then maybe she'll always think of Poppy when she sees a rainbow just like you? Xxx

She actually does draw rainbows quite often, there's one she's drawn stuck to the side of her bed. Next time she draws one I will have to say how I love her drawing rainbows and that it makes me think of Poppy when I see them!

I love my little hand and feet cast as it's 3d, rather than being just an imprint, so it's like I can stroke her feet and feel her hand.

 

[thumpette]

Yeah we had a similar box from the still birth charity here. No foot or hand casts which I would have loved but have the prints and the lock of hair and the teddy and little candles and blankets. The book thing for me is more for telling the story in the future of things we do for Max. I think all of the little bits we have in whatever form are so precious.

That must have been tough when Belle didn't draw Poppy in the picture- though it's lovely she still talks about her room. Would you help her draw another picture and maybe encourage her to draw a rainbow in the sky as the end to show that her sister is around and sends a rainbow sometimes to brighten the sky and make you all smile. Then maybe she'll always think of Poppy when she sees a rainbow just like you? Xxx

She actually does draw rainbows quite often, there's one she's drawn stuck to the side of her bed. Next time she draws one I will have to say how I love her drawing rainbows and that it makes me think of Poppy when I see them!


I love my little hand and feet cast as it's 3d, rather than being just an imprint, so it's like I can stroke her feet and feel her hand.

Yeah I'd have loved something 3d- tried to get them done but the places we called you had to bring the baby into the shop- we weren't up to explaining why that wasn't possible. Anyway I think no matter how many momentos we'd gotten it would never be enough.

I got the results of the post mortem yesterday. Max was totally perfect. The placenta had a problem with the maturity of the blood vessels which meant he wasn't getting enough nutrients in the end. It's so awful to know how close he was. On the positive they reckon there's no additional risk of this happening to me again and no reason to not try to get pregnant as soon as possible.

 

[Natnee]

Oh Thumpette, so sorry. But at least it's good that there's no risk to try again. It's horrible isn't it that there wasn't really anything wrong as such that caused it. Hope you are ok.

Well I'm feeling sorry for myself today, af has arrived 2 days early. Here's been me looking for rainbows as a sign again! Although last week we saw a rainbow and I said to Belle that we can pretend that it's Poppy sending the rainbows and she seemed to like the idea.

 

[thumpette]

Oh no, so sorry to hear that. I hope next month is luckier!

That's lovely about thinking about the rainbow as a message xxx

 

[charlie15]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy Max. He really is beautiful. Reading your thread while about TTC afterwards really resonates with me as we lost our daughter Zoe on 25th January and I am in 2 minds, one the one hand I am petrified of being pregnant again but one the other I want yo be. For me I have to wait as my birth was traumatic resulting due to abruption and an emergency Csec and some time for me in intensive care, so I really have no choice but to wait.

I don't know if you have read the book " and they were still born" It really touched me reading about how other people keep their babies alive and what legacies they have left. I totally know what you mean about wanting to remember forever, I have been so afraid that we will forget Zoe, but how can you?

I saw your blog, I have not had the chance to read it all but I have the same star that I also bought after Zoe died xxx

 

[thumpette]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy Max. He really is beautiful. Reading your thread while about TTC afterwards really resonates with me as we lost our daughter Zoe on 25th January and I am in 2 minds, one the one hand I am petrified of being pregnant again but one the other I want yo be. For me I have to wait as my birth was traumatic resulting due to abruption and an emergency Csec and some time for me in intensive care, so I really have no choice but to wait.

I don't know if you have read the book " and they were still born" It really touched me reading about how other people keep their babies alive and what legacies they have left. I totally know what you mean about wanting to remember forever, I have been so afraid that we will forget Zoe, but how can you?

I saw your blog, I have not had the chance to read it all but I have the same star that I also bought after Zoe died xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. The book sounds lovely- I'll definitely look it out. I hope you are physically doing ok- I guess you have to wait at least 6 months do you? X

 

[charlie15]

Thank you. I would think at least 6 months. I will wait and see what my obstetrician says at my de briefing which should be soon.

I am not sure I could manage any time sooner tbh though. Are you TTC now?have you been told what extra care you will get in your next pregnancy? I have been lucky enough to be supported by an amazing bereavement midwife and I know in another pregnancy I can see her throughout and get more reassurance scans should I want them. I hope you got good support too? I hear of some women not seeing a bereavement midwife at all.

 

[thumpette]

Thank you. I would think at least 6 months. I will wait and see what my obstetrician says at my de briefing which should be soon.

I am not sure I could manage any time sooner tbh though. Are you TTC now?have you been told what extra care you will get in your next pregnancy? I have been lucky enough to be supported by an amazing bereavement midwife and I know in another pregnancy I can see her throughout and get more reassurance scans should I want them. I hope you got good support too? I hear of some women not seeing a bereavement midwife at all.

We're actively TTC already. I didn't think I was back ovulating but I've been temping and I got crosshairs now to say I oved last Friday. I don't think our timing was great if that is correct, last bd before that was Tues night- possible but unlikely.

Yeah there's probably something to be said for an enforced waiting period. I was keen to TTC right away because of how long it took with Max and there is a chance of more fertility after a baby. I'm really not sure how I'd cope emotionally if i were pregnant.

They told me I'd get lots of extra scans and be induced around 38 weeks next time. There is a bereavemebt midwife but I've had no real dealings so far. What does yours help with?

 

[charlie15]

She actually does a lot of the deliveries for still births. She obviously didn't do mine as mine as I was rushed to theatre. But she took Zoe and dressed her and took lots of lovely photos whike I was in intensive care. She came and saw me and then once I was well enough I went to the bereavement room which is a room dedicated for mothers and fathers delivering a still born baby. Dads can stay the night and it's just a much nicer room. She bought Zoe to see us there and we stayed until my discharge home. Since then she has visited me twice at home. I have her work mobile number for any questions or concerns and I can arrange to see her a the hospital now, which I did last week. I am planning on seeing her again next month to chat about a future pregnancy. Then she is available to support me then too. She really does amazing work, I feel very lucky to have had her look after me, she has been a great help.

 

[thumpette]

She actually does a lot of the deliveries for still births. She obviously didn't do mine as mine as I was rushed to theatre. But she took Zoe and dressed her and took lots of lovely photos whike I was in intensive care. She came and saw me and then once I was well enough I went to the bereavement room which is a room dedicated for mothers and fathers delivering a still born baby. Dads can stay the night and it's just a much nicer room. She bought Zoe to see us there and we stayed until my discharge home. Since then she has visited me twice at home. I have her work mobile number for any questions or concerns and I can arrange to see her a the hospital now, which I did last week. I am planning on seeing her again next month to chat about a future pregnancy. Then she is available to support me then too. She really does amazing work, I feel very lucky to have had her look after me, she has been a great help.

Wow that sounds a great support. My bereavement midwife just advised me to get an epidural for the birth. She gave her number alright but I've not been told what she can help with- maybe I'll contact her and see what she can offer.

 

[Natnee]

Hi Charlie15, so sorry to hear about your loss too. I know how you feel about being getting pregnant again, we are ttc again, but I am very anxious and scared about it. I have a bereavement midwife too, although she was only appointed in her job when we went in to get post mortem results. I had a lovely lovely midwife who helped me deliver Poppy, they were all lovely when I was in hospital. I had rather shocking treatment once I had got home and the few weeks after the birth. But when I fell pregnant again last year my bereavement midwife came to my house to see me, and as they wanted to take bloods just to check hcg levels she did that at my house. If/when I fall again she will help me getting early scans.

I got my little star plaque the other day too! xxx

 

[charlie15]

Thumpette, maybe give her a call and see what she says. Even to just talk to someone about another pregnancy or how you are feeling. As for TTC I really hope you get your BFP very soon. It's amazing how quickly the body snaps back after all we endured. It felt quite biazzare to me to think I was possibly ovulating after Zoe died.

Natnee sorry about your loss of your baby Poppy xx Great that you had a lovely midwife but I am so sorry about the poor care you received afterwards. I think I was treated so carefully by everyone as I nearly lost my own life ( sounds very melodramatic, I know, but it really is how it was) so maybe that's why I was so well cared for. But that shouldn't make a difference in my opinion. Loosing a baby is enough of a reason to give women extra special care and attention. From you signature I see you had a miscarriage after Poppy, so sorry x

 

[wildflower79]

Hi ladies, I'm so sorry to read about all of your heartbreaking losses

We lost our daughter back in August, not quite at full term - I was 30 weeks. I felt desperate to be pregnant again so we started ttc not long after, but I was really struggling and obviously not ready. After taking a couple of months break, we're now back to trying again and I'm currently in the 2ww. I'm feeling stronger than I was, but still pretty anxious.

Really wishing we all get our rainbow babies x

 

[thumpette]

Sorry for your loss wildflower. Really hope it's a short journey for your positive result with your happy outcome this time xxx

 

[Natnee]

Hi wildflower, sorry about your baby girl. It's horrible how we are having to 'meet' in these circumstances isn't it. Good luck to you in your 2ww! I'm just approaching my ovulation time, hopefully over the weekend. Doing opk's for 2nd month, but first time using last month wasn't quite successful, had weird results!!

I was feeling ok this morning, the sun is shining, I've cleaned the inside of the car (really needed doing!) makes me feel better when I get a job done like that!! So then I go onto Facebook and see that a friend, a mum who has a daughter at Belle's school is pregnant again. And she has another little girl. Makes me feel sort of angry thinking 'you've got 2 why have anymore'. It's already horrible doing the school run as there's so many other mums who have recently had babies. Now I feel pants again.

 

[charlie15]

Hi wildflower, sorry about your baby girl. It's horrible how we are having to 'meet' in these circumstances isn't it. Good luck to you in your 2ww! I'm just approaching my ovulation time, hopefully over the weekend. Doing opk's for 2nd month, but first time using last month wasn't quite successful, had weird results!!

I was feeling ok this morning, the sun is shining, I've cleaned the inside of the car (really needed doing!) makes me feel better when I get a job done like that!! So then I go onto Facebook and see that a friend, a mum who has a daughter at Belle's school is pregnant again. And she has another little girl. Makes me feel sort of angry thinking 'you've got 2 why have anymore'. It's already horrible doing the school run as there's so many other mums who have recently had babies. Now I feel pants again.

I know what you mean, every Facebook announcement of a 2nd or 3rd baby kicks me in the stomach as well as seeing families of 2. I guess it's natural to feel like this, anger at the unfairness of it all.

Hi Wildflower, sorry for your loss. My baby Zoe also had Edwards syndrome.

 

[wildflower79]

thumpette, I've just read through your blog, thank you so much for sharing it with us. Max is just gorgeous. The amount of love that you have for him comes shining through in the words and emotions you've written. The photos you had taken are amazing. I've never heard of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, but it sounds like a wonderful charity. I especially like the one with the three of you together - you make a beautiful family. I'm just so so sorry for what happened


Natnee, It must have been so difficult for you to deal with another loss after what happened to Poppy - such a beautiful name. It all just seems so cruel I totally understand your feelings about being scared of the next pregnancy. I had an early loss before losing our daughter, so was relieved to get to the 12 week mark. I was also nervous for my 20 week scan, but at the time everything still seemed fine. It wasn't till I got to 27 weeks that they realised something was wrong. I think in any future pregnancy I won't relax until I get my baby in my arms, and even then I'm still anxious something else could go wrong after that. Like you said though, I think if I don't try and put off doing it because of the fear, I will regret it in years to come.


charlie, I remember you posting a thread when your baby was diagnosed with edwards. When you said you were carrying on with your pregnancy I thought how strong and courageous you were, such a wonderful mum I'm really sorry you've not only had such a sad experience, but also a really traumatic one too. That must have been so frightening for you and your family I was told edwards was just a one off thing, and not likely to happen again in any future pregnancy.


I haven't had any dealings with a bereavement midwife. I can only assume my local hospital - we live in a smallish town, don't have anyone like that, because nobody mentioned anything. I have to say all the staff I did have dealings with, were wonderful and treated me with kindness and care. I spoke with the ante natal midwife at the hospital about future pregnancies and she said they'd want to see me straightaway and I could have a scan whenever I wanted one. It's good to know we'll be getting exrta support and reassurance.

 

[Natnee]

We are going to plant a tree at Poppy's grave this afternoon. She's buried at a natural burial ground, so once a year they have a tree planting day. We have chosen a wild cherry tree for her.