TTC over 38, Phase 3 'Baby Buddies '

[RaquelDee]

Kiley, congratulations on the arrival of Ireland. Cluster feeding can be pretty exhausting and painful but hang in there - once your supply has boosted, it gets a lot easier.

Stacey, so glad to hear that Regan got here safely. It's a shame that some of the hospital staff weren't very supportive when you were trying to establish breastfeeding. I found that everyone had a different opinion, a lot of them quite contradictory, and that some people seem to expect you to fail. My milk took 5 days to come in, and I know even longer is not uncommon. Like Jenny, I fed colostrum with a dropper and just kept trying to get her to latch. She is now a brilliant feeder (although I can't get her to take a bottle - but that's another story). You're doing great, so just persevere while you can, and don't let anyone make you doubt your decisions.

 

[StaceyM]

See this is why I need the women from the old group. You are all so wonderful. Don't any of you go anywhere

 

[Heidipie77]

Sorry you are having a hard time with the bf Stacey. I too had problems to start with. Every mw who was on shift had different advice and techniques and latch baby and said he was on fine when he wasn't. He was born late Wednesday night and it took until Sat night and a lovely mw before he was latched properly. My milk came in on the sun morning. Apparently it takes longer after a c section for milk to come in. Joe also had to be given formula to help with his jaundice and hunger but just given as a top up to bf. Even now he has top up of 2oz 3 times a day on the paediatricians advice since losing 14% from birth weight. Try not to feel bad if things don't go smoothly as they will work out for the best in the end, you are already doing great even if that means Regan goes on formula full time.

 

[Heidipie77]

Jenny - it must have tough to feel like going backwards instead of forwards with mya's sleeping. Hopefully it won't last long and she'll be back to longer sleeps. I'd love Joe to sleep more but am definitely trying to mentally prepare for a bad time of it soon.

Hi Raquel, hope you are well!

Hope you are bearing up ok Kiley!

 

[StaceyM]

Thanks Heidi. That makes me feel a lot better. I'm not glad that you had problems with needing formula as well, but it does make me feel less upset. In my case, the hospital was understaffed mid way through my induction and a bunch of things got mismanaged. I went way to long without dilating much, and then to top it all off, the epidural partially failed during my c-section, so not only do I not remember much about the birth of my child, but I was on so many drugs that I didn't do the things I was supposed to do after birth. Once again, the hospital was understaffed so no one came to help me figure out if I could bf. It was almost a day later when they tried to latch her that they realized there was a problem, and by then the discussion of formula was already in full swing. On a positive note, my colostrum finally made an appearance! I had nothing in the hospital even using a hospital grade pump, then I had two drops Friday night. Last night I pumped twice with my own pump and got 10ml total. Then just now I got 20 ml. I can't get anything hand expressing. It's not much, but I feel so much better being able to give my baby something other than formula. I hope that when my mature milk comes in that things will pick up more. My breasts are super sore, so I feel like even though it sucks, it's a good sign that my milk will come in (is coming in?). The colostrum is still very yellow...but maybe I'm transitioning


I hope you all are getting enough sleep. That's one thing I can't complain about. With my husband being around, he takes care of the baby while I pump, research breast feeding, and sleep. I only end up sleeping 6 hours a day or so, but that's mostly because I want to do other things with the baby, and I don't usually sleep much more than that normally anyway. I also find that sometimes I'm too stressed to sleep. Honestly, all of your advice has made me much calmer. I mean, things will work out. Formula isn't so terrible. I was really just worried that I would never have any milk. I get some bf coaching tomorrow as well, so maybe I can fix the latching issues soon.

 

[StaceyM]

Oh, and our thread was moved! Make sure you all take note of where we are now!

 

[Jenny Bean]

Anyone thinking about baby #2 lol.
I definitely have baby fever again but it prob unrealistic to wish for another one!
I am also struggling with sadness about returning to work even though I have until next June! Makes me sad and depressed I also have thoughts of not being a good enough mommy because I feel isolated where I live and I don't drive with the baby because I am too nervous. I feel sad she is not getting exposed to many different environments.

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[Heidipie77]

Found it! Didn't know this section existed as I never scroll this far on my phone!

Love your new pic jenny. Baby 2 has crossed my mind but the reality soon stops me. I am dreading going back to work too although not until end of June either, I just can't imagine leaving Joe with a nursery. So much so I have applied for teacher training next September which is a year long as then long term I would be off for all the school holidays with him.

Stacey, I got a bit overexcited when my milk came in as I wasn't sure anything at all was happening! Those let down pains were like tiny little daggers at times though but thankfully only lasted in the first couple of weeks.

Hi everyone else - if you can find us lol x

 

[StaceyM]

Jenny I used to live in Toronto and I have tons of family in Mississauga. If I lived closer to you still, I would totally come visit so you wouldn't feel so lonely. Is there a park near where you live that you could stroll to? Is there a mom and baby class or group that you could go too? I am also scared of the car, but I have to take her out tomorrow at 6 days old to go to the doctor... The c-section makes every bump excruciating as well.

Heidi that sound like a great plan as far as school. You should do what makes you happy if you can afford it. Money isn't everything. Jenny can you stay at home for another year? Is it feasible? If it is, then you could make that choice for yourself.

Kiley - How are things? Our babies are so close in age!

Hi Raquel!

I can't help much with the sleeping routine changes as mine sleeps all of the time right now, and I need very little sleep as a general rule. I probably don't understand yet anyway how difficult sleeping can be.

Good news for me! The public health nurse came today and she was brilliant! She took one look at my anatomy and fixed my breast feeding problems in 5 minutes flat. She told me that my breasts were on the flat side, told me to pump for 2 minutes to get my flow started, and then put a nipple shield on. Regan latched instantly and fed for a 1/2 hour. I just did it again on my own. I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be able to feed my baby. I can't believe the solution was so easy and no one even mentioned it the whole time in hospital. She explained about c-section problems and fixed the length/frequency of my pumping schedule. She also diagnosed me with thrush in one nipple from all of the drugs...When I changed breasts the pain was far less. And she fixed my nursing environment so that I don't feel like I have to nurse in bed, rather than in the chair that I bought for the nursery. How one person can fix everything in 5 minutes, and 3 days in hospital just made me frustrated, I'll never know, but at least I feel like life is good for the first time since I brought the baby home. I'm over the moon happy.

Thanks for all of your support in the interim. Honestly, I don't belong to a lot of internet groups, and when I went looking for a 35+ forum most of them weren't for me for a variety of reasons. I had a good feeling about this thread when I first joined, and I wasn't wrong. You ladies are amazing - smart, insightful, and supportive. I know I keep saying it, and maybe it's all of the hormones , but I really want you all to know how much I appreciate you.

 

[Heidipie77]

That's great news about your bf issues Stacey! Onwards and upwards now. We have bf support groups here and I also had a lady come out when Joe was 9 days old and was really great with advice on breast compressions and if baby stops sucking (starts dropping off to sleep) you can press your thumb into their palm and it triggers the sucking reflex - how cool? How did Regan get on at her appointment?

Jenny - don't feel bad about not getting about much, you can provide Mya with all the stimulation she needs for now, but you must do things for you as it can be easy to get caught in a rut. We have children's centres here in the UK with all kinds of groups on (also for baby weighing every Wed.) and we are going to baby massage starting next week. Aside from going to the supermarket and meeting up with my work colleagues for a cuppa every couple of weeks, I haven't really been doing much either but want to take lo swimming soon but am concerned how I'll manage getting in and out of the pool and getting dressed afterwards.

Joe was weighed today at 16 weeks old and is 6kg/13lb 4 still fairly small but following the curve on the chart ok.

 

[StaceyM]

The appointment was for me actually. I just needed to check my thyroid levels and get some prescription cream with a steroid to help my nipples heal better in between feedings. Regan has her first appointment on Thursday. The public health nurse was worried about her weight as well,
as we weren't making any gains due to the feeding issues at first. She is so small that they worry about her I think. She has finally made her way back up to 6 lbs 6 oz (gain of 4 oz) as of today, and (hopefully) should be back up to her birth weight at the 2 week appointment. We've been out and about a lot... With my husband off he has been driving, so I've been taking advantage of the chance to go and do things periodically. Besides everyone wanting to tell you how cute your baby is makes all of the difficulties so much more bearable.

 

[StaceyM]

Things are good here. How is everyone doing?

 

[Heidipie77]

Hi ladies, all is well here, any news from anyone?
Joe has been going through the 4 month sleep regression this past week but seeing as his sleeping wasn't great anyway it hasn't been too much of a shock (worst night he woke after each hour of sleep and took 20-30 minutes to go off again).

 

[StaceyM]

Hey Heidi. I was actually wondering about sleep. Is there anything you would recommend to get them to sleep better? Ours does sleep, but she doesn't like to be put down, so we end up holding her a lot. We've finally managed to figure out that if we get her into a deep sleep, we can gently drop her into her bassinet, but this only works sometimes; other times she realizes and starts to screech and we have to start all over again. I've noticed that websites suggest putting them to bed when they are tired, but not yet asleep. This doesn't work at all for us. Even if we pick her as soon as she cries, she will still screech until she chokes... So now we don't even try it. What are the issues with Joe? What have you tried?

Other than that, I feel like I'm feeding her constantly... Sometimes I just look at her and think "you seriously can't be hungry again!". On a positive note, she seems to finally be able to put on weight. Our home scale has her at almost 7 lbs. I hope the scale at the pediatrician says something similar...

Having my husband help has been a life saver. I normally try to deal with the nighttime issues... sometimes the feeding and calming take 2 hours, and then we wake up an hour later and start again... but once I was so tired and impatient that I woke him up (even though he had to work the next day) and he got up and took her for another hour without a single complaint. Honestly, thank the universe for supportive men.

Any other updates? Everyone is so busy I guess! I try to type quickly while my husband is changing her!

 

[Heidipie77]

Hi Stacey, I have the same time issues as you with sleep. He nurses to sleep then I am able to put him down but he does wake up sometimes (used to wake up more often and more easily when younger). He goes down at night within 15 mins now compared to around an hour when much smaller. He never just falls asleep, he naps in the day either in the carrier or on my lap when nursing and will fall asleep in the car, pram or shopping trolley. It's just something I have gotten used to and reading around the forums it seems pretty common.
He started going down easier at night at 5 weeks after I got a sleepyhead bed nest, which makes him feel snug and secure. It was expensive but so worth every penny!
I tried the hot water bottle trick to warm the sheets up before laying him down which I had a bit of success with, although tried during a hot July I think I heated the bed too much a couple of times. I tried putting a t shirt I had worn in the bed but it didn't make a difference.
As for putting him down drowsy? Would never work!
So I just do what works for now and hope things resolve themselves as he gets older.

The early weeks were certainly the toughest but you will find solutions which work to make it easier for you all, just hang in there! X

 

[StaceyM]

I just looked up the bednest. We have a bassinet that we borrowed, but that certainly looks even better than the one we have because of the side that comes down and the height adjustment. I'm wondering if it is worth it for us to buy one at this point. I might wait a week or two and see if the situation improves. She does seem a bit better as of late. Thanks for the suggestions Heidi. We are trying some similar things, but it's always nice to have more options. We swaddle her is a blanket that is stretchy and breathable, and the stretch fabric seems to work well. It's from Pimperimpin.

Well at today's appointment, Regan managed to gain the minimum amount of weight recommended over the last 10 days, but she is still behind from the first two weeks. Still the pediatrician is satisfied, so we don't have to come back until she is 2 months old. She did ask us to make sure we weigh her on our own once a week until then and to come in if there is an issue. She was 3090g or 6lbs. 13 oz today, so not too bad. She eats a lot, so that is good at least. My husband is 140 lbs soaking wet, so hopefully Regan just got his crazy metabolism and lean frame.

 

[RaquelDee]

Hi Stacey and Heidi, it sounds like you are both doing well.

I'm pretty sure that 'drowsy but awake' translates to 'crying' for the first 6-8 weeks as that was all I ever got at that point in time. I've found swaddling, then picking up and talking softly until she is calm works pretty well these days, and then I can generally put her down. She is seldom totally quiet in being put down for naps though, if she grizzles I rub her tummy until she stops, if she cries properly I pick her up and talk to her again until she stops. I've gotten pretty good at picking the sweet spot, if I cuddle her closely I can generally feel when her body relaxes and that's the moment to put her down and back away quietly! She's fine with being put down at night, oddly enough.

 

[Heidipie77]

Hi!
Raquel, sounds like you are doing great with your LO sleeping. Joe will sometimes settle in the night if I shush him and hold his hand (this is if he stirs after I have put him down asleep!). His sleeping has improved a bit since last Wednesday when he had his vaccines. They made him sleepy and it seemed to give the 4 month regression a jolt.

Swaddling is great! it worked for us in the hospital but then not as he just loves his hands so much and would always break loose! We use a baby sleeping bag now which means he is cosy when we put him down as the temperature change can wake some babies.

Stacey, I think you are looking at the bednest which is an actual crib? the one we have is a cushion with a bumper all around. Here is a link:

https://www.sleepyheadwebshop.com/en/products/sleepyhead/sleepyhead-deluxe-0-8-months.html
All sounds good with Regan's weight gain. Joe is small too, between 9th and 25th percentile on the charts. I get him weighed every 2 weeks and he is following the curve nicely. I think health professionals get too hung up on weight gain. If baby is feeding well and developing then I thimk as parents we know them best and would know if there was an issue. A health visitor was pushing me to feed him more formula to get him to go up on the chart. I ignored her - it's just a chart and there is no reason for him to go up on it, he is gaining weight and meeting the milestones ahead of time.

 

[StaceyM]

I looked at both Heidi. I wasn't sure which one you had. If you just have the cushion, do you use it in the crib or does Joe sleep in your bed with it or both? I've been finding that Regan will fall asleep more easily these days when she gets relaxed. Before rubbing her or talking to her, or waiting for her body to relax weren't totally working. I guess she's just getting used to everything. Life is hard when you are a baby

I try not to worry too much about her weight. It was just that people kept bringing it up so it started to make me think too hard about it, even though I didn't want to. She had a rough start but is gaining normally now, and really she is only 1 month old tomorrow, so that she has gained normally on breast milk for the last two weeks is good I think. The pediatrician doesn't seem terribly concerned. Regan is really strong and already doing small things ahead of time, so I agree that her strength is more important that her weight. On her tummy or back she can already push herself up a small mat using her legs, and she can use her arms to lift her head for 10-15 seconds. Thanks for the support though. I guess we both just have small babies. My husband's coworkers keep telling him that 25 years ago our baby would have been totally average, but that babies are just getting bigger these days. My husband and I eat a local, organic diet about 80% of the time (a little less during the winter), and our meat is grass fed from local farms that don't use steroids or hormones in the meat, and that don't send their animals to feedlots. I sometimes wonder if that is the reason, although the pediatrician thinks it might have been my thyroid disorder that caused her to be on the smaller side. Ah well...

I have a quick question. The pediatrician suggests not taking Regan to large gatherings, and with Christmas coming that might be tough. Apparently this cold and flu season has been really bad in my area, and she keeps seeing very sick babies. Regan is only 7 lbs at best so she doesn't have a lot of weight to lose if she were to get sick. People do come over to see her, but I'm not supposed to take her out to large parties. What do you think? What would you do?

 

[Heidipie77]

Hi Stacey, I also have a bedside crib which the sleepyhead cushion goes into. He is just next to me but a little higher up because of the sleepyhead, so co-sleeping but with him in his own area. It's been great for night time wakings as I can just reach for him without standing up (just pull myself up to a half-sit, grab baby, position for a feed, then just place him back when he drops off).

Glad you are not worrying about Regan's weight gain. It's silly that the HCP try to make all babies conform to a chart! She is doing perfectly well.

As for the illness problem, I wouldn't want to knowingly put Joe at risk of catching something, but even just going shopping would mean contact with people who may be passing illness on. At least meeting with people you know you can avoid the ones who may be sniffling and pass round the hand gel for everyone else if they want to touch the baby. I get little old ladies touching Joe's hands when I go out - how do I know if they are clean and not full of flu? Then he always has his hands in his mouth too, I'm surprised he hasn't had a cold yet (I have a virus at the moment,just a bit of a sore throat and headache - Joe doesn't seem to have it yet). i think you will be ok as long as you don't mind coming across a bit nuts about hygiene!! I took Joe out on Thursday to a coffee morning and there was a boy of about 9 there with tonsilitis. I just willed him to keep to the other side of the room, fully prepared to move away if he came within breathing distance!