Twin loss...

[lisaalove]

I feel empty, like my entire world is crashing around me. Yet I dont feel like it's fair that I'm so mad and angry and sad I just want to cry and cry. But I have two wonderful boys at home. Two healthy happy boys and I feel selfish for wanting to drown myself in my blankets and never come out. I am dreading having a D&C. I never thought this would be my reality. They had heartbeats. They were there.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so so sorry for your loss

 

[Ruskiegirl]

I am so sorry for your loss hun even though you have 2 beautiful boys it still hurts to lose any babies at all so don't feel selfish at all .

 

[mridula]

Omg Lisa so sorry for your loss what happened there?? I can’t believe it

 

[Nima]

I am so so sorry Lisa. Give yourself time to grieve, the beauty and happiness of your boys don't erase the heartbreak. Why do you think you might need d&c? Have you stopped bleeding?

 

[lisaalove]

I only spotted and it was hardly anything. They sent me home and told me to wait and come in on monday. So now I just have to sit here at home and wait for my body to fail me again. I've had a mmc before and my body didn't do anything. And again. My body refuses to bleed. I keep waiting for it. Just waiting. Knowing its inevitable, knowing my boys will be home from grandma's in an hour and I have to just pretend I am fine. Pretend nothing is wrong and pretend my body isn't holding onto these babies for dear life. My husband wasnt with me through my last loss. He was only here for the one successful pregnancy we do have. He doesnt understand how I can be so emotional. I suppose that's something i expected from him at least. Hes never been the emotional one. Always my hard facts husband. I hate this, my babies are gone and my body wont even believe it. This is going to be the longest weekend. And then come Monday the longest day leading into the longest week. I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo hell and I cant even do anything about it.

 

[lisaalove]

To answer though they told me there was a hemorrhage between the placenta and my uterine wall and it detached. And since 2 babies one placenta no heartbeats. They were surprised I wasnt still bleeding.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Thinking of you hun

 

[Nima]

I am thinking of you too, all day long. I also had a mmc and it was just like you describe. I hope it comes out on it's own and you don't need a d&c. Mine took 2 months to get out but it ended without intervention.
And you have every right to be emotional, it was your twins and they had a heartbeat, it is a real loss. Please give yourself time and tenderness. I am so so sorry.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I think everything you're feeling is normal.

 

[lisaalove]

Just some brownish discharge. I had one wipe of red this morning and then nothing. I just feel so lost. I'm begging my body to get this over with. I hate this. I hate every minute of this. My heart aches my brain aches my eyes even ache. I'm gonna take another nap. Thanks for the well wishes guys

 

[Heather.1987]

Oh lisa, this just so breaks my heart. I had a mmc at 11w4d and I did have a dnc because my body also doesnt like to lose babies. This is just so unfair. To go from 1 baby, to your whole world turning upside down with 2 babies, to losing both. Such a major loss. It is very hard going through a loss. No words will help ease the pain. It is sad and unfair. I felt numb until my dnc. But a least when the dnc was done, I felt I could really begin to grieve. I felt my heart literally breaking. I know what a broken heart feels like. I just have hope that one day I know I will see my beautiful daughter in heaven one day, and so will you see your beautiful babies too. I know you want them here now instead, I know. I am so sorry.

 

[lisaalove]

Maybe Tmi?????

Anyone have diarrhea during this process or am I just happening to get sick right now on top of everything else going on?

 

[third_bump]

So sorry to read this x all my thoughts are with you. It a a dreadful time. I would ask a dr or midwife about the vomiting, they will be able to tell you xx

 

[Bevziibubble]

I would check with a doctor hun

 

[lisaalove]

I spoke with the on call ob last night he said not to worry about it since I have my appointment today. He has been so extremely nice to me all weekend with all my calls. I see my ob today in 5 hours though it will probably feel more like an eternity waiting for this appointment. I hate this feeling.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Thinking of you

 

[fidgets mammy]

Maybe Tmi?????

Anyone have diarrhea during this process or am I just happening to get sick right now on top of everything else going on?

Hi lisa
I miscarried in the spring and ut took 3 weeks to pass everything. I did have diarrhoea yes with the most horrific contraction like pains.
Ive also had a missed miscarraige too and i had to go in and have a pessary put in to pass the baby.
I know exactly how you feel. Unless youve experienced this awful thing its hard to understand. It takes a piece of you away mentally. Take each day as it comes and allow yourself to cry and grieve. Youll find people will say the most stupid things thinking they are helping. Its hard not to lose yr temper with them but i tried to think that they just didnt know what to say. Sending love

 

[lisaalove]

I didn't think walking into the drs office would be so hard. I've been okay all day and now I'm snooty and hyperventilating and I dont want to do this. I dont want to talk about this I dont want to be here

 

[lisaalove]

Turns out they only measure to the day after the ultrasound where they told me they had heartbeats. I feel so broken. That means it's been almost three weeks and my body hasn't done anything.