Twin loss...

[Heather.1987]

I am so sorry lisa. Will you do the dnc?

 

[lisaalove]

I asked for the pill when I was in there so she sent it to the pharmacy but now that I'm home I don't want to take the pill. I dont want to go through it at home with my kids here. I'd almost rather get the d&c. Have it done with doctors around and be able to come home Friday and spend the weekend by myself (with hubby) with my kids at grandma's. I just dont want my kids to see me as a hot mess.

 

[lisaalove]

I hate that I dont know what to do. I feel so lost

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so sorry

 

[Nima]

I am so sorry Lisa. Do whatever feels right to you. There's no wrong option. Sending you my prayers and support. I think of you often these days.

 

[Dimples81]

How are u doing Lisa , thinking of u xx

 

[lisaalove]

Officially cramping. Surgery on friday, no one told me that if/when I cramped it would be this bad. (Though to be fair I never really cramp) I just want to lay in bed and whine but I'm back at school today and we have a mini quiz and it all just feels like a lot especially when I'm doing some labor breathing techniques for these cramps

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so sorry

 

[lisaalove]

Waiting to get my blood drawn for surgery tomorrow. I am having severe anxiety. I dont like drugs.... like I have panic attacks because of the thought of drugs. I dont want to do this tomorrow. I dont want to do this ever and honestly I dont know if I ever want to get pregnant again because of this.

 

[nessaw]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope everything goes as well as can be hoped for tomorrow. Look after yourself. Xx

 

[lisaalove]

Thanks I'm just trying to take this all one hour at a time, I feel like this thread is kind of becoming a journal for me. Just a way to breathe and get all of these feelings out.

 

[lisaalove]

Why cant they let me stay awake. I dont want to go under. Its fucking terrifying. I hate anxiety. No one gets it

 

[Heather.1987]

My doctor suggested going to sleep. It's too traumatizing doing it awake. It is so hard. For me, once the dnc was over I had a sense of relief and I could start grieving.

 

[lisaalove]

I mean with my first d&c they just sedated me. Not full on surgery. No one told me it was full on surgery till today

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm thinking of you

 

[Dimples81]

Thinking of you hun, I lost my baby on Wednesday xx

 

[Nima]

I hope all went ok today. I wish you didn't have to go through this.

 

[lisaalove]

I'm waiting to be called back right now, lots of waiting. I started cramping and bleeding this morning so honestly I'm not sure if they will still want to do the surgery or just tell me to go home. Though at this point I'm sure they'll just do it.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I hope they call you back soon

 

[lisaalove]

Thanks guys, it all went smoothly. My throat is all scratchy and has phlegm from the tube. They gave me some antianxiety meds before hand and everyone was extremely nice. I'm thankful I had a great team of doctors and nurses with me who understood my fears. I cried when I woke up because I was just so happy nothing bad happened.
Potential tw?
I expected to feel sad but I almost feel a sense of closure, it's like my body and mind can finally relax and I dont have to constantly think about my poor babies just being inside my body. I love them and I always will but I know I will be fine and I have my amazing family to love and take care of me as I take my time to grieve.
I think this is about it for me here in this thread as I take the next two months to navigate my feelings and we decide if we still want to keep trying for our last child. My husband says he still wants to try but I think I need at least two months to process all my feelings and decide where I am with everything.