UGH! This WAS my safe haven ...... my life line....

Discussion in 'Second Trimester Losses' started by KamIAm, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    I know I have recently started a thread earlier this morning... about privacy... Heck, might as well delete it... :cry: In fact, after I finish this I will try to.....

    I am just frustrated, feeling lost, feeling invaded on, angry & scared... All because I feel as though MY safe haven has been invaded on AGAIN! :cry::cry:

    A "real life" friend of mine called me and mentioned that she has been roaming through this website , she SAYS she was in the breast feeding section, I'm sure she was but also MORE than sure that's NOT all she's visited.... She says she hasn't gone through and read my posts or anything BUT I am NOT believing that, at all!:growlmad: :cry: ....

    When I first lost Emma, I decided I would be an open book with this journey and when people would ask me how I was and all that junk, I would be honest and tell them.... Well, that went well for a tiny bit of time... Soon, their "words of wisdom", their shakes of their heads, pitiful looks, the whispers of worry for me..... All that gets old! So, now when people ask how I'm doing, I always reply with a "Great!".... :nope: I have NO ONE in my real life to talk to ... :cry: I mean, truly talk too ...

    The day I stumbled acrossed this forum was the day my life was truly saved, truly... This is the absolute ONLY place I have.... I felt total freedom in saying how I was... What I honestly thought and felt... Never any judgement, just always recieved comfort and support... :hugs:

    BUT now that I know my supposed "real life" friend is snooping around the forum.... I'm done.... :nope:

    I can't even to begin to explain what this has done to me.... Everyday I would log in, most days a couple times... But now I feel as I can't post anything, comment on anything, or heck even have a ticker.... I didn't want people in my regular life knowing we was ttc again, but now she knows! :cry:

    I don't know....

    Just wish she would have left my safe haven alone, Leave me be here.... I feel like if I wanted her to know something, my God, I'd have told her! ... :cry: She's so nosy... Why couldn't she just give me this place??? :cry:

    The freedom is gone... I feel as if I can't share anymore....

    Sorry for my long, crazy ramblings..... :cry: I just feel so lost...ANGRY
     
  2. dnlfinker

    dnlfinker Well-Known Member

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    Hi ,

    Can you try to change your name or something and tickers to something different . HOw does she know its you? I am sorry that your privacy was
    invaded. I am sure there is something you can do about this , but I need some time to think about it and get back to you


    Nat
     
  3. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    :( i'm so sorry.. i would suggest maybe changing your account name? making a new one? and then pming close bnb friends to let them know.. tbh.. i had to.. this isn't my first account. so sorry hon<3
     
  4. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    No Nat, she knows... My username and all my tickers gives some pretty good hints... She isn't stupid... I'm sure she's read threw this section so much she knows who's who and what angel belongs to who.... I'm sure of it... I know her all too well.... :nope:

    Just infuriates me... I know she truly "cares" for me, I hear it all the time... BUT I just wish she would understand that there are some things I just DONT wanna share with her! :cry: Since Emma, she has been getting involved in sooooo much to do with baby loss... In fact, just the other day, she mentioned about wanting to make YOU ALL Christmas ornaments with your baby's names on them! :nope: I didn't say anything... Just immediately thought... NO!:nope:

    I guess I"m gonna have to sit her down and have a talk with her AGAIN... I hate this... Why does she always make me have to do this with her... That is how our friendship is... It's either "down your throat", all or nothing :nope:

    I don't wanna have to change accounts all over again.. in fact, I'm not! :growlmad:
     
  5. mhazzab

    mhazzab Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry you have been made to feel like this and I totally understand. Sorry, it's bedtime here (for me anyway!!) and I'm too sleepy to reply properly, just wanted to send you hugs and I will send you a wee message tomorrow xxxxx
     
  6. dnlfinker

    dnlfinker Well-Known Member

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    you can change the profile privacy , try to block others other then your friends. I think you can change it on different levels.


    Go into your account setting and click on change the seetting . there is a privacy tab there


    Let me know if u need help
     
  7. DueSeptember

    DueSeptember Mommy 2 My Angel Maya <3

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    Awwwwwww I am glad no one in real life knows me on here...I have met some Wonderful ladies on this website though and have added them into my life but never met...I feel like I can come on here and talk about my issues and problems without being judged...plus all the women here have been through what Ive been through and it gives us comfort to know that we all been through it :hugs:
     
  8. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    Hi Nat! Thanks for the info!

    I have changed my settings BUT not completely sure what I did... I can't block her from seeing my posts or anything because I dont know her username on here...:nope: As soon as I do, I'll block her ... :shrug:
     
  9. dnlfinker

    dnlfinker Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry I used your name on this , i just realized it and removed it

    Natalie
     
  10. Nikki_d72

    Nikki_d72 Mum to 2 + twin angels

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    Oh no, hon I'm so sorry! that would totally infuriate me, it's a bit of a breach of trust - a bit like reading someone's diary, isn't it? I know this is a public forum but I wouldn't want anyone from real life reading my posts either, it would really hurt me. I feel like i will share what i'm ready to share with others and what I think they can handle - there are many aspects of what we've been through that i wouldn't discuss with anyone except you lot, as you'veall been there and understand. I would say that given the fact we were discussing christmas decorations etc the other day she has definitely been reading on here - how would she even know about us or our angels names otherwise?

    In fact I find anyone coming on here that hasn't suffered a loss a bit distasteful really - unless they are trying to find out how to help a friend, but not by reading their actual posts!

    I was thinking about this actually when we all started using real names - there was a risk you may get found again. is it the same woman who did this before?

    Please don't leave though hun, we need you!

    xxx
     
  11. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    Hi Nikki ... Yes, unfortunately it's the same "lovely" :growlmad: friend as from before... GRRR! Yes, that is exactly how I feel, just as someone has read my journal!!! I haven't talked to her about this time around, trust me, I will....

    I also feel, that if you haven't experienced a loss, then please move along, and stay in the section that fits your own situation.. I know that sounds terrible... Its just how I feel....

    After doing some thinking... I have decided I can NOT just leave... No way could I just leave my friends... I knew this was a risk about using names and posting details, I chose to do that BUT think it's very distastful for HER to read our posts... And no matter how much she tells me she hasn't, I know she has and still does.... :growlmad:

    Anyways.....

    Hope all is diong well tonight... :hugs::hugs:
     
  12. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I am so sorry and for me I would be pissed, this is my place and ours and i would feel-invaded also,.
    what more could you really do, I am so sorry and I a mad also :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  13. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    and you've told her you'd rather her not be in these sections? thats incredibly distasteful of her to continue.. even if it hadnt been distasteful to be here in the first place..
     
  14. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    Thank You Friends..... :hugs: I am feeling better tonight and have decided I will NOT be ran off.... I will continue to post as usual... I took the risk when I decided to share details... So, here's to posting... :thumbup:

    Still upset with her, our friendship is on it's last leg, don't care right now...
     
  15. Hellylou

    Hellylou Mum to 3 and 1 Angel

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    I tell RL friends and family that I come to 'a forum' to talk to ladies who have experienced 2nd tri loss, but I have never told anyone the name of it, not even my OH. Like everyone here, it is my place, and I would hate the idea of someone I knew snooping here, but not only that, it is something I don't want to share with others.

    I am a pretty open person anyway. I have talked about Thomas to all my friends, cried about him, told them my feelings, my fears, etc. But if I ever thought one of them had deliberately come to this forum to spy, I would be very upset. I am pretty easily identifiable by the things I have said and my ticker. So yes, I can totally understand your anger and disappointment at a betrayal like that.

    And yes, I agree about people who haven't experienced loss coming here to offer condolences. It is a very bizarre thing to do, and I have never quite understood it, but yeah, it's an open forum and I guess I have no real control over what people choose to do in it. I can only express my confusion over it, and I would love to hear from some of those ladies to know why they do it.

    Kam, perhaps your friend will see this thread and you wont need to say much more...:winkwink:
     
  16. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I don' tell anyone, cause what if they see what I have said about them, they may kick my ass :smug::smug: I really only talked about my Sister - In - Law, but i would not want her to see things, I would not want to hurt her. But truth be told in my real life there is nothing I wont say to your face that is why I don't need to talk behind your back BUT as far as me and my SIL concerning the baby there are things I just could not say, so this is why I would be pissed if she was here on BNB. Thank God she isn't though :wacko::wacko:
    She has no clue these forums even exist,,As far as I know anyway.
    It will be alright K..We are here for you, always..OXOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  17. babylou

    babylou Well-Known Member

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    I haven't told anyone the forums name or address, but they know I am getting alot of support from you guys :hugs:

    I sometimes talk things over with OH but most of the time he needs to cope in his own way.

    I found the B&B forums when I was first expecting, in those Happy Days, and had chats with other expecting mums. I never looked into the Loss section until I needed to :cry: That would have been strange.

    You have all given me alot of support. Hugs to all :hugs::hugs:
     
  18. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    Agreed, I kept this place "secretive" until the day my supposed friend comes to me saying she has a friend that just recently lost a baby and is looking for some support... That immediately broke my heart and I wanted to reach out to her... That is the ONLY time I have ever told anyone the name of this website, and the ONLY reason I did was I truly thought she would give this website name to her friend and leave it at that... Never thought she would actually log in herself, and visit this section! :nope:

    This has really thrown me for a loop, tried to reach out and help someone thru her and this happens...

    After a nice lil chat last night with her, I doubt our friendship will survive... When we spoke I never even mentioned this breech of trust and friendship... The only thing I said was "I couldn't watch her baby for her any longer" "that I was having a hard time mentally and I needed to stop"... She got upset and said that we couldn't be friends anymore if I was going to continue to push her away... ?? .. So, who knows ...

    Thanks for all your input and advice girls ... :hugs:
     
  19. blav

    blav 2 angels and TTC

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    Why would anyone WANT to come to these forums if they hadn't experienced a loss? I used the trimester forums when I was pregnant but avoided the loss forums like the plague! I also think it's strange for people who have not had a loss to post in these sections.
     
  20. Maman

    Maman Guest

    aww thats completely unfair. i know someone on here, but i would never go through her posts, if i bump in to one and think i have something to say then i do, but we've not even discussed this site outside of this site.
     

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