Unable to bf due to surgery and feeling sad :(

[Loompylooloo]

I am pg with number 4 who is due in just over 8 weeks. I bf my other 3 and found it really easy and loved every second of it. Since having number 3 I have found out that I am BRCA2 positive which meant I had up to an 85% chance of developing breast cancer in my lifetime and an elevated risk of developing ovarian cancer. In 2009 I had a risk reducing bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction - the same surgery that Sharon Osborne and Michelle Heaton have just had. I don't regret my decision at all as my risk has now gone down to 2% but when I think about not bring able to bf this child I feel really sad. It makes me tearful when I think about it!
I keep envisaging that I am going to meet a militant breast feeder who will ask me if I am bf and when I say no, I can't they will tell me that everyone can. I feel like I will want to pull up top and show my nipple-less boobs and say "no, they can't". My DH says that would be cruel and it is me that has the issue and I shouldn't ever do anything like that.
I think I just need some reassurance that it will all be ok as I don't feel I know what I am doing or how to do it!
Thanks for reading this!
C

 

[Kage76]

I am pg with number 4 who is due in just over 8 weeks. I bf my other 3 and found it really easy and loved every second of it. Since having number 3 I have found out that I am BRCA2 positive which meant I had up to an 85% chance of developing breast cancer in my lifetime and an elevated risk of developing ovarian cancer. In 2009 I had a risk reducing bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction - the same surgery that Sharon Osborne and Michelle Heaton have just had. I don't regret my decision at all as my risk has now gone down to 2% but when I think about not bring able to bf this child I feel really sad. It makes me tearful when I think about it!
I keep envisaging that I am going to meet a militant breast feeder who will ask me if I am bf and when I say no, I can't they will tell me that everyone can. I feel like I will want to pull up top and show my nipple-less boobs and say "no, they can't". My DH says that would be cruel and it is me that has the issue and I shouldn't ever do anything like that.
I think I just need some reassurance that it will all be ok as I don't feel I know what I am doing or how to do it!
Thanks for reading this!
C

You and your baby will be more than fine. My best tip is to avoid breastfeeding sites and anything in the news about breastfeeding. The internet brings the worst out in people and its sometime just best to avoid the heartache.

One of the best ways i have found is next time you go to a playground with your other little ones is to try and pick out the breast fed babies. Hopefully this will reassure you that although breastfeeding is ideal, babies who are on formula do grow up healthy happy and normal.

Grief of the loss of breastfeeding is very common and can be very hard to deal with. There is a sticky on the top of this page- if you are struggling read our stories and share- we have all found that a sympathetic ear is sometimes the best way to move on.

If you do encounter a woman (or man) who is militant- then for sure explain that you have had a mastectomy - I mean if they are in your face and being judgemental without finding out why you bottle feed- then they deserve to be shown that passing judgement without finding out the facts is downright rude. I wouldn't even explain why you had the mastectomy- let them think they are dressing down a cancer survivor- then maybe they will think twice before doing it next time.

In reality though you will probably find that no one will comment in a negative way- i found people would be more than happy to dish out advice, and tips which although helpful and coming from a good place, hurt just as much. But maybe thats my issue not theirs.

Be kind to yourself and try not to compare the experiences. The most important thing is to feed your child- the way you do it is secondary.

 

[mrsf1234]

Breast is best but that doesn't mean FF is bad! U have made a huge and brave decision to have surgery so you will be there for your family in the future and that is way more important than BF'ing.
U should be proud. Xxx

 

[youngwife20]

You have done the best for your baby! your health is so important. and your going to be here for yoru baby that is amazing. your baby having a mother is more important then you breastfeeding. because i know the risks that are including with breastcancer etc. you not only did the best for your baby but for your whole family.
be proud of that.

if anyone does ask you . you say no i didnt. and if they have the nerve to say everyone can. i would educate them in your experiance. though its not there right to know about you they will realise they need to keep there do gooder attitutude mrs know it all to themselves and they will think twice in future.

you are inspiring and congrats on all your kids xx

 

[annanouska]

it will be fine.

I tried so very hard to BF and didnt produce well due to my PCOS and eventually had to FF. I found it really hard at first as I thought I had 'failed' LO but now I do understand it wasn't my fault just like it isn't your fault and you did what is best for your whole family.

Your new LO will be proud to know how brave their mummy is and what steps she took to ensure they and their siblings have the best future possible with a complete family

I would not worry about a militant tbh in 'real life' you dont come across too many and if you do I hope you do give them stick about being so judgemental!!! I sure know I would.

Good luck xxx