Unexpected 3rd Pregnancy and Freaking out

[icegurl470]

I have an almost 3 year old and a 14 month old and we just found out we're pregnant with #3. We've talked about having one, but waiting until my oldest was in school and old enough to be excited and help out and stuff. I've been holding off on going on BC until my 2nd was done breastfeeding. Therefore, my husband and I have been being careful, pulling out, rhythm method. We tried condoms but they dont work well for us.. not to go into tmi territory but he is on anti anxiety meds and sometimes he has trouble keeping it up and the condom tends to fall off.. But, ANYWAY, I was getting worried every month about being pregnant and I knew I had to go on BC for my own peace of mind and it was at the dr when I found out.. I had the prescription for BC in my hand! They did two urine tests and a blood test and everything came back positive.. I called my husband hysterically crying and pissed off, because I had a feeling I might be pregnant the night before (Ive had a hunch with all my pregnancies) and he told me I couldn't be. I feel bad about the way I reacted at the dr's office.. I even made the comment that I hoped it was just a chemical.. He is excited. I've accepted it, but.. This means we will have 3 children under 4. We dont have vehicles big enough for three car seats right now, we dont have a bedroom for the 3rd baby, I've crunched the numbers and we cant afford 3 kids in daycare (we're spending $1000/month right now and it will be 1500/month for a 3rd) and neither of us can afford to quit our jobs. I'm going to school part time, online mostly, and I really dont want to give that up. I feel like I wont be able to give the two children I already have the attention they deserve. Apart of me wants to believe that everything happens for a reason and we arent given more than what we can handle, but the other part of me cant help but feel like this is all just because we were irresponsible. My husband wanted another one and he made the comment a few weeks back when I was packing up maternity clothes to store in the basement "not to go too far with those" so a part of me thinks this is what he wanted and he impregnated me on purpose behind my back. Idk, I'm just a bag of emotions right now. I'm already getting morning sickness and I already feel like this baby is already having a negative affect on our lives. I'm trying stay positive, I dont have any negative feelings toward the baby, I cant take back whats already been done and I'm going to love and do everything I can to make sure he/she is taken care of. I just cant help but, personally, feel sad/guilty/irresponsible and unfair to the two children I already have. Was or is anyone in a similar situation? Any advise or reassurance?

 

[superfrizbee]

Hello. I too had a surprise third pregnancy. I have a 4 year and a 2 year old who has additional needs after having a stroke at 7 weeks old. He is doing really well and is a wonderful little boy full of happiness and cheekiness, but he has physio, occupational therapy, speech therapy and sees a dietician and paediatrician. Life is busy, often stressful and emotionally charged. We wanted another baby - when he was a little older. However I later found out that I was pregnant. I panicked, didn't know how I would manage, thought his therapies would suffer if I had less time for him etc. However once the idea had sunk in it didn't seem so bad, and I thought perhaps having a younger sibling would be good for him, just like having an older sibling has been. We are comfortably off but only have a three bed house. We looked at an extension, commissioned the architect drawings, thought about cars... Then I had a couple of scans as I didn't know my dates. I should have been quite far into the first trimester I think, but it turned out I'd had a missed miscarriage. I was deverstated and I spent a while blaming myself (wrongly) for not knowing, not taking folic acid, not being happy enough etc. We were so gutted that we started ttc (even though that wasn't in the original plan) and got pregnant first time. I am only just over 5 weeks so very nervous and crossing fingers. I'm sorry, I know this doesn't help with some of your particular points, but I thought I'd share as we've been in a similar situation. I think you'll find a way of making it work.

 

[xdxxtx]

I'm sorry. I chose to be a homemaker when I got married because my OH and I both wanted someone to be home to raise the kids. (I was raised by daycare. My OH was raised by grandparents. We Both wished our parents were around more when we were kids.) Anyway, when I got my surprise BFP with my third-born, our second baby was 3 months old, and I was 5 weeks along. iI had to get a new car when I found out I was expecting my third (a minivan) and had to get a full size van after my fourth was born because all the car seats plus groceries would not fit in the minivan. I was not happy to make either decision, but I don't regret a thing. I love my "bus". I love being home with my kids, even though we had the pay cut when we got married. We have a strict budget (Dave Ramsey) and live very well with a huge house and get to do whatever we want and also put tons of money toward retirement and college (for 4 kids!).

By the way, I want to assure you that my three "big kids" are all best friends. They love "their baby" (our 10 month old) too and want more and more siblings. Sure, it looks like I run a daycare, haha, but they're happy, healthy, well fed and I spend alone time with every one of them every day (my secret to success). There's just a lot of figuring out to do. And you'll get through this initial shock and the big life changes and have an amazing family!

 

[icegurl470]

Thank you ladies. Despite how I feel I know I would be upset if I lost this baby, like frisbee said I would feel responsible for not being happy about it. Ive cut my caffeine intake and started using my nutribullet again (which I did with my 2nd and I believe it was beneficial) I'm doing all the things I did for my first two which were planned. Even though it was earlier than we wanted I'm going to try to "enjoy" this pregnancy because it may be my last. We've talked about having a parent stay at home, so we dont have all that money going to daycare.. It would make more sense for my husband since I make more than him and have better benefits but he isnt crazy about the idea because as the man he feels like he should be the provider, but if he could work nights or weekends we might be able to make it work. I think i would still want my oldest to go to daycare at least once per week because she loves it and I feel like its good for building social skills. We're waiting until we know for sure to make any solid plans, but we've started talking about it and I know we will find a way.. I just keep thinking 3 under 4.. lord help us!

 

[misspriss]

*hugs* This pregnancy was also unexpected, although not exactly a surprise as we knew it was a possiblity. We are going through a lot of the same things. I will have a 4 and 2 year old when the new one is born. We do not have a car big enough for 3 ERF seats. We are living with my in-laws right now and building a house, which I'm afraid we may not finish in time, so we definitely do not have the bedrooms.

I was just about to try and start losing the baby weight from my last baby! (Breastfeeding was keeping it hanging on, I think).

I am also trying to enjoy this pregnancy as it may be our last as well, but I am struggling with a lot of different emotions than I had in my other pregnancies. Not that this baby is not loved and wanted and I'm not excited about it, there is just a lot more fear and worry going into it.

 

[Bonnie11]

im sure it is a big shock for you but its still so raw, give yurself time to get your head round it. you will probably find out you can make it work with one of you staying at home, or even a small part time job may help. childcare is so expensive! im sure you will find a way to make it work

 

[icegurl470]

Yes, my emotions are totally different this time around. I also knew it was possible, I mean I know pulling out isnt 100% effective but i figured between that and the fact that we werent having sex very often and nursing, chances were pretty low. If I thought there was even a chance I could be fertile I would make him stop when he got close and finish himself off on my stomach (I know tmi sorry!) Apparently my cycle was a little wonky last month and I'm fertile myrtle. I have been really worried about it the last few months.. Just my luck it would happen right before I decide to go on BC. I'm sad because I was looking forward to having a break from being pregnant and nursing and wanted to wait to have our last one when things calmed down and I could really relax and enjoy it, but things aren't looking that way now. That being said, even though this baby is unplanned it is not unwanted and the more I talk to people about it and come to terms with it the more I feel like everything will be alright.. I have a big walk-out basement with the potential to finish in the future. We were actually thinking abut it awhile back had a couple contractors come up and give us a quote, just never ended up being able to save enough money for it, so maybe we can start saving for that again for the future. My house has two big bedrooms and one small one. I actually already have a bed and a crib in the other big bedroom, which is my eldest room and they're both girls, close in age, so I know they could share. I could trade in my current vehicle and maybe use some of my tax return to get a bigger vehicle. We just have to figure out what we want to do about childcare when things become a bit more certain.. And how we are going to maintain our sanity..