Unexpected and freaking out

[Sander]

What are you feeling like you want to do?

You could pick which parent you feel like would take the news best, then see if they will go out for lunch with you (if that’s allowed where you are). It would be easier to tell them in a public place.

 

[lisaalove]

If you are in AK theres a crisis center in Anchorage that's great. I went there multiple times and everything is free. They'll do a urine test and scan to see how far along you are. (I even went there with my second boy when I was about 14w because I stopped feeling him move and was worried and they did a scan just because)
If you're in NV (Vegas) there's one off of Sahara, I haven't been to it but they also have completely free services.
I dont know anything about the other states but crisis centers arent scary, just make sure you know which kind your walking into. There are prolife and prochoice ones. It is a scary thing to be pregnant. Hell even now at 25 I get scared of the unknown every time I get pregnant and I'm trying to have another baby. Remember to try and breathe, you are strong and capable.

 

[Isla04]

Eventually your parents and everyone else will find out. Better to tell them now so you and baby get the best care possible.

well there is 1 option where nobody has to find out...but I understand the we’re not really supposed to discuss it here.

 

[Isla04]

What are you feeling like you want to do?

You could pick which parent you feel like would take the news best, then see if they will go out for lunch with you (if that’s allowed where you are). It would be easier to tell them in a public place.

I really don’t know what I want. I still can’t even believe this is really happening to me. It feels unreal most of the time.

My family’s still pretty much avoiding going places, but a public place might be a good idea. I think I’d feel too weird with other people around.

 

[Isla04]

If you are in AK theres a crisis center in Anchorage that's great. I went there multiple times and everything is free. They'll do a urine test and scan to see how far along you are. (I even went there with my second boy when I was about 14w because I stopped feeling him move and was worried and they did a scan just because)
If you're in NV (Vegas) there's one off of Sahara, I haven't been to it but they also have completely free services.
I dont know anything about the other states but crisis centers arent scary, just make sure you know which kind your walking into. There are prolife and prochoice ones. It is a scary thing to be pregnant. Hell even now at 25 I get scared of the unknown every time I get pregnant and I'm trying to have another baby. Remember to try and breathe, you are strong and capable.

Lol I don’t live in either of those places but I can probably find somewhere near me. I just don’t really have the courage to go yet.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Just tell your parents. None of this will go away/ get easier if you prolong it. There won't be a perfect exact moment.. just do it

As for your doodle boyfriend, if mine suggested that as the first course of action WITHOUT a discussion, his butt would be broken up with. Geez..he acts like he's put out. Oy

 

[Isla04]

I know but the longer I wait to tell them, the less time I have to deal with how upset they’ll be

Yeah I’m not really happy with my bf right now. He said he isn’t trying to tell me what to do, but just assumed that I’d have enough common sense to know that this will ruin our lives. He also said that it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. TO HIM!

 

[Sander]

Oh brother. It’s not happening to him

If you decide you want to keep the baby, it will not ruin your life, I think you should know that. Certain things will be more challenging for sure, but you will never look at that child and think they ruined your future.

When I was having my 2nd baby I had to make a decision on how I wanted to deliver and what I did was look at my options, and paid attention to how each one made me feel. What was my gut intuition. I made myself take every option seriously, and my own feelings made themselves clear.

Someone mentioned giving the baby up for adoption, is that something you’ve considered?

I also feel like you should consider that your parents will likely find out even if you do not choose to keep the baby. That procedure can be painful both physically and emotionally. I don’t say it to scare you, but I know ladies who have gone through it (although they lost their babies beforehand), and it wasn’t an easy, pain-free option. Unfortunately there is no easy out in this kind of situation, which is why you should give a lot of thought to what you want to do.

 

[lisaalove]

I know but the longer I wait to tell them, the less time I have to deal with how upset they’ll be

Yeah I’m not really happy with my bf right now. He said he isn’t trying to tell me what to do, but just assumed that I’d have enough common sense to know that this will ruin our lives. He also said that it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. TO HIM!

I just have to say it but what the hell?! To him? Hes not the one who carries the baby for 9 months deals with middle of the night leg cramps and labor. He just has to support your decision.
From what you said it doesn't sound like you want to go through with termination, I could be wrong but the phrase of less time for them to be mad is something I thought as a teen. But really if you are thinking you may want to parent then you should try and think about it as more time to prepare instead.

ETA hope that didnt come off super momish lol but I suppose I am one.

 

[Bevziibubble]

This is not your boyfriend's decision. He is acting very selfishly and unreasonably.

 

[Isla04]

Oh brother. It’s not happening to him

If you decide you want to keep the baby, it will not ruin your life, I think you should know that. Certain things will be more challenging for sure, but you will never look at that child and think they ruined your future.

When I was having my 2nd baby I had to make a decision on how I wanted to deliver and what I did was look at my options, and paid attention to how each one made me feel. What was my gut intuition. I made myself take every option seriously, and my own feelings made themselves clear.

Someone mentioned giving the baby up for adoption, is that something you’ve considered?

I also feel like you should consider that your parents will likely find out even if you do not choose to keep the baby. That procedure can be painful both physically and emotionally. I don’t say it to scare you, but I know ladies who have gone through it (although they lost their babies beforehand), and it wasn’t an easy, pain-free option. Unfortunately there is no easy out in this kind of situation, which is why you should give a lot of thought to what you want to do.

When I try to think about my gut feelings, even those are unclear. They seem to change all the time. I haven’t really know for long so it’s like half the time it doesn’t even feel real. I feel like I’m still stuck on seeing the positive test for the first time. I have them hidden in my room and every time my mom goes upstairs I think she’s going to go in there for something else and find them, even though she’d really have to dig.

I know adoption is an option but I haven’t given it a lot of thought yet. If I don’t have that procedure and if I don’t keep the baby myself I guess it’s the only option so I better look at it maybe. But I just can’t imagine me being pregnant and giving birth. I just can’t see it happening.

I am totally scared of that procedure. Haven’t ruled it out but it’s really scary to me especially without my parents there. I’ve never had any sort of medical procedure in my whole life.

 

[Sander]

When I try to think about my gut feelings, even those are unclear. They seem to change all the time. I haven’t really know for long so it’s like half the time it doesn’t even feel real. I feel like I’m still stuck on seeing the positive test for the first time. I have them hidden in my room and every time my mom goes upstairs I think she’s going to go in there for something else and find them, even though she’d really have to dig.

I know adoption is an option but I haven’t given it a lot of thought yet. If I don’t have that procedure and if I don’t keep the baby myself I guess it’s the only option so I better look at it maybe. But I just can’t imagine me being pregnant and giving birth. I just can’t see it happening.

I am totally scared of that procedure. Haven’t ruled it out but it’s really scary to me especially without my parents there. I’ve never had any sort of medical procedure in my whole life.

I don’t know how medical care in the States works with insurance etc, but is there any way you can get to a doctor privately? Like do your parents get a copy of the bill or?

You should consider taking prenatal vitamins, you can buy them at the grocery store and they have ones that are chewable and fruit flavoured. It’s important for the baby to have folic acid.

Maybe you can watch some YouTube videos of other teen moms. There are lots of videos out there that could give you an idea of what to expect and how they told their parents

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

This might be silly to ask, but have you looked into what happens during abortion? I think sometimes in society we think its this easy, quick, done thing but its not. We shoo it away as nothing. Pro life or choice, YOU need to be informed on how the procedure is carried out on you and the baby.

You should look at adoption as well. What goes into it, its not easy either as they make it seem.

You could Google options for keeping the baby. What help could you get IF your parents didn't help. What help could you get IF your parents did help. Etc. Help meaning medical, educational, child care, etc.

It seems right now that you can't see the future and in a way, thats mature. You're NOT making a quick decision and thats GOOD! Be proud of yourself for that.

Your boyfriend is a doof.

 

[Sander]

How are you doing Isla?

 

[Isla04]

Sorry for not coming back and updating. Just a lot of stuff going on and I just felt weird talking about the pregnancy and was so confused about everything.

So a few weekends ago my dad and brother were gone for the night so me, mom, and my sister were going to order sushi take out. My dad and brother hate sushi so it’s sort of our tradition when they’re gone to get it. Anyway, I had been trying to work up the courage to tell me mom but I hadn’t plan to do it at that moment, but I just asked “Can you eat sushi if you’re pregnant?” And my mom was like “No, but what does it matter? Who is pregnant?” And I said that I was, sort of not expecting myself to really say it. My mom and sister thought I was joking for a sec. My sister (2 yrs younger than me) looked like she was going to pass out she was so shocked. My mom didn’t yell or get super upset, but she was basically like “no no no, are you sure? You’re probably not really..” But I told her I already missed possibly 2 periods and took 2 tests. And then I started crying and saying I was sorry and my mom started crying and hugged me and told me she needs time to process this and that we’d figure everything out.

So then I just felt sort of relieved but also really weird and uncomfortable. Then the next day my mom made me tell my dad. I wanted her to do it for me but she refused. My dad isn’t mean or anything but I felt more awkward telling him like he would take it worse. He didn’t yell at me either but he was definitely upset because he’s the one who has sort of been more open about talking about relationship stuff with me and being responsible and all that. And then I told him that my bf really wanted me to get an abortion and I just didn’t know what I wanted to do and he pretty much resolved to kill my bf at that point.

I went to the doctor last week because my mom made me and went with me and I’m like 13 weeks pregnant now, due January 10.

 

[Flueky88]

I'm so glad you told your parents and it really sounds like it went well even if it doesn't feel like it. Also happy you seen the ob too as prenatal care is important. Wishing you the best whatever you decide.

 

[Heather.1987]

I'm so proud that you talked to your parents and saw your ob! That must've been so hard, but you did it! And thank you for updating us too! Congrats and I hope you continue to have wonderful support!

 

[tdog]

Yey I'm so happy to read this that be a huge lifting for you aswell wishing you all the best in the future whatever you decide xx

 

[Sander]

Aw I’m very glad you were able to tell your parents. It sounds like they’re supportive of you which is really great. I’m sure it must have been a hard thing for you to do

If you decide to keep the baby, there’s a January pregnancy group on this site with other women due in January (and February). Sometimes it’s nice to be able to talk to other people at a similar gestation. I’m due January 1st so we’re actually pretty close

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

This is a happy update!!!