Unexpected and freaking out

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by Isla04, Jun 12, 2020.

  1. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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    I'm so glad you told them :)
     
  2. Skyye

    Skyye bfp for baby #1 Jan 8, 2020 | Mum to 1

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    Omg THATS the sweetest thing ever your mom needs a crown ❤️

    It’ll be okay girl, I’m 18 and preg with my first, Though I was TTC oof, my mom was NOT happy at first lol But she knew since I’m 18 she can’t do anything, it’s gonna be okay ❤️
     
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  3. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    How have you been doing Isla?
     
  4. Isla04

    Isla04 Member

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    Sorry for never updating. I just don’t really like talking about being pregnant I guess. For a while it was like the more I researched and tried to talk about it the more scared it made me and I was just feeling so confused about what decision to make. Tbh I really started leaning toward not continuing with the pregnancy over the summer after I went to my first doctors appointment. I didn’t feel right talking about that here because I don’t think we’re really supposed to and everyone else here is actually wanting to be pregnant.
    Anyway I am still pregnant and planning to have the baby in January. I don’t feel sure about it and am not really excited about it but I didn’t feel any better about the other options either. It’s not like I have completely negative feelings about my own child but I just don’t know how to be excited about being a mom right now.
    Luckily due to covid I’m doing school from home so I don’t have to deal with being pregnant at school where everyone can see me. Of course people know now but I would feel really uncomfortable going to school pregnant.

    My family is supporting me. My parents aren’t happy that I’m making them grandparents right now but they are still helping me. My boyfriend is still trying to completely accept my decision I think. He says he’s scared of the responsibility. He is working 2 jobs now to help pay for stuff. But his parents will basically force him to be involved if they have to because that’s just how they are. I think his parents were more upset and disappointed than mine.
     
  5. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Don’t worry, I think there are a lot of ladies on here who also deal with unexpected pregnancies and aren’t necessarily ready to become moms. Have you thought any more about adoption or do you think you’d like to raise the baby? Do you know the gender?

    Sorry for the nosy questions :p I didn’t get excited with my babies either. It’s very hard to picture being a mom to a baby when it’s not even here yet. Something that helped me with my first was buying some clothes for the baby, and picking out a few of my favourite childhood books to read to him while I was pregnant. I would also try talking to him a lot because they can hear and recognize your voice!

    If you’re planning on raising the baby yourself, you have a lot to look forward to. (Of course adoption is great too!) My oldest is 2 and you can’t ever prepare for how much they steal your heart. I’ll show you a photo of him as a newborn and now - it really is amazing, even though it’s terrifying at first. You will do great :)

     
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  6. Isla04

    Isla04 Member

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    How can I say it without sounding too negative? I don’t really like the idea of raising a baby but I also don’t think I can handle adoption. When I think about giving my baby away it’s just too hard to imagine and emotionally I don’t think I could do it. I feel like such a horrible person though. Like at this point I should feel happier about it idk. I mean there are moments where I feel excited or happy and I feel like I do love my baby. I think sometimes I feel like I just made a big mistake and am not supposed to be happy about this so I won’t let myself feel anything positive.

    It’s a girl. I was convinced it was a boy the whole time but I was wrong.

    Your son is really cute. So crazy how much they change in such a short time.
     
  7. Becca_89

    Becca_89 Well-Known Member

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    I just read all your posts from start to finish, it sounds like you have come so far already! I am glad you didn't rush into any decisions and it sounds like your family have been super supportive!

    My first pregnancy, I was 25 but I had a lot of people pushing for termination, including the babies Dad who never came around. I lived in a different country to my family, but made the decision to move home.

    When a surprise like this happens, you will always think of the what ifs, and negative thoughts will enter your mind, its only natural as its not as planned. But hopefully things will only get better.

    I can imagine life has changed drastically for you, its a lot to adapt to. I am glad the Dads family have made him step up, it sounds like he has adjusted well and its good that he is admitting his nerves, something people find hard to admit.

    Do you read up on your pregnancy week by week? I found knowing what my baby looked like and was developing helped me to bond and get excited.

    Hope you're ok! You have come so so far in a few months, you've got this!! Xxxx
     
  8. Isla04

    Isla04 Member

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    I just worry I won’t be a good mom or that I won’t be able to handle it. I feel like she deserves more than me.

    I have an app that updates me on the baby’s growth each week. I can also feel her moving around now so it all makes it a lot more real than before. When your baby’s the size of a peanut and you don’t feel it look too different it’s so much easier to sort of be in denial about it or put off making any decisions.
     
    JAJuly2013 likes this.
  9. JAJuly2013

    JAJuly2013 Mom and Wife

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    Hi Isla,
    I've just read thru all the posts and wanted to say that I'm so proud of you for telling your parents and just how far you seem to have come since you first posted about your pregnancy. I'm sure it's very scary for you and it is very normal to have mixed feelings, doubts, fears and joy at the same time.
    I was 22 when I had my first. Not as young as you but I was single, in the military, across the country from my family and really had no support system at the time. The father was separated from his wife and it was just a crappy situation overall. I was happy to be pregnant but I too had days were I thought I had surely made a serious mistake. I had many doubts and periods of depression second guessing my ability to be a Mom. But here I am, 39 years old, married and pregnant with my 4th child. I couldnt be happier...and yet sometimes I think oh crap...what did we get ourselves into??? As a matter of fact I had the IUD in until June and my Mom knew that so my family wasnt expecting us to have more kids. Nobody but my hubby knew I had the IUD removed so we could try for one more...i was concerned my Mom would be upset. She wasn't but I know she was thinking...oh boy another one?! LOL
    Anyway sorry for the long post. I really hope the pregnancy goes well for you and that your family continues to be a good support system for you. Big hugs to you hun!
     
    Isla04 likes this.
  10. Kiwiberry

    Kiwiberry Mommy to 3 miracles

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    Tbh sweetie, I think every women whether young, older, first baby or multiple worries about being a good mom. Love your baby & do what you can for them from your heart. You will do amazing jhst following that 1 rule for yourself. Whether anyone admits it or not, parenting is always a learning process. I have 3 kids and possibly one on the way & i am still learning how to be a good mommy. Also remember, you will make mistakes, we all do, but we learn from them too. A good parent puts their children first in everything.

    I am so happy you told your parents :hugs:. Having that support behind you must have lifted a lot of worries for you.

    Btw, congratulations on finding out you're having a sweet baby girl :pink:.
     
    #50 Kiwiberry, Sep 25, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2020
    Isla04 and JAJuly2013 like this.
  11. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Honestly I didn’t feel a bond with any of my babies before they were born, it’s so so normal. It’s ok if you don’t want to think about it too much, things will change when you hold her for the first time :hugs:
     
    Isla04 likes this.
  12. Isla04

    Isla04 Member

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    Well I guess it’s good to know that people of all ages get scared or feel u sure about being parents. I’m just laying in bed right now and realizing she’ll be here in a little over 3 months and it’s terrifying. I don’t even know how involved my boyfriend will be. He’s trying and he says one thing but we’ll see what he actually does once she’s here. I don’t want to be a single parent :(
     
  13. Kiwiberry

    Kiwiberry Mommy to 3 miracles

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    He's probably going to seem a lot more into it once baby girl is born. A lot of the time even with other family members, it's hard for them to truly come to terms with a new baby until the baby is right in front of them. Then everyone will suddenly want to be involved. I'm sure a lot of drama will follow too, so be emotionally prepared for that. Also, it's ok for them to offer advice, but don't let anyone bully or pressure you on how you decide to raise or parent your baby. Remember, she is your child. Some people might even try to "take your place" because you're young, just stay strong and accept help only when you need it.
     
  14. OnErth&InHvn

    OnErth&InHvn Mom to 4

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    He may not end up being involved and you SHOULD have a back up plan, just in case. Why? Because you never know. Back up plan as in, child care, a job, a plan.

    He may be the most involved dad ever and you two co parent beautifully. That is an ideal situation.

    You can't worry, you just have to work with what you know right now and try to plan for what you cant know yet
     
  15. Isla04

    Isla04 Member

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    He’s not very interested right now. And doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t want to talk about any of it or what’s going to happen in about 3 months when she’s here. He leaves any decision up to me and when I complain about it he says that he offered advice (to end the pregnancy) and I didn’t take it so he sees no point in offering any more advice when I’m just going to do whah I want anyway - his words. I feel so sad and alone lately but especially today for some reason.
     
  16. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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  17. JAJuly2013

    JAJuly2013 Mom and Wife

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  18. AlanRickman

    AlanRickman New Member

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    How many weeks pregnant are you? Maybe he will feel differently when you look pregnant/he can feel the movements.
     

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