Unhelpful OH

[BrokenfoREVer]

I've been thinking for a few weeks about trying to have an unmedicated birth, I'm a strong believer that women have been giving birth for thousands of years & there is too much medical intervention nowadays. So I'm thinking I'm gonna give the natural way a go.

BUT...then theres my OH, who takes great pleasure in reminding me that I will be screaming in agony demanding every kind of drug going (I think this is unlikely as I turn down pain relief 99% of the time anyway)

But, I just feel like he won't do as I ask when I'm in labour & will just push me to take pain relief & without some kind of support I think I will struggle.

Anyone else had to deal with something similar & can give any advice? Thanks

 

[Bournefree]

Ummm..

I think your OH needs to findout somethings about child birth and not just from things that he has seen on TV. It not unsual he feels this way, lots of women do too. We live in a society that is afraid of child birth. But it certianly can be natural - afterall that is what your body and baby will do if left uninterfered with.

There are some great birthing partner's books out there for him to read, and some brill natural videos to watch on the net. Get him to have a look at those. Child birth isn't without its intensities and it doesn't have to be quiet or really loud, we are all indivduals as much as the babies we will birth.. but your chances for having a brilliant birth are dependant on the support you have around you, and if your OH is to be your birthing partner, he needs to take his role as your advocate, promoting your wishes and support seriously and not just on hearsay.
XXx

 

[irish_cob]

You're only up the road from me, I'll come over and wallop him when you're in labour when he says anything inappropriate?

You need to be open and talk with him and tell him that maybe you will want drugs when you're in labour but for him to assume so and talk to you like this is rude and disrespectful and that plenty of women do give birth with either minimal (water) or no pain relief at all, and it's not always like they like to show on TV and in the movies, and that he's upsetting you and you want him to support you, not mock you.

 

[lesleyann]

Men dont understand it they go by normaly the horrior storys they have heard or the people on the Tv, Its not as bad as that for most people.I would tell him some of the ladys storys on here hun. I mean even in a hospital with my son for a fast labour i had a total of 2puffs of gas and air and was done with the horrible stuff

 

[Nikki_d72]

Is there anyone else who could be with you too, as an advocate? Maybe a doula or a good friend? I would also try to educate him but it may be good for you to have some additional support too. In the end it's your birth, he can't do it for you so he needs to respect your wishes and do his best for you. He probably is just a victim of too many movies and bad stories.

 

[xxembobxx]

I feel quite sorry for men as I think they can feel quite helpless when their partner is in labour. I'm sure the last thing he wants is to watch you in pain.
Perhaps explain to him that you'd like to at least try a natural birth to give baby the best start and if you want pain relief you can ask for it.
I've had 3 LO's without any pain relief but I am lucky that I have fairly quick labours. MW's tried to push G&A on me but it makes me feel queasy so I really had to get quite stern that I didn't want it. Every time I hit a wall and say things like "I can't do this anymore" but I can! I do believe if the pain relief was in the room I would have been more inclined to grab it but as I knew I would have to wait for it there didn't seem a point in asking as it would arrive too late!

 

[lozzy21]

Have you explained the side affects of pethidine and epidurals?

My OH was similar to yours, joking that i moan about a broken nail so how will i cope during labour but when i sat him down and explained why i dident want anything but gas and air and he realised it was best for baby for me not to have it he was fully on board.

 

[chuck]

My hubby never said I would be screaming for painkillers but he certianly didnt want me having a HB.

It did help him hearing the positives about HB from the professionals though - our MW's and to some extent from people at a homebirth info evening.

My hubby remained a passive part in my labour and birth though, he was never my advocate or supported he 'allowed' me to HB rather than supporting me.

If you can you need to get a supportive understanding birth partner and if this is someone other than hubby so be it.

At the end of the day this is your choice, your day and no one can do it for you if he wont be supportive tell him to butt out!

 

[CMarie]

My DH was the exact same way. We took birthing classes together when I was 35 and 36 weeks and we both learned so much about induction, epidural, etc and all the risks that went along with them. After finally hearing so many facts and hearing why I wanted to go natural so badly, DH finally realized he had no idea what he was talking about. I would definitely see if your OH would want to read up on pain relief, induction, etc so he knows the risks for himself. Once my DH saw the risks that everything had on our son (let alone myself), he was completely supportive of a natural birth

 

[sophisticat]

I dealt with exactly the same before giving birth. My OH loved to keep reminding me that I'd be "screaming in agony" - his exact words - and should be "really sure" that I want the birthing pool because I won't be able to get an epidural if I do. I tried to educate him but he was having none of it, his only knowledge of birth was from TV and his mother (who had a terrible time, from what I can gather).

I told him to keep his negative comments to himself. And invited my mother to the birth to be the support I needed and knew I wouldn't get from my OH.

After the birth my OH took great pleasure in telling his friends and family that "she must be a total hard case, because she did it with only gas and air." He was totally amazed that I didn't scream, apparently.

 

[sarah1980]

BUT...then theres my OH, who takes great pleasure in reminding me that I will be screaming in agony demanding every kind of drug going

and how does he know this? Has he experienced childbirth himself?

I agree with the others, I would try to arm him with as many facts as possible before the big day. My DH was clueless when I fell pregnant but over the last few months I have read and read and read all the books going, spoke to so many helpful people on here and have subsequently informed him of what I want, what I don't want and also the reasons why. I think his knowledge could rival any midwife now!

I also got him a few books for men about childbirth and he actually enjoyed them!

It will be better for you if he thinks the same way as you do and can be an advocate for you on the day.

Best of luck.xxx