Unique Situation Deciding if we should TTC! HELP!

[jlove18]

Hi everyone,

My fiance and I have been back and forth for a few years now whether or not we want to have children. We have been together for 7 years and are getting married in May. My fiance said he is fine either way, with or without children. I am 50/50. I currently work from home with my own business (hours whenever I want). He works afternoon shift, 6:30pm to 2:30am. He is a manager and does not plan on changing careers. We both love this schedule. We are emotionally and financially ready for children. We have a large house with extra rooms, money saved in the bank, and a large support network (grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends all within 5 minutes). I love the thought of having a child, but I am not sure if the reality of it will be different. I realize that I will be the main figure in our child's life, as I will be doing everything in the evenings with him/her. We do not drink or party and I often stay inside most of the time, so we wouldn't be giving up a vibrant social life. I am just wondering if I would enjoy the day to day life of having a child? Our life is very good how it is right now. We travel around 3 weeks per year and have the freedom to do whatever we want, whenever we want. However, I often feel like *something* is missing. Our relationship is wonderful but I sometimes yearn to have a baby. Can anyone give any advice on how my life will change and how you decided to have children? I am very ready to make a choice one way or the other. We have been thinking about this for so many years and I cannot take birth control so we are only intimate 1/3 of the month, when I am sure I am not fertile. It is all so frustrating and confusing! I don't want to make a choice either way that we will come to regret in the future. Any input on this would be so appreciated. Thanks!!!

 

[RaspberryK]

Nothing on this earth can prepare you for becoming a parent.
Perhaps something you need to think on and dicuss together further for maybe ttc after you're married? Xx

 

[sausages]

It's a difficult question to answer... Having children will change your life so drastically, but you will love your child so much that you will be fine with it. I think everyone who has kids will whistfully remember a time when they had the freedom to do as they pleased and wonder what life might be like if they were still childless, but no one would swap their kids for anything. All the cliches are true - hardest work you have EVER known in your life but worth it, turns your life upside down, but worth it etc etc.

I would say that if you are unsure and happy either way then you should go for it. You would never regret having kids as much as you might sometimes get fed up and wish for a week or two of your "old life" back. BUT, i can imagine someone who wasn't sure either way getting to 50 and regretting not having them.

Before i had children i was always waiting for something - the weekend, our next holiday, when i get this qualification or when we get the new house. My life was based around looking forward to things. It wasn't bad, but the day to day was just okay. Now i am living life every day and every day is something wonderful. Don't get me wrong sometimes i want to throttle my kids, but most days i am so filled with love for them when they look particularly cute or so proud i could burst when they learn something new. They are more hilarious than any comedy sketch show or comedian and every little thing they do is wonderous to you. The make life interesting and fulfilling in ways you can't imagine, and you find yourself not caring so much that you can't lay on a beach on holiday unless you have a crack plan with your DH to take shifts with the kids. And not minding that you aren't able to own anything in the least bit expensive in case it gets broken or drawn on... or eaten.

Simply put, your priorities change. You are programmed to love your kids and so you will love your day to day with them. That's it.

 

[cookette]

Stalking, I could have written this post myself!!

 

[Chelle26]

Your life will never be the same again and youll be tired and drained
And emotional 24/7 and wont get in the shower till 2pm somedays maybe somedays u wont!!!
U will want to kill hubby at the slightest thing !!! But u know I look at my little
Boy every day and I thank the stars I have him however grumpy he is all that
Crap above nothing outweighs when he wakes up and smiles
As soon as I see his little face and when he slobbers all over my face
Trying to kiss me its the most amazing transition from a couple to a loving family
Just because you have a baby doesn't mean u stop u just adapt to a situation xx

 

[madseasons]

My situation was this: I never wanted children, and never had the urge. I was in a relationship with my soulmate and our lives were fine without children. I finally landed in a career of law enforcement after being in the military and I was focused on that and only that.

Then DH said he wanted a baby. Out of NO WHERE. I thought about it for a week and we talked and just like that, I wanted a baby too.

4 years later and it is by far the BEST choice I have EVER made and the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Does my child drive me nuts sometimes? Yes, but his face, just his little face, makes all the world go away.

I am an "older" mom and we are trying for our second.

Somethings you will never know, if you don't try. But if you decide not too, you will never miss what was never there.

Hope this helped!

 

[Reidfidleir]

Will it help to say that we were in the exact same emotional position two years ago? We both felt that our life had come to a cross roads and due to my husband feeling his thirties and with me still not sure about kids we had to decide if we were going to go more of a "career" direction of sorts that would be extremely fulfilling but give up on the possibility of kids or go with children and give up on that career-type possibility. It was more age that had to do with it. I was 26 at the time and him 33 and he didnt want to be much older before children. It was frustrating and hard for me because I had never imagined myself with kids but I saw the benefit. My husband also didnt want to "grow old alone" and not have anyone to care for us or be around us.
Also we love to travel and did a lot. But after a while it wasn't as fun. And then we took a trip with his kid sister and it was a blast!!!! So much more fun seeing her see the things we already did for the first time. It was experiencing the same joy over again vicariously and the fact that you were the one to give that to them that convinced me that maybe, just maybe it would be ok. But I also felt that I wish it could just happen and be decided for me. I didnt want to decide to try an step over that scary threshold. Well we ended up being less than careful. I guess ntnp of sorts but not with that intention and I became pregnant.
Everyone that had children around me always said it was well worth it.
And so far it's been wonderful. Yes very challenging as I had NO experience with children plus I was an only myself too. But it is worth it.
And you know what? Raising kids is only part of your relationship. Just a stage. Your marriage should not be only about that. Because you will "lose" each other and the strong ties you had. I'm learning right now I need to ask for help and get out on my own. My husband and I need date nights.
But they will leave the nest eventually and that marriage will still be there and need to have been maintained.
I'm not sure if this helps but I have been in your shoes and its not a fun place to be. To feel almost stuck or forced to make a decision when you're not sure you want to make it at this point.
If you are feeling like something is missing you will always always regret it f you decide not to have children and that will not be a good place to be when you're older.
My very best wishes to you and hubby to be. You will make the right decision.

 

[shelleyanddan]

I can't write much, because i would only be echoing everyone else. I'm only 24 but my little girl is 13 months old and all i want to tell you is that after you've carried and given birth to yours and your partner's child - you will never regret it.

Sure there will be times (particularly when you're exhausted with a screaming baby and you're in your p.j's all day) when you look back on your life as 'just the two of you' and you will daydream, and wonder and ask yourself when you will ever have couple time together.. but i think having children will complete you. Your life as it is won't be finished, just altered. There will be a new addition and i know in my situation, my relationship with my husband has never been better since we shared this amazing & beautiful journey together.

Your baby could come on holidays with you through the year too! It is a big decision to make, and a scary one at that! But you're not alone, and us B&B girls are here to help & support you as much as we can