Unmarried and pregnant worries....

[twiggy327]

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We have a 4 1/2 yr old DD together. We bought a house together last year and i am currently 6 weeks pgt with baby #2. I work as an executive assistant at a family owned national company. This is currently my third year with the company. I havent told anyone i am pregnant yet. I am on the executive floor of the corporate office with one other assistant (who has been with the company for 25 years) and the CEO and COO (father and son). The other assistant has told me more than once that the owners are very catholic and old fashioned. She has told me in passing that they dont believe women should be in the work place (as they are both millionaires whose wives, of course, stay home and housewife). They have very strong feelings about premarital relations also. I am terrified that i will be judged for having another child while unmarried. They know that I am currently unmarried with a DD but other than small talk I keep my personal life, especially family, to myself. If you work in an office you know it can be worse than kindergarten with gossip and isolation. I cannot bear thinking that i will be talked about behind my back for being an unwed mother of 2. My BF and i just decided that buying a home and furnishing it with nice things and getting a family vehicle was more important than rings and weddings at this point in time. The second pregnancy was a semi-surprise as there were a few times in the last few months that we did not use protection (TMI) but we are both financially capable to raise another child and with a new home have more than enough room. I am one to always want to blend in so even if they dont say it to my face, I feel that i will be the talk of the office whether i know it or not...please any advice or personal stories would put my mind at ease. Ive even been having nightmares of Hester Prynne-type (the scarlett letter) of ridicule from those at work. thanks,

 

[aly888]

firstly, congratulations secondly, it's difficult to know what to say because if you've got it in your head that the people you work with are the types of people to gossip behind your back then you're going to think it whether it happens or not. The only thing you can do is change your mind set to that of "who cares what they think", or get married if marriage isn't on the agenda yet (and there is no reason why it should be unless it's what you both want) then you just have to rise above the office gossips x

 

[twiggy327]

firstly, congratulations secondly, it's difficult to know what to say because if you've got it in your head that the people you work with are the types of people to gossip behind your back then you're going to think it whether it happens or not. The only thing you can do is change your mind set to that of "who cares what they think", or get married if marriage isn't on the agenda yet (and there is no reason why it should be unless it's what you both want) then you just have to rise above the office gossips x

I guess youre right. Its not like im going to know 100% if ppl are gossipping or not so why worry about it? At some point we plan on getting hitched but it was always one thing or another over the last 5 years or so and an engagement just never happened. Weve talked about it seriously lately but can a person be "engaged" without an official engagement ring?? is that even possible?? Im a buyers remorse kind of shopper. If i were to get a ring id probably think, "Oh we could have bought new windows for that" or "that could have paid for Jordyns gymnastics for a year" rather than having a ring on my finger and i dont really ever wear jewelery. Thanks for the words and Im def going to think go to hell to all of the old ladies who look at me with disdain as i waddle around the office with chubby unringed fingers....

 

[aly888]

Haha, I like your 'chubby unringed fingers' comment

I got engaged to my OH just before we found out I was pregnant. My MIL then took it upon herself to start organising a shot-gun wedding for us thinking that 'she knew best' and to avoid the "shame" of us havin a child before marriage Her reasons weren't for religious reasons, just a generation thing (back in 'her day' you didn't have babies outside of marriage. The only reason she's married is because she got pregnant with my now OH!!). Anyway, getting to the point, I told her to shove it up her backside and that we'd get married when, how and wherever we wanted, and not when I was 7 months pregnant looked like a hippo in high heels
Just stand you're ground. It's your life. If your actions haven't gone against any of your own morals or beliefs then that's all that matters x

 

[Lauren25]

Congratulations
I think people will always gossip and someone will always have something to say no matter what your situation! If your married or not married, old or young, working or not working if their gossips they'll find something!

I'd probs just over talk about how amazing life's going to be with your perfect family and you new house and maybe drop in about getting married in the future when your children can share your day with you!

 

[twiggy327]

LOOVE THE HIPPO IN HIGH HEELS COMMENT! OMG! I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR!! im totally going to steal that in 6 months when i cant see my toes anymore! Thanks ladies for the encouragement!!

 

[2011butterfly]

Congratulations!!!!!

And I just wanted to say, never mind what they might think, their thoughts don't matter. All that matters is you and your family (And I'm a girl that comes from traditional 'no-sex-before-marriage' parents.) And if I'm honest, that assistant is probably jealous. Don't let anyone get you down!

And as for women in the workplace - more power to us!!

Good luck.

 

[awifey]

Congrats.

I have a friend who used to wear a cheap ring (those department store fakes) on her left hand when she was pregnant before marriage. She didn't like the stares she got without the ring. She is now married.

I don't think you need a ring to actually be engaged, but if y feel you do, it doesn't have to be the most expensive ring either. You can always upgrade rings at a later date, if it becomes important.