"Unschooling"

[DLA]

Just saw a segment on TV on "unschooling". Seems very extreme but I'm curious as to what others think about it. The couple that I saw on TV said their children don't have rules, don't get punished, don't have a schedule, basically choose how they spend their days (and nights),and of course don't go to school. I personally don't see how a children can be adequately prepared for adulthood and to have a career and support themselves with this type of "education" (or lack thereof). I'd like to hear other perspectives since I don't know too much on this.

Here are some ideas I found from an "unschooler":

Kids want to learn. They just do. Get the hell out of the way, and leave an interesting trail behind you.

If a child is happily playing a computer game or watching TV for the *entire* time that that child would have been in school, that child is infinitely better off than if she was unhappily at school.

The main goal is raising happy kids. Everything else is a bonus.

Worry and guilt are pretty much wasted emotions. Act from right now.

Get on eBay or go to thrift stores and garage sales and try to find and buy all the toys and books you loved as a kid and the ones you always wanted and never got. Then if you run into things you never saw but would've loved as a kid, buy those too. Sometimes I think about all the money I've saved on vaccinations, daycare, preschool, private school, formula and disposable diapers—I consider that "fun life" money.

After a time, if you know your child is never going to play with the above, and you no longer need it, bless another family or local thrift store with it. Create an environment that would be the ultimate summer vacation set-up.

If you can afford it, and you worry about having a clean house, hire a helper. For me, that means giving up one big meal out a month. (I don't do it, but I think it is a comforting thought.)

If you have no money, love and trust are better than school.

Think of all the things you learned without school. Write them down. Or don't. You never did like being told what to do .

Print out quotes that ring true about parenting, freedom, and unschooling and post them on the fridge.

Even though it's a cliché: Fake it till you make it.

Be honest with your kids. Really.

When you have a bad moment, admit it. Move on.

When a relative treats your child unfairly or unkindly, protect your child. Once in awhile, say things (nicely) you would've liked to have said in retaliation when you were a kid. Just imagining it sometimes works too.

Remember that you get to heal yourself when you treat a child the way you would've liked the adults in your life to treat you.

Really note the *child's* interests. If you are into books and your child isn't, no big. Your child will have lots of other interests. Likewise, if you're into sports and your child isn't, your little 'un will have a lot to show *you*.

If your child asks you not to do something, don't do it.

Remember foodstuffs (flour, eggs, etc.) are inexpensive toys and full of experiment power. Don't get hung up on wasting. (This is also good to remember when you're in the middle of a great phone conversation. Eva has, many times, happily cracked a dozen eggs while I finished up a great phone call.)

Sometimes we all need a little sweet to help us feel sweet (I was thinking about food, but I guess this is about way more than food).

I'd rather have dentures than horrible memories of a parent forcing me to brush my teeth.

If you have no unschooling friends in real life, and you need a sense of community and connection, it is more than okay to be online. Try to get a high speed connection.

If you love schedules, it is okay to plan things, tentatively. "If nothing better comes along," You might say, "I'll be making cookies on Monday, cleaning the fishbowls on Wednesday, going to the library on Thursday, yard sale-ing on Saturday. If anyone wants to come or has better suggestions, let me know!"

If it appeals to you, subscribe to the newspaper and don't read anything that doesn't sit well with you. It is full of local happenings, weird occurrences, kids pages, comics, free animals, coupons, the TV and movie guide, and gossip about your kids' favorite stars. Add stuff from the newspaper to your tentative schedule.

Learn something you always wanted to learn. Actively engaging in life is great for creating happy energy. Happy energy is the most wonderful thing in the world to be around. I want my kids to want to be around me.

Parent kindly and mindfully parent.

And my husband added:
Take advantage of every opportunity to answer questions your children ask. Don't try to teach them lessons ...cause then they get bored, just answer their questions.

Never tell them you will take them to the hot tub if you don't know for sure you can.

 

[Jess137]

Ummm.... How on Earth is a child supposed to function as an adult? They haven't been taught responsibility so they won't get a job, they wouldn't be able to work for anyone IF they DID get a job because they grew up with no rules or authority figures.... I could go on and on. I don't get this. At all.

 

[freckleonear]

I am not an unschooler but I love some of the theory behind it so I try to use child-directed learning as much as possible. Unschooling is about letting children follow their own interests and learn through a process of discovery and exploration. It doesn't necessarily mean a complete lack of formal teaching or structured learning, and parents often use a technique called "strewing" to expose their children to learning new things.

I know a lot of children and adults who are or were unschooled. They are all well-balanced and successful individuals, and many of them started taking their GCSEs or A levels earlier than their peers (unschooling doesn't mean no qualifications). As far as work is concerned they are often better prepared for that than schooled children, because they have a lot of experience in the real world doing real things.

Incidentally, a lack of punishment doesn't mean a lack of discipline, the two are completely different things.

 

[Lightworker]

I also am not an unschooler, but I also believe in being child-led for the most part. Society tends to impose alot of restrictions on children, and what and how they should learn. Children have a natural curiosity, and their own individual instincts and passions will draw them to acquiring knowledge that will help them fulfill their life purpose.

Even in some children's centres these days, there is alot of emphasis on child directed play, as opposed to adult-led play, so it is not too far off, and is not such a radical idea as it seems.

I do agree about routine and schedule in so far as, I have always allowed my children to tell me when they are hungry, tired, etc, and then facilitate the meeting of these needs.

In the adult world, so many adults are bogged down doing jobs they don't care about, living lives they are not happy with all because society has told them that this is what they have to do now that they are adults.

There is a very narrow approach to life once people reach adulthood, and it is hardly a surprise that things like depression, substance abuse etc are on the increase given the quality of life people are leading.

Adults in general have a slight arrogance when it comes to knowing whats best for children, but you will find that even therapists and spiritualists are now telling you that if you want to know how to live your life OBSERVE CHILDREN..THEY ARE OUR GREATEST TEACHERS, mainly because they come to earth with an ingrained wisdom, which we then spend so much time trying to erase by all our rules and regulations and conventional schooling.

I hope it makes sense, maybe I have even veered off topic abit, but unschooling is not as radical idea as some people think.

 

[Lightworker]

Incidentally, a lack of punishment doesn't mean a lack of discipline, the two are completely different things.

Totally. There is such a huge pre-occupation with punishing children that I don't agree with, all these time-outs and naughty steps. Punishment is not discipline, it is punishment.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I am not an unschooler but I love some of the theory behind it so I try to use child-directed learning as much as possible. Unschooling is about letting children follow their own interests and learn through a process of discovery and exploration. It doesn't necessarily mean a complete lack of formal teaching or structured learning, and parents often use a technique called "strewing" to expose their children to learning new things.

I know a lot of children and adults who are or were unschooled. They are all well-balanced and successful individuals, and many of them started taking their GCSEs or A levels earlier than their peers (unschooling doesn't mean no qualifications). As far as work is concerned they are often better prepared for that than schooled children, because they have a lot of experience in the real world doing real things.

Incidentally, a lack of punishment doesn't mean a lack of discipline, the two are completely different things.

I totallt agree with you. The quotes in the OP are really OTT for me but I do agree with points.

 

[DLA]

I probably shouldn't have used the word "punishment" as the couple on the show said they did not discipline at all. I am curious about this though. If someone doesn't "discipline" at all, how do the children learn right from wrong without rules or consequences?

I'm not being argumentative, just an honest question.

 

[Lightworker]

I probably shouldn't have used the word "punishment" as the couple on the show said they did not discipline at all. I am curious about this though. If someone doesn't "discipline" at all, how do the children learn right from wrong without rules or consequences?

I'm not being argumentative, just an honest question.

Gentle guidance...eg if your child throws a toy, instead of putting them in the naughty chair or its equivalent, you explain that throwing toys can hurt people, and it can damage the toy.

Thats how they learn.

 

[3boys]

i homeschool and don't know alot about "unschooling" but i definitely know that kids love to learn when things are made fun for them and are very curious about the world around them.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I just don't understand it. I've yet to see a reason to 'un-school' that I agree with. I'm not a teacher, and I'd rather not use my child as an experiment to see if I could be.

 

[3boys]

I just don't understand it. I've yet to see a reason to 'un-school' that I agree with. I'm not a teacher, and I'd rather not use my child as an experiment to see if I could be.

you do not need to be a teacher to school your child, in fact there has been a lot of studies done on homeschooling in the U.S and homeschooled children do better than children in "normal" school because of the 1 on 1 attention they get.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

There is a difference between homeschooling using the National Curriculum and unschooling though.

 

[3boys]

totally agree and its not something i understand myself but i come under alot of judgement for homeschooling from people who have no idea what they are talking about so it makes me a little defensive about such topics. P.S. I love the christmas banner! Im a total xmas junkie! lol

 

[Kate&Lucas]

We're campaigning for Admin to open the grotto

 

[3boys]

when do they usually open it? Is is september?

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Yeah it was September 1st last year but I think it's normally October

 

[3boys]

ooh so hopefully with all your campaigning it will open in September again this year.

 

[3boys]

wrong thread

 

[smokey]

Some of the points made in the quote in the OP are just commen sense like

Be honest with your kids. Really.

When you have a bad moment, admit it. Move on.

After a time, if you know your child is never going to play with the above, and you no longer need it, bless another family or local thrift store with it. Create an environment that would be the ultimate summer vacation set-up.

Really note the *child's* interests. If you are into books and your child isn't, no big. Your child will have lots of other interests. Likewise, if you're into sports and your child isn't, your little 'un will have a lot to show *you*.

These should be part of everyday life regardless of if you unschool or not and you realy dont need to practise unschooling to live by these values

But I find comments such as

I'd rather have dentures than horrible memories of a parent forcing me to brush my teeth.

If a child is happily playing a computer game or watching TV for the *entire* time that that child would have been in school, that child is infinitely better off than if she was unhappily at school.

Get on eBay or go to thrift stores and garage sales and try to find and buy all the toys and books you loved as a kid and the ones you always wanted and never got. Then if you run into things you never saw but would've loved as a kid, buy those too. Sometimes I think about all the money I've saved on vaccinations, daycare, preschool, private school, formula and disposable diapers—I consider that "fun life" money.

Realy rather irrisponsable and a recipie for a spoilt child.
What is a child supposed to learn from being given every toy they want especialy when the day comes that you might not be able to afford it and have to suddenly say no.
So its fine for your child to have to have an adulthood of pain and dentist problems because you didnt want to have to say no to buying sweets or didnt want to be the bad guy by making them brush their teeth?

I agree fully that not everything can be taught in school and 90% of what we learn is life lessons but what are you realy learning about life from a "do what you want when you want" type attitude?

I cant help but think that unschooling isnt actualy anything like how that person is making out and they are just using unschooling as an exscuse to "be a cool parent" type of thing.

 

[Lightworker]

^ yeah I do agree with your last paragraph about some of the things, eg toys, teeth brushing etc. Perhaps she has unresolved issues about her own childhood as well and is attempting to deal with these by buying her children all the toys she wanted as a child, which doesn't make sense anyway within the context of unschooling, because she is the one choosing the toys, whereas I though unschooling was following the child's lead, not the other way around. x