A while ago i posted asking if it was weird that an elderly woman i speak to at the cemetery puts things on my baby's grave.
well, recently, i had the time to talk to her about it.
I asked her, Politely of course, why she felt the need to contribute to her grave, because, as someone said on my last post, you wouldn't put a rattle in a pram without asking permission.
She apologised for it, which i told her she need not do, i simply wanted a reason why. She then went on to explain.
This woman is 69 years old.
She has visited the cemetery for the last 40 something years with a bunch of flowers for a grave. Yet she knows of no one buried there.
She lost a baby when she was in her 20's, at 34 weeks. Her baby wasn't treated as a lost family member, and was taken away from her in the hospital.
she received a death certificate and a card stating a burial, but never knew where or when her baby was buried. She never saw her child after she was taken away. All she knew is that they most likely fit the coffin in with an adult when they were buried, or buried with several other babies in a mass grave.
She goes around every week putting flowers on a grave "just in case her baby is there".
She told me that when she saw me visiting every week to go to my gran's grave, she felt a longing for what i had. I started showing very early, so for at least 6 weeks she had noted my bump. I don't know if it made her feel happy or sad...
She said that when I lost Marley, and buried her, she felt a need to watch over her when I wasn't there. She lives across the road from the cemetery, and says she keeps an eye out during the day, to make sure Marley's windmills are still turning, and her teddies are sitting up straight.
At first i thought this was a bit strange. But now I find it quite comforting. As long as this lady is around, I will never go to my baby's grave to see it disturbed or messy, or to see teddies and flowers strewn by the wind.
I am touched by this woman's story. It sounds like something that should be in a film..
I feel for her, because she is far worse off than me.
I lost my baby, but I know exactly where she is. I closed the coffin, and I carried her to her grave. I know she is definitely where I placed her. But this woman has no idea where her baby is buried. Not even any proof that she *was* buried. She may never know where her baby is, or what has happened to her.
sorry for the long post.
I just needed to get this out there..
well, recently, i had the time to talk to her about it.
I asked her, Politely of course, why she felt the need to contribute to her grave, because, as someone said on my last post, you wouldn't put a rattle in a pram without asking permission.
She apologised for it, which i told her she need not do, i simply wanted a reason why. She then went on to explain.
This woman is 69 years old.
She has visited the cemetery for the last 40 something years with a bunch of flowers for a grave. Yet she knows of no one buried there.
She lost a baby when she was in her 20's, at 34 weeks. Her baby wasn't treated as a lost family member, and was taken away from her in the hospital.
she received a death certificate and a card stating a burial, but never knew where or when her baby was buried. She never saw her child after she was taken away. All she knew is that they most likely fit the coffin in with an adult when they were buried, or buried with several other babies in a mass grave.
She goes around every week putting flowers on a grave "just in case her baby is there".
She told me that when she saw me visiting every week to go to my gran's grave, she felt a longing for what i had. I started showing very early, so for at least 6 weeks she had noted my bump. I don't know if it made her feel happy or sad...
She said that when I lost Marley, and buried her, she felt a need to watch over her when I wasn't there. She lives across the road from the cemetery, and says she keeps an eye out during the day, to make sure Marley's windmills are still turning, and her teddies are sitting up straight.
At first i thought this was a bit strange. But now I find it quite comforting. As long as this lady is around, I will never go to my baby's grave to see it disturbed or messy, or to see teddies and flowers strewn by the wind.
I am touched by this woman's story. It sounds like something that should be in a film..
I feel for her, because she is far worse off than me.
I lost my baby, but I know exactly where she is. I closed the coffin, and I carried her to her grave. I know she is definitely where I placed her. But this woman has no idea where her baby is buried. Not even any proof that she *was* buried. She may never know where her baby is, or what has happened to her.
sorry for the long post.
I just needed to get this out there..
but all to common back then. Babies born sleeping just werent recognised and usually buried in a mass, unmarked grave. Poor woman.
xxxx
Bless her heart and all the goodness that comes from it 
didnt think i had any left xx
