Updated - Oh...My...God. I am shaking right now

[Dezireey]

I am sat here in utter disbelief and shock at the immense lie my FOB told me that has now, today been uncovered when I contacted CSA. I went through the procedures with a nice lady and she asked me 'does your ex have any other children?' I say 'no, he had a son who died age 5 but apart from that, no he doesn't'

She says 'well apparently he does, he is paying child support for another child, so that child is actually not deceased.

I did not mention it on here as I thought it private but basically my ex FOB left me when I was pregnant crying, saying that he couldnt support me or go through with it because his son died aged 5 after he looked after him alone, because the Mother left them. I had my suspicions back then but took him at his word. I held him when he cried, didn't claim child support, sympathised, totally fell for the lie.

I am crying my eyes out. How can someone say their child is dead to get off paying child support or being a father. Words just can't express what a horrible man I got involved with. Ladies, I am so angry with myself. My little boy has a half brother out there and this B..tard would have just never have told us, preventing him from ever knowing his brother. I left him a voicemail saying that the shit is going to hit the fan now on a serious level and 1) He WILL be paying child support now 2) I want to know who his other child is and lastly 3) if he doesnt explain things and talk about this, then EVERYONE he knows will be informed of everything he has done.

I need to calm down...it's unreal what people are capable of doing to others, unreal. He used to threaten suicide before but I actually, truly believe that if he rang me tomorrow saying he is now going to top himself I would just say 'go ahead' and I wouldn't care if he did.

 

[kassiaethne]

Wow you are one strong gal, that info would have blown my world. good for you for messaging him all that

 

[MissDee-89]

How awful I had an ex who said he had a baby that died of meningitis, everyone believed him and felt sorry for him. When I found out he lied I told people but to this day I dont know if people believed me or not.

Some men, and women of course, can be so disgusting
What did he say when you told him?

 

[Dezireey]

I'll keep you updated ladies, he is in work at the moment, so I know he can't respond. He will either go to ground (can't imagine how he can get out of this one so he could very well do this?) or he will call asap and just feed me some more lies. Will be very, very interesting to see what he comes up with.

My guess ( will let you know) is that he will spin some story now about his ex-partner leaving him and not letting him see his child. I will put money on that one. Seriously, seriously considering contacting everyone I possibly can and telling them about all this, soo tempting. I want to hear what the ******* says first though.

.....if there was anything to help me quickly get over this man...this is it.

Woah....I do not want someone who tells someone his child is dead to be anywhere near my child, ever.

 

[Dezireey]

Wow you are one strong gal, that info would have blown my world. good for you for messaging him all that

I am trying to be strong hun as my baby is here and needs me but the hurt I feel in my heart is real, real bad.

 

[lemontree12]

ooooh my goodness what a sick horrible piece of work!!! im am actually speechless

its your choice but i would certainly keep him away from my child. also the other childs mother will know about your little boy soon

 

[mommatoB]

wow im so sorry! gl hun

 

[Dezireey]

Lemon does that mean CSA will tell her he has another child? They told me and I know this affects payments. I would like to get into touch with her but dont know how I would do that?

 

[lemontree12]

yes they will have to ring her to tell her the circumstances have changed. as it stands she would recieve 15% of the earnings, but when theres more than 1 child it goes to 20% of the earnings shared between each child, getting 10% each. so she will def be made aware. to be honest they are pretty quick so she prob already knows now.
they wouldnt be able to tell you who she is id say, the only way of finding out is prob from him or would any of his friends even know her name.
i am in utter shock how he can a) even have the words come out of his mouth his child died b) pretend to cry about it. what is going threw his head?
this is all the reason why he didnt want you to go threw with csa, because he knew youd find out. to you think he may be in and out of this other childs life like your little ones?
i know its prob hard to think of now, but i guess you can now finally see him for the low life he is. i seen in another post you said that you never spoke for a month and how happy you felt, and i know from my own experience how happy and settled iv become since fob cut all ties, how would you feel about walking away from him?

 

[Dezireey]

Oh yes definitely walking away from him. I dont want him anywhere near my son now and I think he is seriously mentally unstable ( i am sure he must have a condition that causes compulsive lying etc, he is not right in the head to say such things)

I think the only reason now I want to talk tommorow to him is that I would like to know about my LO's half brother and any contact info. After that he can just pay up child support an then disappear from our lives. Who wants someone like that around? I am sure my son will understand when he is older why his Dad left us - He is basically mentally ill. I am convinced of it. He needs therapy and fast.

 

[Louisandemma]

Wow... As a father, I cannot believe that pathetic jerk.

Stay strong. It's amazing that you're willing to get in touch with the child. Kudos to you.

 

[Dezireey]

Just re- read some old e-mails we sent each other around the time I got pregnant and he dumped me. Shocking, just shocking. He said things like ' you will not understand what its like to lose a child, to bury that child and know you couldnt protect them. Losing a child like that changes you......

And it goes on. How clever though. How to get a pregnant woman off your back by saying you had a child that died. I remember thinking back then ' how selfish of me to trouble him when he has gone through that trauma

Oy vey.... words are not good enough. So want to hear what he has to say to this!

 

[Linz88]

WOW dats siick

 

[teal]

Absolutely disgusting. Sending you massive hugs xx

 

[lemontree12]

how clever exactly, someone with a stable mind would not be able to go threw such a lie. i would be suprised if he gave the contact of the other lady, you could try this.
when you speak to the csa say that you understand that they cant give you her contact info, but if they could pass your telephone number onto to her. that way they arent breaking confidentuality. its worth a try, because i couldnt see him willing giving it to you.

you can offically say to your son you tried xx

 

[Dezireey]

Ah well surprise surprise. Silence today, not a peep from him. I do hope he at least read my messages and knows that I know his big secret. So I dont think I will be able to link up with my babys half brother. I may call the CSA Lemon and do what you said and give my information to them. So now he has to pay for another child. What a total idiot. Firstly, for someone who doesnt want kids, you would have thought he would have learnt his lesson the first time.

Some things do make sense to me now though. The ease in which he left me and his son, the way he stood his ground and refused to be a Dad. Well, if you have done it all before and hurt people this way, it is easier to do it again.

i also keep thinking of some of the things he said to me recently like, ' go be happy with your son, why cant you be thankful for what you have etc etc' Trying to make me think that harassing him for child support was like me being miserable, petty, not happy with my lot.

i am happy with my son, happier than i have ever been but is it so wrong to stick your heels in with an FOB ladies and want justice ( in the form of child support as that is the only justice we can get)?

 

[AbbynChloe]

I have never read anything so disgusting in my life.....I can't even imagine everything you are going through - i'd be PISSED!

anyways thinking of you xxxx

 

[MissDee-89]

Heard anything yet? I bet hes worried about you telling people. Did he ever tell you his sons name? Or where he lived?
Hope you are ok x

 

[lemontree12]

i totally agree with you, about justice. i would never of asked for child support of fob is he didnt treat me so disgustly, if he treated me like a human with feelings and didnt lie, cheat to get what he wanted, i would of understood he wasnt ready to be a dad and i would of left it. i believe its the only thing i could of controlled and a reminder every month of what he done.


did you manage to ring csa?

 

[Dezireey]

Havent had a chance yet but will try to tell them the story. I have asked him ( yesterday) to give me details of this other kid but he has gone silent ( unusual for him as he always has something to say) hopefully they can give me info. If not its a lost cause I think.