Upset best friend badly

[oliviarose]

Oh I don't expect things to be fine right now.. I know if it were to be fixed it would take time...

As I've said I've already sent one apology... via text.. I shall email her another one later tonight.. and I shall send flowers/card and leave it at that... like the idea of sending flowers every so often... I shall do that... but obviously it is up to her...

I have put myself in her shoes and know how upset I would feel and not sure if I could get past it either....

 

[oliviarose]

And once again THANK YOU all for your help/advice/opinions....

 

[emyandpotato]

She probably feels distraught and alone right now. I wouldn't be talking to you either if it was me. I'd be sending flowers and a long apology letter.

 

[lilyd]

In her shoes, I'd be hurt but I would get over it. I've had a couple of 'incidents' over the years with friends, but we've always managed to get through it.

One of my best friends sent me something far worse (and it was considered not accidental) but we got over it.

We don't always agree with choices that our friends make, she won't agree with everything you've done either but you still support each other through the bad decisions and I'm sure that's what you would have done. Let her lick her wounds, she will be hurt, but there's not much that can totally destroy a long term close friendship imo.

 

[special_kala]

I think your friend is over reacting a little here.

If I were her I would have just sent a message back like 'well arnt you a knob" and got over it.

 

[oliviarose]

I think your friend is over reacting a little here.

If I were her I would have just sent a message back like 'well arnt you a knob" and got over it.

Lol can you be my friend right now... fab attitude to have

 

[louandivy]

I think your friend is over reacting a little here.

If I were her I would have just sent a message back like 'well arnt you a knob" and got over it.

Lol I totally agree, I can understand why she's upset but don't beat yourself up over it...I think it's a little over sensitive to hold a grudge! My friends have said some shitty things about me in the past I'm sure but I've probably said similar things about them so I just let it go

 

[Sqwidge]

I haven't read all the replies so I may be repeating or you may have already done something. But forget emailing, texting or sending something. Call her. If she doesn't answer then go and see her, if you think taking a bunch of flowers would help do so, but just talk to her. If you've been best friends for this long chatting to her and having a heart to heart is the best way to do it.

 

[Sqwidge]

I have read replies and you said you can't go and see her because of her mum. Call her to see if she wants to meet for a coffee??

Also, don't change your schedule because you're afraid of her mum, that's crazy! If anything, you can always say to her mum it was a mistake, you're trying to make it up to her daughter and she should kinda stay out of it!

 

[oliviarose]

Her mum won't stay out of it... She is one of those very interfering mothers... and she is one of those women who isn't afraid to tell people something... so she will take great pleasure in telling everyone who will listen what I have done... She has done it with me about her other daughter... I've had to listen to her mum bitch about her daughter... She is not a woman you want to be on the wrong side of!

in all honesty I don't know if letters, emails, cards or flowers will help the situation any... I'm gonna try... But from how her sister has briefly spoke about things I think im buggered...

love your attitude too louandivy... so wish I could be like that... makes life a lot more simple and more enjoyable as you're not worrying all of the time...

 

[special_kala]

I could understand if you sent her a message calling her horrible names and saying how much you hate her but let's face it what you said is true. Its unlikely she would give up so easily of she had to self fund.

I would just call her and say " look I'm a knob and I'm sorry but its just hard for me to see you have loads of oppurtuniitesi wish I had. I think you are a fab teacher and more then capable but understand its not for you."

 

[seoj]

Hope things are sorted out with your friend soon hun... I know my bestie and I have had a few big blow ups over the 15yrs we've been friends. I do think it's somewhat natural to a point- even though we love eachother, we are different people and don't always see eye to eye. We just do our best to support the other one (even if we think they are nutso!) and although the blow-outs weren't fun at the time, we always talked through it, moved on and I would say even stronger for it.

I can see why she'd be upset- I would be- but, I'd get over it. You didn't say anything worth throwing away a great friendship over. If she does- then I would agree she's being over sensative for sure.

I think it normal to vent a bit about your friends from time to time- yes, it sucks you got caught- but we've all had those moments. I'm sure she isn't totally free from saying snide comments about you at times. Not that I'd mention that

 

[RaspberryK]

You know I think that your friend's being a bit childish and yes it smarts a bit but maybe just maybe she needs to hear what you actually think.
I pretty much always say it anyway.
Sounds like she's got it pretty easy and it's so hard watching someone throw away or not appreciate the opportunity they have.
xx

 

[sparkle_1979]

Oh dear my stomache sank when I read u sent it to her,

U know though we all say shitty things we shouldn't ... Give your friend the time she deserves to sulk, grovel lots and then she should just get over it

You could even send some flowers

 

[TwilightAgain]

Oh dear, what a mess! I totally understand your frustrations in that she's had so many opportunities, sometimes it's hard to find something you actually enjoy, it's easy to want to do something from the outside looking in but it's obviously not always as good as you think. I feel bad for your friend because she must feel pretty confused, it's not always easy not being happy in your job.

I agree that your text message was honest, but I don't think your friend is overreacting at all. I'd be thoroughly hurt if any of my friends were sending such text messages about me to their partners. I think the only thing you can do now is grovel and hope that she can forgive you. I hope you both work something out

 

[Andypanda6570]

I would be hurt also. It wasn't said to her, it was said to someone else.

She probably feels like you speak about her to others and that hurts, cause you are friends for so long. I think she will get over it and speak to you again, but i do think you owe her an apology and a promise that when you feel something you will tell her straight out instead of someone else.. She probably would have been a bit offended anyway if it was said to her, but she would have gotten over it quickly had it happened that way..I think you are a good friend , cause you are here posting about hurting her.. Apologize and promise and mean it

 

[oliviarose]

Thanks again ladies...

Email has been sent... didn't say it in the way I wanted to... But my mind went blank...

got her favourite sweets... Going to send them tomorrow with some flowers....

Not sure what I should do next...

 

[seoj]

Just give her time hun- you've done all you can, you apologized and made the effort. I think she needs to come to you when she's ready. Hopefully soon! I get why she's hurt- but it's not like you were really "mean" you were just honest- and sometimes, faced with honesty- people cannot handle it. Sadly.

There are for sure times I've not understood why my best friends got so upset over something? But it's her emotions and life lessons that helped make her who she is. We are very different in many ways- but part of why we have been friends for so long. We balance eachother out. I'm sure you and your friend are the same. This shouldn't break that.

 

[Bex84]

as above just give her time, her pride is probably hurt so she may need some time for it to stop hurting and also time to build back trust

 

[oliviarose]

That's all I can do now... gonna deliver the flowers to her work tomorrow... Then it's just a waiting game.... she has read my email now.... no reply as of yet though....

Thanks again ladies for being so kind and all of your advice... its so nice to know there are people out there who want to help.. especially as I've had no one to talk to in RL... As I would of usually spoken to friend... hubby is no good to talk to and my mum isn't the best for advice... so once again another big THANK YOU xxx