Upset, OT. :-( (Updated Post)

[pinkerbelle]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for the Off Topic Post, but just need somewhere to vent.

I have been told by my Mum that she is leaving my Dad and that she will probably be doing this tomorrow, they have been married for almost 28 years. They have been through hell together so I can understand that things are not the same anymore. We lost my sister almost 7 years ago to Cancer, she was 17 years old. This has put a huge strain on their marriage.

I know I am mature enough ( I am almost 27) to accept this decision but does not stop it from hurting.

I am so gutted that this is happening and was in floods of tears with my hubby last night.

I wanted to update evryone on this situation. My parents are now having marriage counselling and it seems to be going really well! They have decided to seek help and give it another go. Both of them seem a lot happier now and they look like they have found their love for each other again. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out this time.

Thanks again everyone for all your kind comments before.

x x x

I never thought I would be TTC whilst my parents are going through a seperation. I dont want to be selfish about it as I love both of my parents so much and dont want them to be unhappy, but I am so upset by this.

I know none of you will be able to do anything, but just needed somewhere to vent.

Thanks for reading.

x x x

 

[xxxjessxxx]

 

[doopersgurl]

aw hun sorry about that...

big hugs to you

we are all here if you need us

 

[kittylady]

oh hun just because your older doesn't make it any less painful. We're here for you always

 

[mammaleigh]

I can understand what your going through. My parents have been on the rocks for the past year, they will celebrate their 30th at the end of novemeber. My dad keeps saying that he is not happy about it and it just reminds him of how much of his life he was wasted.
The first time he said it I was in shock...I mean I knew they were going through a rough time but they have been through a lot worse.
I am sorry I know it hurts, just be there for them if they need it and remember that its not your relationship. (I dont want that to sound mean) I guess what I am trying to say is try not to allow their relationship to effect yours with them. Make any since or should I get another cup of coffee?!?! haha

 

[pinkerbelle]

Thank you everyone. I am trying to not really worry about it too much, I just thought that it might get better, but I guess the loss of my sister has just been too much for them. They renewed their wedding vows on their 25th anniversary and I thought everything was ok, but my mum is just not happy. I will support them both no matter what happens but I just really dont want them to split, but I also dont want them to be unhappy. Sorry I am babbling now.

 

[TryinFor1]

I can understand what your going through. My parents have been on the rocks for the past year, they will celebrate their 30th at the end of novemeber. My dad keeps saying that he is not happy about it and it just reminds him of how much of his life he was wasted.
The first time he said it I was in shock...I mean I knew they were going through a rough time but they have been through a lot worse.
I am sorry I know it hurts, just be there for them if they need it and remember that its not your relationship. (I dont want that to sound mean) I guess what I am trying to say is try not to allow their relationship to effect yours with them. Make any since or should I get another cup of coffee?!?! haha

That is an awful thing to say, especially to their daughter.

I'm sorry you had to hear him say that.



AND TO THE OP:

You have every right to be upset. They are your parents, regardless of your age. Nobody wants to go through a separation. My parents split when I was 12. I havent spoke to my dad in several years and havent seen him even longer. As long as they love you, and you love them, that is all that matters. You dont have to be together to be a loving family. I wish you luck, and your mom also. I cant imagine what it would be like to leave someone you have been married to for 28 years. Would take a strong woman I think.

And also, I am sorry for your sister. 17 is such a young, unfair age. I have a little sister too and I cant even think about her getting hurt without bawling, let alone losing her. You are strong too.

 

[themarshas]

I know that it is probably 10x harder to see your parents split when you're older but I kind of understand as my parents split when I was 14. All I can say is that I know my parents would tell me to get out of a relationship, no matter how long I'd been in it, if I wasn't truly happy. You only get one shot at life (and considering the loss of your sister you and they know better than anyone how short it can be) and don't they deserve to be the happiest they can be? Even if it means they aren't together? My parents moved on and my mom is in a long term relationship (5 years) and I've never seen her happier. My father has been remarried for 6 years and I honestly cant even imagine that my parents were ever happier together than they are now with different people. Anyway, I know that it sucks and I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister, I can't imagine how hard that must have been on you and them, all I can say is that hopefully one day you'll look back and see that they were unhappy at this point in time and hopefully they will happier in the future.

 

[MaryP]

I'm so sorry that you have been hit with this. As if you all haven't been through enough pain. It's sad, but I know SO many couples who never made it after the loss of a child. One would think the opposite, but sadly, the stress and depression can just tear two people apart. I am almost 43, and lost my brother 5 years ago to suicide at the age of 42. My parents are 81 - been married for close to 60 years - but these last few years, even at their age, have been hell. Try to stay strong - for you - and for them. Sometimes it's a way of healing of sorts, if that makes any sense. Maybe emotionally and mentally they will both be in a better place. Prayers to you and your family.

 

[Luvmysunshine]

My dad left my mom on October 12. I know exactly how you are feeling. I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep over this. I knew they were having trouble but I never thought he would actually leave. My mom is so hurt and is now alone in a five bedroom house. The house they were going to retire in and enjoy their grandchildren. She cries a lot is genuinely just hurt. I'm angry at my dad for hurting her but want him to be happy at the same time. January would be their 29th anniversary and I'm 28 and the oldest of four. I'm really confused and hurt and unsure of what to expect. I keep getting stuck in the middle of them having to choose who to do what with. I'm the only one with children and my sons are close with both of them. I'm in a very difficult spot and I hate it. I grieve for the loss of having them together every time I see them. Or going to their house and seeing my dad sitting there with his glasses on reading the paper. I get very upset when I think about how it will never be the same and I just can't look at my dad the same way. I essentially grieving the loss of the family I knew and the dad I knew. I know just how you feel and I'm sorry you're going through this. But I'm here if you'd line to talk. Just pm me if you need to. I know you're hurting.

 

[pinkerbelle]

Thank you so much everyone. My mum has decided to have a chat with my dad tomorrow and tell him exactly how she feels, she is also going to tell him that she is going to stay with a friend for a while to have a break and a trial seperation, but during this time she would like them to have marriage counselling. They have had counselling before for bereavement, but seperately, so hopefully this is going to help. i really hope this helps as i so dont want them to divorce, I have my fingers crossed. Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it. x x x

 

[pinkerbelle]

Bump for the update.