Upset! When did you start TTC after loss?

[ginamurr]

I am so upset. I MC'ed Friday at 5 weeks.

Today - I had a follow up with my OBGYN. They had to do an internal (yuck) and I have to get bloodwork this week to make sure my HCG is below 5.

My MC was very traumatic for me. Besides being upsetting in and of itself, it was very painful. I had the worst cramps of my life. I was absolutely shocked by the amount of pain I was in. I had to go to the emergency room and even after morphine, they were still painful.

Anyway, the part that upset me was that the Nurse Practitioner said to me that most women wouldn't even know they were preg at 5 weeks and that most would just assume they got a late, heavy period with cramping. I thought this really made my loss seem insignificant. What an insensitive thing to say!

Two minutes later she told me that I need to wait until 2 weeks AFTER the bleeding stops to resume intercourse AND I have to wait 2 CYCLES to TTC

My question - if some women don't even notice a MC at 5 weeks - then why do I have to follow this procedure?! Those "other women" wouldn't.

I don't want to - I just want to resume my regular "activities" and TTC once I know my HCG is where it needs to be and bleeding has stopped.

What did you all do? What directions did your doctor give you?

I know a few women who concieved right away after a MC and had healthy pregnancies. I have even read some things that said you can be more fertile after a MC. I don't know whether that is true though.

I need advice - Help!

 

[Hopefull11]

Hi Ginamurr,

First off I want to give you and I'm so sorry for your loss! I just recently had a m/c at 8 weeks on sept 10.2010 and having to have a D&C . It was very traumatic for me and my DH. My bleeding stopped about 10 days after the procedure, mind you it wasn't a lot of bleeding just mostly spotting - heavy spotting here and there! 2.5 weeks later(once i knew my HCG levels were back to 0) my hubby and I DTD a few times in a row! I took a few OPK's because I just FELT that I was ovulating and sure enough I ov'd on Oct.1st! (NOTE... I DID NOT HAVE A PERIOD YET)
I am now waiting for Oct.14th to hurry its butt up so I can POAS to see if I get a

I to, read that women can conceive right away after a m/c or D & C , and also that the first 3 months you are more fertile!
Do what you feel is right! If you think you are ready tic, then go full force!
Good luck to you

 

[JackiePed]

Hey There....
Yeah, they don't always know what to say, do they? I'm sure the nurse had good intentions, to try to make your loss seem less painful, but if someone hasn't been through it, they don't understand that, although you don't need everyone you throw you a funeral, you DO need them to acknowledge that it's a loss, nonetheless.
When I mc'd a month ago, doc came in and asked, "What seems to be the problem?" and I said, "Umm, well, I think-- I'm miscarrying." and he kinda make that 'tsk tsk' noise and sighed and said, "Oooh. Hate when that happens..."
I wasn't sure whether to laugh... or be offended. What-- did I whack my funny bone??
(then again, the overly-helpful reception nurse kept trying to hug me, so...

OK-- now for the important part:
My doc (and many things that I've read) said there is no reason to wait to TTC when it happens early like this. I was at 7 weeks and he said I didn't have to wait, so I'm sure you don't at 5 weeks. He said the only reason to wait is to ensure that your body is able to restore nutrients that it has lost to the pregnancy...but that this early no nutrients have been lost! He said your lining will build up just fine, your body will shed it like a period, and build it back up until your next period (or your pregnancy!)...so no reason to think you need to wait.

Hope that helps! I didn't want to wait either, so we started TTC again as soon as I was done bleeding.

 

[ginamurr]

Hey There....
Yeah, they don't always know what to say, do they? I'm sure the nurse had good intentions, to try to make your loss seem less painful, but if someone hasn't been through it, they don't understand that, although you don't need everyone you throw you a funeral, you DO need them to acknowledge that it's a loss, nonetheless.
When I mc'd a month ago, doc came in and asked, "What seems to be the problem?" and I said, "Umm, well, I think-- I'm miscarrying." and he kinda make that 'tsk tsk' noise and sighed and said, "Oooh. Hate when that happens..."
I wasn't sure whether to laugh... or be offended. What-- did I whack my funny bone??
(then again, the overly-helpful reception nurse kept trying to hug me, so...

OK-- now for the important part:
My doc (and many things that I've read) said there is no reason to wait to TTC when it happens early like this. I was at 7 weeks and he said I didn't have to wait, so I'm sure you don't at 5 weeks. He said the only reason to wait is to ensure that your body is able to restore nutrients that it has lost to the pregnancy...but that this early no nutrients have been lost! He said your lining will build up just fine, your body will shed it like a period, and build it back up until your next period (or your pregnancy!)...so no reason to think you need to wait.

Hope that helps! I didn't want to wait either, so we started TTC again as soon as I was done bleeding.

Thanks! I am starting to think the same - we are just going to do what we think is right. If it is meant to be, it will be!

Good luck to you! I hope you get your sticky bean this month!

 

[Amygdala]

Sorry for your loss! And for the insensitive nurse. Sounds like she was meaning well and just not very good at finding the right words though.
Anyway, I had a mmc (pregnancy ended at 8+4, discovered at 11+6) and we started ttc in my first cycle post-mc. The only thing you need to worry about really is making sure the bleeding has stopped so there's no risk of infection. We waited 2 days after spotting stopped, just to be sure.
Good luck!

 

[bumski]

really really sorry for your loss hun, doctors can be so insensitive, it took us 3 years to get a bfp and their view was the same, "if i wasnt trying i would never have known" yeah, fair enough, but i WAS trying and we DID know! and it REALLY mattered

the doc also said to start trying whenever we feel ready, hope your ok

 

[NewToAllThis]

I was told to wait one cycle.... we didn't and good job too as cd 43 after m/c and still waiting for AF.
I think they mostly say that for dating purposes but you can always have a scan to date you.

Go for it - if you're anything like me, it helps with the healing process to carry on as normal.

 

[Lucina]

I was told I was ok to start straight away after first one by the epu but regretted it as got pg and had a miscarriage again within 2 months and was so much more devastating the second time round. If you are physically and mentally up for it then go for it but do bear in mind possible effect if worst happens again. Good luck

 

[ginamurr]

I was told to wait one cycle.... we didn't and good job too as cd 43 after m/c and still waiting for AF.
I think they mostly say that for dating purposes but you can always have a scan to date you.

Go for it - if you're anything like me, it helps with the healing process to carry on as normal.

I agree - I think I will feel better if I just go about things as normal.

Just because I had a MC doesn't necessarily mean I will have another - right?

 

[Lucina]

I was told to wait one cycle.... we didn't and good job too as cd 43 after m/c and still waiting for AF.
I think they mostly say that for dating purposes but you can always have a scan to date you.

Go for it - if you're anything like me, it helps with the healing process to carry on as normal.

I agree - I think I will feel better if I just go about things as normal.

Just because I had a MC doesn't necessarily mean I will have another - right?

Definitely! I think I was just really unlucky. My MIL is an obsteotrician and she said there really isn't any major change in risk factor until you have 3 which is why they dont test until after then. Fingers crossed for you

 

[ginamurr]

I was told to wait one cycle.... we didn't and good job too as cd 43 after m/c and still waiting for AF.
I think they mostly say that for dating purposes but you can always have a scan to date you.

Go for it - if you're anything like me, it helps with the healing process to carry on as normal.

I agree - I think I will feel better if I just go about things as normal.

Just because I had a MC doesn't necessarily mean I will have another - right?

Definitely! I think I was just really unlucky. My MIL is an obsteotrician and she said there really isn't any major change in risk factor until you have 3 which is why they dont test until after then. Fingers crossed for you

Ooo - thank you MIL for that info!

That gives me hope.

That is something my doctor should have said to me - I need to switch doctors...

 

[Lucina]

I got a bit peeved when she said it at first as wanting tested straight away as was so impatient but now its made me calmer as realise they can be just really crappy, horrible one off events.

 

[ncmommy]

It is a personal choice so if you and OH are ready...go for it!!

I ovulated about 1.5 weeks after I started bleeding with my last mc so I know I could have gotten pregnant right away but was going to start testing as I have had 3 mcs.

Lots of baby dust to you!!!!!

 

[Oz_Girl]

.. Sorry for your loss..

I too just M/C this past sunday (8wk 1 day). I had a pap on 9-30-10 and MC on 10-3-10. I was so upset because on 9-30 we heard the HB of the baby and everything was great (great HCG and Progest levels). On Sunday I had extreme contractions and passed the sac and everything in one go. Obviously I went to the hospital and my Dr said I didnt need a D&C although I have been on Methergine since (today is my last day)

Ive been feeling really positive about the whole situation(trying to be stong!!). I tried to get pg for over a year and finally it happened, so when I MC I was in so much shock. I only have one ovary due to PCOS so I wanted to start TTC right away. My DH seems positive about it too but I am confused because some posts are saying that getting pg right after can be good but bad.. IDK what I should do!!!

Im in the same boat friend

 

[ginamurr]

.. Sorry for your loss..

I too just M/C this past sunday (8wk 1 day). I had a pap on 9-30-10 and MC on 10-3-10. I was so upset because on 9-30 we heard the HB of the baby and everything was great (great HCG and Progest levels). On Sunday I had extreme contractions and passed the sac and everything in one go. Obviously I went to the hospital and my Dr said I didnt need a D&C although I have been on Methergine since (today is my last day)

Ive been feeling really positive about the whole situation(trying to be stong!!). I tried to get pg for over a year and finally it happened, so when I MC I was in so much shock. I only have one ovary due to PCOS so I wanted to start TTC right away. My DH seems positive about it too but I am confused because some posts are saying that getting pg right after can be good but bad.. IDK what I should do!!!

Im in the same boat friend

Sorry for your loss Ozgirl - so sad, I know how you feel

MC is definitely something that I never thought would happen to me

At this point I am just going to have to put it in God's hands. We are not going to wait to try again. DH is looking forward to it

If we are meant to get preg right away, we will- if not, then we will just have to wait for the right time

to you!

 

[Leeze]

Hi ladies

Firstly, sorry for all of your losses

I had a m/c in June at 5 week 5 days - similar really heavy cramps and lots of pain. The nurse at hospital said it was ok to start trying straight away as it was early and my HCG levels were dropping quite quickly.

So, I think as long as you're emotionally ready then there's no harm in trying again straight away. When it's quite an early m/c then I think the main reason they recommend you wait is so that they can date the next pregnancy more accurately but with all the technology advances now that doesn't really matter!

Lots of baby dust and courage to keep going xx

 

[kit_cat]

So sorry about your loss

I do agree though, if you're ready both in mind and body, then go for it. Me and OH are doing exactly that. It's only been about a week since I stopped bleeding but we both felt ready and actually are using it as a positive to help us move on from the loss. Am not going to worry about tracking OV or anything like that at the mo', just going to enjoy lots of BDing for the next few weeks - lets call it therapy

Good luck babydust to you

 

[Oz_Girl]

Thanks for the feedback

Don't get me wrong this whole thing has been horrible, and Im sure everyones experience is different, but it hasn't been anywhere as bad as what I thought it would be. Not to give TMI but I figured I would be bleeding for weeks. I have already stopped bleeding and all my symptoms seem to have stopped pretty much right away. Ive heard that you can still have PG symptoms for weeks after you MC.

So Ive decided I am gonna start trying again. My family isnt too happy about it but I dont really care- is that wrong? Im sure they are just trying to protect me from getting hurt again..

anyway Ill keep you updated with the TTC business----- Good luck to you too Ginamurr We can do it

 

[ginamurr]

Thanks for the feedback

Don't get me wrong this whole thing has been horrible, and Im sure everyones experience is different, but it hasn't been anywhere as bad as what I thought it would be. Not to give TMI but I figured I would be bleeding for weeks. I have already stopped bleeding and all my symptoms seem to have stopped pretty much right away. Ive heard that you can still have PG symptoms for weeks after you MC.

So Ive decided I am gonna start trying again. My family isnt too happy about it but I dont really care- is that wrong? Im sure they are just trying to protect me from getting hurt again..

anyway Ill keep you updated with the TTC business----- Good luck to you too Ginamurr We can do it

I know what you mean - my mom thinks I should wait and let myself heal for a while.

Bottom line (not to sound like a teenager, but...) - my life, my body and DH and I will make this decision for ourselves!

 

[NewToAllThis]

Kit Kat, Oz Girl & Gina,

I totally agree - your body, your decision.
I feel the same - that the only thing that will help me get over my loss is to try again. Something to focus on.

Hugs to you all and sending you