Urgent help needed!!!!

[Soon tobe mom]

So I found out a couple of days ago that I'm pregnant or so the test told me. I have been worried about so much since then. I am only 16 and I know that is quite young but I want to keep this baby. My boyfriend and I are in a very stable relationship which helps a lot but my parents absolutely hate him. I don't know whether I should tell them I am or not. I don't want to have to give up the baby. My boyfriend knows that I'm most likely pregnant and he is absolutely over the moon with joy. He doesn't want to give the baby up and refuses too. My friends have been really supportive but I honestly have no idea what to do! I don't know how to tell my parents and knowing that if I tell them I will definately be kicked out of this house. Also, the fact that I hardly can see my boyfriend also is not good. We have tried everything to see eachother and it has come down to me sneaking out of school to see him. I need to continue with school as I want to be able to finish grade 12 but i don't know the options. The baby is due around July - August. Also, his mother is very supportive of us.

Has anyone been through the same experience? Any ideas what I should do? Should I tell my parents knowing that they will not support me or bub and I will most definately be kicked out?

Any opinions or anything would be absolutely amazing.

 

[skyesmom]

Hey dear, sorry to hear that you are in such a hard situation. But you are not completely alone as your boyfriend is supportive of you, and his mother as well (does she know you are pregnant, by the way?)

Regarding telling your parents and them kicking you out:
You CAN'T hide that you are pregnant forever - you will eventually start to show and have a baby and the truth will come out anyway. And it is likely that your parents will support you even less, if you hide it from them for a long while.

If you are sure that they will kick you out once they find out, then inform yourself of other housing options you may have, because whether you tell them or not, sooner or later they WILL find out and you WILL need another place to stay.

If your boyfriend's mom is supportive of you as you say, could you ask him or her if it would be an option for you to stay at theirs for a while at least, until the situation with your parents settles or until you find another housing option?

You could go to a planned parenthood/school councilor or something similar, together with your boyfriend, explain your family situation and ask them what are your options in case you do get kicked out.

Also, I REALLY wouldn't WAIT with any of these (asking for help from your bf/his family, etc) - and I would face your parents as soon as possible. You never know how they will react in the end.

and importantly - NO ONE can force you to give your baby up, nor a parent can take the decision of giving up your baby for adoption. Nor can they force you to terminate the pregnancy.

In the meantime, start taking some prenatal vitamins, you don't need a prescription for those, and ask your boyfriend's mom if she can help you with getting a doctors' appointment to check out how far along you are, etc.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

Well, you might be surprised about your parents not supporting you. Granted they might wish you were older, but sometimes they can respond in ways you might not expect, especially when it comes to their grandbaby. The best thing to do first and foremost is just be honest with your parents. Having a baby means entering adulthood and part of that is sticking to your decisions in the face of judgment. As PP said you can't hide that you are pregnant forever.

If you are scared for your housing situation, make a backup plan before you tell them, just in case. Have someone who is willing to take you in while you figure out where you can go or hopefully work things out with your parents. If they get angry at first, they won't be forever. You said that your boyfriend's mom is supportive of you. Does she know? Could you stay there while things blow over? You need to be in as stress-free of an environment as possible, dear.

There are free counseling options available too if that would help you. Regarding school, there are alternative programs as well. I knew a classmate who got pregnant her junior year and graduated top of her class on time.


It's a good sign that your boyfriend is happy and wants to be a part of the baby's life. Most young women in your situation don't have that--FOB usually bolts. So start counting your blessings in life and try not worry about the burdens.

And again as PP said, don't wait on talking to your parents, don't wait of finding alternative housing IF that's what you need to do. Godspeed and enjoy your pregnancy :~)

 

[Soon tobe mom]

His mom doesn't know about what has happened. I am planning on asking her if it is okay that I might have to stay with them for a little bit this afternoon. I am really scared though. What vitimins would you suggest as I have honestly no idea what I am doing. I don't know how I am supposed to tell my family as me even admitting it to myself was quite difficult. Thanks so much for the advice.

 

[Soon tobe mom]

Well, you might be surprised about your parents not supporting you. Granted they might wish you were older, but sometimes they can respond in ways you might not expect, especially when it comes to their grandbaby. The best thing to do first and foremost is just be honest with your parents. Having a baby means entering adulthood and part of that is sticking to your decisions in the face of judgment. As PP said you can't hide that you are pregnant forever.

If you are scared for your housing situation, make a backup plan before you tell them, just in case. Have someone who is willing to take you in while you figure out where you can go or hopefully work things out with your parents. If they get angry at first, they won't be forever. You said that your boyfriend's mom is supportive of you. Does she know? Could you stay there while things blow over? You need to be in as stress-free of an environment as possible, dear.

There are free counseling options available too if that would help you. Regarding school, there are alternative programs as well. I knew a classmate who got pregnant her junior year and graduated top of her class on time.


It's a good sign that your boyfriend is happy and wants to be a part of the baby's life. Most young women in your situation don't have that--FOB usually bolts. So start counting your blessings in life and try not worry about the burdens.

And again as PP said, don't wait on talking to your parents, don't wait of finding alternative housing IF that's what you need to do. Godspeed and enjoy your pregnancy :~)

Thanks heaps that is something that I am very glad to have that he hasn't bolted. My older best friend had the same thing when she was 17 and the father of her baby bolted. I am planning on organising housing very soon. I am just worried about couselling as I have done it before and they decided to tell my parents most things. I am starting to show the signs of clumsiness, morning sickness and my father almost caught me this morning being sick in his car which was not good so I am just thinking about how I am supposed to tell them. They don't even know that I slept with him they think we always sleep in seperate rooms.

 

[skyesmom]

The sooner you tell them, the better.

It doesn't sound like you are very close to your parents, from what you say, but are you closer to any of the two? ie. would it be easier/better to break the news to your mom first, and then tell it to your dad together with her? or this is a no-go option for you?

I would try to be as direct and honest as possible, and tell them in person - avoid text messages or phone calls to give such news. Even if they DO rage out as you expect them to, it doesn't mean they will stay this way forever. It may take them some time to come around, and get used to the new situation and deal with it. But they may as well surprise you with your reaction.

Also, you guys should tell your boyfriends mom soon as well. It is better that she hears the news from you two than from your two raging parents.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

Rainbow Light makes a great plant-based prenatal that I take. Can find it at Rite-Aid or regular drug store.

As for counseling, I'm not sure what state you're in and what the laws are for minors. Could swear that 13+ you can choose to not disclose information with your parents but that's only in WA or CA as far as I know.

Well dear, you can't wait forever especially now that you are showing signs. Mothers are very intuitive--my mom came to visit when I was 12 weeks and asked me point-blank if I was pregnant. So there's that.

Your parents aren't stupid I'm sure they've realized you have slept with your boyfriend at this point. Seriously! They know a lot more than they let on. At this point they might just be waiting for you to come clean with them about your condition.

It's not easy but it's easier than hiding it and at least you are being honest with them. The truth is the most important thing to some people so you still have that. I agree with PP that you and boyfriend should tell his mom together.

And also consider some options of breaking the news to your parents, like telling one parent first then the other with the support of the first?? The news should come from you, they would be upset if they heard about it through the grapevine. Don't wait, just do it lady!


GL to you and message me if you want to talk about anything

 

[Soon tobe mom]

The sooner you tell them, the better.

It doesn't sound like you are very close to your parents, from what you say, but are you closer to any of the two? ie. would it be easier/better to break the news to your mom first, and then tell it to your dad together with her? or this is a no-go option for you?

I would try to be as direct and honest as possible, and tell them in person - avoid text messages or phone calls to give such news. Even if they DO rage out as you expect them to, it doesn't mean they will stay this way forever. It may take them some time to come around, and get used to the new situation and deal with it. But they may as well surprise you with your reaction.

Also, you guys should tell your boyfriends mom soon as well. It is better that she hears the news from you two than from your two raging parents.

I am neither close to my mom to father and we are planning on telling his mother first. When I was at his place yesterday I found out that if I am kicked out she will definitely let me stay as she doesn't want me out on the streets. Yes, it would be better hearing it from us than my parents as we know now that we can trust her and we do not want to disturb that trust.

 

[skyesmom]

that's a great decision there. tell his mom first, and maybe she could also help you addressing your parents. it is good that you have her supporting you both. good luck with breaking the news!

 

[DaisyDreamer]

I am neither close to my mom to father and we are planning on telling his mother first. When I was at his place yesterday I found out that if I am kicked out she will definitely let me stay as she doesn't want me out on the streets. Yes, it would be better hearing it from us than my parents as we know now that we can trust her and we do not want to disturb that trust.

GL lady all the best to you. Hope it goes well it sounds like you have the support of a trusted adult.

 

[AthinaLove]

Hi im in the same situation as you are. im 17 and a senior in high school. A couple weeks ago i found out i was pregnant. Now im 6 weeks preganant and my baby is due next june or july

 

[AthinaLove]

HI,im in a situation like yours. Im 17 and im a senior in high school. A couple weeks ago i found out im pregnant. Now im 6 weeks and my baby is due june or july..

 

[Kuji]

Just here to wish you good luck. Everyone gave great advice already Definitely start taking a good prenatal vitamin as soon as possible. Not sure where you live, but here in Canada we have a great brand called Centrum. I take the Centrum Prenatals with DHA, although I stopped taking the DHA for a bit until my own morning sickness/sensitive stomach calms down a bit.

If it helps to encourage you, my sister was pregnant at 17 with her first child and is doing amazingly well. She's 23 right now with two sons, married with their father. She owns her own new car and they are looking into buying a house soon.
No matter what though, finish school! That's sadly one thing my sister did not do and because of that she actually lost an amazing job opportunity. It can and will be hard but trust me, it's worth it getting that degree!

 

[Soon tobe mom]

Hi im in the same situation as you are. im 17 and a senior in high school. A couple weeks ago i found out i was pregnant. Now im 6 weeks preganant and my baby is due next june or july

How has it been going for you? I have gotten used to the morning sickness and I'm enjoying the whole thing.

 

[Soon tobe mom]

Just here to wish you good luck. Everyone gave great advice already Definitely start taking a good prenatal vitamin as soon as possible. Not sure where you live, but here in Canada we have a great brand called Centrum. I take the Centrum Prenatals with DHA, although I stopped taking the DHA for a bit until my own morning sickness/sensitive stomach calms down a bit.

If it helps to encourage you, my sister was pregnant at 17 with her first child and is doing amazingly well. She's 23 right now with two sons, married with their father. She owns her own new car and they are looking into buying a house soon.
No matter what though, finish school! That's sadly one thing my sister did not do and because of that she actually lost an amazing job opportunity. It can and will be hard but trust me, it's worth it getting that degree!

Thank you for your words about your sister. It is really encouraging to know that other people have been through the same thing and I don't feel so alone in it all. My morning sickness is quite bad at the moment but in saying that I am slowly getting used to it. I have yet started to take any vitamins and I will try to get the one that you told me about. I am located in Australia so a lot of the vitamins are quite different over here.

 

[skyesmom]

have you guys spoken to his mom or to your parents yet? how did it go?

 

[AthinaLove]

Well..i never want to eat anything sometimes and i gag a lot but i never throw up(knock on wood)lol but im sooo tired most of the time as well

 

[Kuji]

That's completely normal and should fade as your near or enter the second trimester. My symptoms more or less went away by around 14 weeks (although I still sometimes get sick from time to time but more rarely). Just sleep when you can and stay as hydrated as possible. To make sure I was drinking enough, I had two 1-1.5L water bottles that I would refill all the time and would try to drink at least min both every day. Your baby needs the water to stay healthy and for the amniotic fluid. Also, you of course need to stay hydrated since it keeps you healthy too! I know it's hard to eat but try to at least munch on something when you can, even if it's just crackers. Some food is better than no food, even if the food is not the healthiest! You eat what you can and what you feel you'll be able to keep down.

How are things with your and his family by the way? Definitely make sure everyone is aware as soon as possible as it will make things easier and better for you. The longer you wait, the angrier they will be. Good luck!

 

[Soon tobe mom]

have you guys spoken to his mom or to your parents yet? how did it go?

We have planned to tell his mother in the next two weeks as I will be spending a week at his in two weeks time. So we have planned to tell her and we are going to wait a little bit longer to tell my parents.

 

[Soon tobe mom]

Well..i never want to eat anything sometimes and i gag a lot but i never throw up(knock on wood)lol but im sooo tired most of the time as well

Yes I am tired a lot too but whenever I try to sleep I can't. I only really get three hours sleep as I'm up early for school in the morning and then I'm up all night studying and on the phone to my boyfriend and end up falling asleep in classes throughout the day.