Very strange question, would this offend you?

Discussion in 'Formula Feeding' started by asacia, Aug 28, 2009.

  1. Plumfairy

    Plumfairy Mum-mum-mum-mum

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Messages:
    3,382
    Likes Received:
    0
    Its a really tough one. Its a very thoughtful thing of you to do and It'd be awful if she were to get upset by the offer, especially if she's having a tough time with other things in her life. Is she good enough a friend where you could just ask her outright if she wants it because you've got loads spare? Maybe just say it in a joking way and see what her response is...
     
  2. x-amy-x

    x-amy-x Mammy

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2008
    Messages:
    13,874
    Likes Received:
    0
    Honestly? I wouldn't even bring it up. If she's having a hard time she doesn't need to feel like she is making the wrong decision for her child. If she wants breast milk she would maybe express her own? But I dont know, it depends what you and her are like as friends. If Zara offered her breast milk for my baby I'd feel totally patronised. If I make the decision to formula feed, i would expect people to accept that xx
     
  3. Zarababy1

    Zarababy1 4 boys. TTC #5

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2008
    Messages:
    7,683
    Likes Received:
    0
    Id be offended and im 100% for breastfeeding i would never ask my best friend that and we're VERY close and theres not an awful lot of things i wont ask her! altho i would badger her to give breastfeeding a go if there wasnt any reson for her not too, but then again its her choice if she wants to FF then leave her be, im sure she doesnt tell u whats best for your child x

    Edit: Well amy said that one didnt she...she wouldnt want my breastmilk eather! :rofl:
     
  4. Connah'sMommy

    Connah'sMommy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2009
    Messages:
    6,119
    Likes Received:
    0
    really dont know wether i personally would bother bringing it up in a convo to be honest but its up2u.
    What you have to think about is,if she does get offended/annoyed you may loose a good friend and would you really want to risk doing that?
    On the other hand she may think it is really nice of you to offer.
    But only you know your friend hun and if you think she will take it well then go ahead :)

    Hope this helps x
     
  5. princess_bump

    princess_bump Happy Wife & Mumma!

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2008
    Messages:
    31,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    although i'm sure you're just trying to support her, if think if someone had asked me that, after deciding to ff - i would be offended! i would feel patronised!

    perhaps if you want to help her, you could ask her if there is anything you could do to make things easier for her, i don't think i would be impressed with someone offering me ebm, once i'd chosen to ff x
     
  6. jenny_wren

    jenny_wren Queen Spammatha

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2008
    Messages:
    20,751
    Likes Received:
    0
    i would be yea

    i formula fed from birth because it was my choice
    i would have been offended if someone offered me
    their breast milk to be honest

    it's a nice thought but i think best not to
    say anything as its her choice for her baby

    :hugs:

    x​
     
  7. whitelilly

    whitelilly Mummy :)

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,251
    Likes Received:
    0
    I just wouldn;t feel comfortable feeding my lo someone elses breast milk! simple as that!

    however, i would also feel offended and patronised. also... even if you say you have so much milk that you might have to donate some, she might already feel bad about ff and this might make the guilt worse?

    personally, i would just drop it and let her decide. you might think it is supportive and have the best intentions, which is lovely, but the best way of being supportive is to support her decision. xx
     
  8. june09

    june09 Mummy to Mia

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2009
    Messages:
    654
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd be offended, she's obviously chosen to FF for a reason and I think it's her choice so she might just take it the wrong way if you offered. I would definitely get offended by it.
     
  9. kirsten1985

    kirsten1985 Guest

    I find this interesting...can I ask what it is about this situation that would offend people so much?

    I understand that if someone has chosen to FF from birth it is their decision and they would not enjoy being made to feel it is the wrong one...but surely people would be able to have a decent conversation about this and not lose friendship over it? Is it that big a deal?

    Surely if people were going to be that offended by someone offering BM to them (for the first couple of days) then there is some doubt in their minds that FF is the right decision? And if they are umming and ahhing about which way to feed then surely someone offering them BM for the first few days then them FF after that is the perfect compromise?

    I'm genuinly asking a question here, not wanting to annoy anyone or start some sort of argument...

    :dohh:
     
  10. sophie c

    sophie c 2 gorgeous daughters <3

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2007
    Messages:
    2,861
    Likes Received:
    0
    i wouldnt be offended as much as patronised, if ive made a choice and my friend knew thats what i wanted to do then they should respect that decision not change it for the first few weeks....just my 2p

    although i think you have your best friends interest at heart

    xxxxxx :hugs: xxxxxxxxx
     
  11. FierceAngel

    FierceAngel Guest

    i think the issue is not that they are doubting their choice but tht the friend is!

    if somone offered me milk wen i had to stop bf it would have made me feel like even more of a faliure

    as much as its a lovely guesture (if she was having probs bf) its a bit of a slap in the face you cant do it but i can feed my baby and yrs..


    if she struggles to bf (like we did ascasia) then mention it if she is just choosing to ff then respect her choice..

    xxx
     
  12. kirsten1985

    kirsten1985 Guest

    Ok yeah, you're prob right, I struggled to BF and I would have appreciated it, but if she has chosen to FF then maybe she wouldn't. :)
     
  13. Leela2009

    Leela2009 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2009
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Personally I would be offended, Having breastfed and bottle fed, my choice to bottlefeed wasn't taken lightly and for a friend to offer her breastmilk I would feel she was telling me my choice was wrong and I'd feel she was putting me down as a mother, not posting to offend anyone this is just my honest opinion HTH :thumbup:
     
  14. jackiea85

    jackiea85 Mum of 2 boys

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    2,390
    Likes Received:
    0
    You could mention that you are considering donating some milk and see what she says, but I would be really careful how you say it xx
     
  15. tasha41

    tasha41 Mum & Dad + 1

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2008
    Messages:
    25,756
    Likes Received:
    0
    I wouldn't question my choices/get offended, but I'd get upset/annoyed with my friend. I'd feel like my friend was putting down my parenting decisions. Plus I heard enough about "liquid gold" (colostrum) and the benefits of breast from my doctors/nurses anyway.. I wouldn't want to hear it from my friend too. In a way I would be appreciative of the offer, but it would put me in a really awkward position, it's so generous, I wouldn't want to say no, but no way would I want it either really.

    I don't think if you say "oh I might have to donate some of my BM" she will pick up on the hint really.. I wouldn't, lol. I'm not stupid, I would just think you were making conversation though iykwim.
     
  16. ruth222

    ruth222 Mum of 1 to be Mum of 2

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    644
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would also be offended, as I tried and tried for 48 hours in the hospital to get my baby to take my breastmilk and when I came home and he wouldn't he preferred formula! I was gutted and had to deal with the guilt of choosing formula over breast milk. Ok so not everyones circumstances are the same, but I had my heart set on breast feeding and it didn't work out for us, but even if this hadn't of happened and my friend offered even though you didnt mean it in that way the first thing I would think is, god I feel like a bad mum for not BF as my friend is offering to give my baby some of hers, I would feel inadequate as a mum to be honest, and feel like my decision was wrong, I know your only trying to help though, but there are hundreds of women out there who have never breast fed there babies like me and have turned out just fine, so I don't think there is any need.
     
  17. pixie87

    pixie87 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2009
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    i'd probably be offended if it was my choice to ff :)
     
  18. BeckaJayne

    BeckaJayne Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2009
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would be offended if my friend offered me their BM as i struggled for 4 days in hospital trying to BF and there were many tears along the way and then to get home and try to express and that not to work too! A friend offering would make me feel like a bad mother as i used to think if i FF then i would be letting my LO down.
    I think only you would know whether your friend would be offended as you no them better then anyone on this forum (no offence ment to anyone whos commented on this subject)
     
  19. mrsholmes

    mrsholmes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2008
    Messages:
    2,897
    Likes Received:
    0
    my friend offered me when I was preganant and also when i was struggling to bf and wasnt offended at all, we are fairly close more so since i got pregnant.
     
  20. Mum2b_Claire

    Mum2b_Claire Mummy to Ruby & Scarlett!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2009
    Messages:
    16,946
    Likes Received:
    0
    Kirsten I actually think this is good point. OK so I might feel a bit patronised in that situation but yes, I see what you mean, I wouldn't care about someone else doubting, or suggesting an alternative to, my parenting decisions unless I was unsure of them myself.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice