Very strange question, would this offend you?

Discussion in 'Formula Feeding' started by asacia, Aug 28, 2009.

  1. Tsia

    Tsia My MyloMan - he turned 1!

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    Instead of offering your own BM.. I would stress the importance of the anti bodies in the first few days and encourage her to consider expressing to give her LO the best chance of fighting any infections early on in life.

    But if you were my closest friend, and you offered my baby YOUR breast milk.. I would be offended yes.
    Dont take that the wrong way.. we all get that you are trying to help but thats not the way to go about it I dont think.
     
  2. Jai_Jai

    Jai_Jai Mummy to my Jellies

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    It definitely depends on why she wants to FF - and it seems that you do not know the reason behind it, so perhaps offering your own BM is not the way to go, you would need to find out why if you were to offer your BM....which I think is a nice thing to do if your friend reeeeally wants to have some BM and cant BF and is looking for some BM otherwise I personally would find it odd if my best friend offered me her BM. I would not be offended but a little weirded out as I would not want to give someone elses BM to my LO no mattter how close we were.....the only thing is if I chose to FF just because I want to FF and it is my decision and not because I can't BF then I would find you offering your BM rude and disrespectful of my decision!

    Saying all that hun, we can all clearly see you have their best interests at heart and I dont think anyone here is thinking badly of you at all, and to offer is very very sweet and if she wants it and you can help her and find out and off in a diplomatic way then I think that is fantastic and why the hell not? I hope you manage to sort this out and help her and even provide support in whichever way possible, as you sound like a lovely caring friend :hugs:
     
  3. dali

    dali Well-Known Member

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    like someone said wouldnt proper breats milk be wron for a newborn ? besides there is nothing wrong with formula it too offers everything a baby needs and if your friend has made the decision to ff then you need to respect that hun.
    personally i think i would feel like you thought i had made a decision that was wrong for my baby or something.
    no i would just leave it unless she has expresed that she really wants her baby to have breast milk and she cant give it maybe then you could offer but if she has chosen to ff leave her to it. my son was ff from birth and is perfectly healthy and happy ;)
     
  4. Laura--x

    Laura--x Guest

    I would be very offended tbh..
     
  5. mama2b

    mama2b Mummy & TTC

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    I think I would hit the roof !

    I breastfed from the beginning and I know I would of been annoyed if someone had offered me formula for my baby as I would feel it undermined my decision so I imagine id feel the same if I FF and a friend offered me her breastmilk.

    If she has given you some indication that she wants to breastfeed but doesn't feel she can or whatever reason that is different but I think to just ask her outright would be asking for trouble.

    I know from your point of view you want to help your friend but would she really see it that way ?
     
  6. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    If she physically cannot BF for medical reasons, then I think the offer as a friend would be a nice gesture if you are close enough to one another.

    However if she has chosen to FF I would respect her choice.
     
  7. Panda_Ally

    Panda_Ally Well-Known Member

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    I think the same as whot others have said... if she has choson to FF cos its her choice for her and her baby... however if she has choosen to ff cos she CANT breastfeed i would maybe offer but tread very very carefully....maybe bring it up in a convo about milk sharing u saw on tv or something and but feelers out for her opinion on the matter first.... Its a very thoughtful gesture tho :hugs:
     
  8. amylk87

    amylk87 WTT for No.1

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    I would be quite offended too tbh. I just couldn't imagine feeding my baby someone else's BM, it would be too weird.
     
  9. angela43

    angela43 Well-Known Member

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    If I had chosen to FF for some reason that truly prevented my ability to BF my child (such as a medication, surgery, illness etc), then I would view your offer of BM as one of the most generous gifts that anyone could give. You sound like you are a wonderful friend, with a very giving spirit. :)
     
  10. riskybusiness

    riskybusiness Active Member

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    I breastfed for the first 8 weeks and unfortunately had to turn to formula because I couldn't produce enough milk to satisfy.

    Speaking as a huge breastfeeding fan.... I would still be offended by this if my decision was formula at brith. I would just offer all your support in other ways x
     
  11. Mary Jo

    Mary Jo Mummy to Adam and Joel

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    If I was to use donated breastmilk I'd rather the doner was anonymous. I'd feel extremely uncomfortable being offered a friend's milk, feel annoyed that she'd put me in a situation I didn't want to be in (of having to say no), not to mention I'd probably feel (even though I accept the friend would have had the best of intentions) as though I'd had my nose rubbed in the fact that I'd not been able to bf myself.

    If I'd actively chosen to ff, I'd expect my friend to assume I'd made the decision with my own and my baby's best interests at heart, had probably already had to explain this decision to the medical profession and would therefore rather my friend supported my choices and if she disagreed to keep quiet. I hate justifying myself to people at the best of times and I'd resent my friend for interfering (which is how I'd see it).
     
  12. mari72

    mari72 Well-Known Member

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    I think you have to respect her decision. You could try discussing the benefits of colostrum but certainly don't force the issue. And that would mean not offering your bm. personally i'd feel offended,insulted and a bit patronised if a friend did anything similar to me (i am a bf mum)
     

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