Visitors...

[Sam292]

From the moment we decided on a home birth I knew i didn't want any family friends dropping by during labour, so when we told people our plans we told them that we would let them know when things were happening but they are to stay put. I had to be very firm with my mum on this but she has accepted it as she can see there is no room for negotiation. MIL still comments every now and then about rushing over when she hears i'm in labour but each time we have re explained that wont be happening.

So, the actual labour is sorted. But what about after? OH has read something about not allowing any visitors for 2 weeks after birth to allow bonding time and he really liked the idea of it. I cant see family being very impressed with that. I don't want people turning up the minute i've delivered, but not sure i want to wait two weeks either. So what has everyone decided with regards to visitors or will you just see how you feel at the time? Just curious really!

 

[milosmum]

Oh two weeks peace sounds lovely but I suspect your relatives would all just drop around unannounced if you told them to stay away! At least if you tell them when to come then you can have some control over it. Why don't you just labour and give birth in peace then have a few hours together with the new baby before even telling anyone that bubs has arrived?
Our friends did that with their second baby - the first time they texted everyone when he arrived and they had so many phone calls and visitors they were overwhelmed. this time they only texted family an immediate friends that baby 2 had arrived and let the news spread quietly to everyone else. Then they only let people come to visit the next day and even then it was just immediate family so it was all calm and controlled and peaceful for everyone!
Good luck with your homebirth xxx

 

[winegums]

its up to you hun! i would never do it myself as i love having everyone around me and really appreciate the help and support!

 

[booflebump]

I think a little bit of peace is good, especially if you plan to breastfeed. If you deliver, say at 11pm on Monday, I wouldnt have visitors till at least Wednesday. If you were to deliver in the morning, I would give yourself a full 24 hours and maybe see parents in the afternoon of the next day?

 

[bubbles]

I've told people not to bother us for a few days, we will let them know when we are ready. This is mainly due to the fact that when I had DS, I had MiL and BiL in the delivery room within minutes of delivering the placenta which I was NOT happy about and I'm still not. I had him in the afternoon and at visiting when I was soooo tired after a very long labour and having problems getting him to breastfeed I ended up with 10 people in the cubical, not a nice moment. So this time I have had to say no to any visitors for a few days, the most suprising reaction I got was from FiL who completely understood that I needed time to recover and bond plus DS needs a little while to get used to his sister. He even had words with MiL about going on all the time. I also have very strict instructions that I am to have NO VISITORS should I need to go to hospital (in laws all work there and have access to most wards)

 

[JenStar1976]

We decided not to tell anyone when I went into labour as we had no idea how long it would go on for so didn't want the phone ringing all the time at home (also, if we didn't answer it, people would have worried that something was wrong). Alex was born at 10.14pm and OH started ringing immediate relatives at about 10.45pm. Our first visitors came round the next day, around 2pm-ish. To be honest, it wasn't too bad. We made sure that we didn't have more than 2 or 3 people round at a time, and no more than 2 visits a day and we limited their time with us to an hour on first visits (they were all really understanding that I was exhausted and that we needed our time too). It was just enough time for a cup of tea, telling them about the birth and plenty of cuddles from everyone (with the baby, that is!!) I had stitches and was so swollen that I couldn't sit down properly and walking up and down the stairs was horrendous. After each visit, I would go back upstairs and try to sleep. All our visitors were great - we had no problems at all. x

 

[ika]

This is one of my homebirth hangups but have told OH that he is to be as rude as he likes to anyone that doesn't abide by the rules!!! In hospital the visiting hours are very strict so why shouldn't you be able to pose the same sort of thing at home? I've said 'no visitors until I'm ready!' which I think will be 12-24hrs after delivery.

Yikes - how much of a miserable mare do I sound?! Its just something I feel really strongly about. In order for all my hypnobirthing techniques to work I need to be relaxed and I really wouldn't be if I was on edge about people calling in.

 

[milkmachine]

yeah im with the no visitors till your ready crowd

 

[lozzy21]

Im going to have a phone first policy, for every one except our mothers. They can come and play servants while were bonding.

If people come and they havent phoned and im in bed, though titties!

 

[Sam292]

Bubbles - that sounds like my nightmare - how did you not shout at them all to get out? I think i would have gone mad!

I think we will have to decide at the time whether or not to let people know its started as I don't want people calling halfway through for their update as you mentioned jenstar1976!

I can just imagine i'm going to be really possessive at first at after carrying him for 9 months, i don't want to hand him over to a load of different people and i know people only come for the baby cuddles! I remember when i was about 16 my friend had a baby and we all piled round to hers just a few hours after she had had him. She didn't let any of us hold him and at the time I couldn't understand why and thought she was being really selfish. Now of course i can totally see that she needed to bond with him but maybe she should have asked us to wait a week or so to visit so we could have had a cuddle with the new baby without her feeling resentful of it. I think people would rather wait and get to hold the baby than come immediatly and feel annoyed that they are rushed out the door, etc. Guess you just cant plan for these situations - I will just do what ever feels right at the time!

 

[bubbles]

Bubbles - that sounds like my nightmare - how did you not shout at them all to get out? I think i would have gone mad!

I think we will have to decide at the time whether or not to let people know its started as I don't want people calling halfway through for their update as you mentioned jenstar1976!

I can just imagine i'm going to be really possessive at first at after carrying him for 9 months, i don't want to hand him over to a load of different people and i know people only come for the baby cuddles! I remember when i was about 16 my friend had a baby and we all piled round to hers just a few hours after she had had him. She didn't let any of us hold him and at the time I couldn't understand why and thought she was being really selfish. Now of course i can totally see that she needed to bond with him but maybe she should have asked us to wait a week or so to visit so we could have had a cuddle with the new baby without her feeling resentful of it. I think people would rather wait and get to hold the baby than come immediatly and feel annoyed that they are rushed out the door, etc. Guess you just cant plan for these situations - I will just do what ever feels right at the time!

TBH after 56hrs of labour, no sleep and being sick as a dog from the antibiotics (I got an infection from DS releasing meconium in me) I really didn't have the energy to shout, I just sat and sobbed holding my baby while DH ushered everyone out. I really don't want that again