Waiting for #1 to grow before planting #2

[KylasBaby]

Anyone else waiting for their first to reach a certain age before TTCing #2?

We are planning on trying next spring just before DD turns 2 in July. I want a March baby hence trying next spring.

I really want another one now and then I also don't. DD is still really clingy and whiny and not the best sleeper. She goes through phases where she sleeps great and phases where she doesn't. Currently she's sleeping 9ish hours straight at night. Working on adjusting her bedtime now with the time change and everything to get her 10+ hours, but she's resistant . I shouldn't complain. At the moment she does sleep through the night. It's just that 5am wake ups KILL me!

I'd love for them to be close in age. I get a headache thinking that just when DD is more predictable with sleep and naps and needs less of my 100% constant, undivided attention we will be starting all over again. But then again that could just be her personality and if I wait for that to fade I could be waiting forever.

Oh the other hand, 2.5 years isn't so big of a gap. I definitely want to be able to spend as much time with just her as I can. And I don't want to be sick and miserable because I'm pregnant and miss her being a baby.

I can see both sides, but am trying hard to stick with our next spring date. It would be May/Juneish I think. But then the back of my mind I know I could have a March baby next year if we TTC this spring haha. I go back and forth. Especially when she's sleeping well and being a little more independent I think I could do it earlier. But then a few days later she will go back to her old self and put me back in my place

I also know financially it would be better to wait a bit. Babies are expensive!

Anyone else in a similar boat?

 

[crazycatlady5]

Yep! Waiting until next year. Lo is just 4.5 months, so we're waiting until he's over a year before trying again.

I just want to enjoy this time with him, and enjoy the summer not being pregnant. But sometimes I look at him and think he's already so big and what happened to my newborn baby! It really does go so so fast!

 

[vickyandchick]

We're waiting a year/year and a half so DS will be 3.5/4 when the new baby comes along.
He's always been high needs and is a terrible sleeper so I definitely can't handle 2 right now.

 

[KylasBaby]

Mine is high needs too! So terribly exhausting. Sometimes I think she's getting better, but then she goes back to her old self. I definitely want to enjoy her once she gets over this and not be pregnant during the summer. No way I could deal with her and being miserable and pregnant. I as pretty useless the first 20 weeks I was pregnant, so she definitely has to be more independent before that.

 

[annio84]

I'm coming to the end of my wait - my DD will be 3 in July and we'll start trying around then. Basically we couldn't afford nursery for 2 so have to wait until DD is nearly starting school. Plus it has the added benefit I hope to be on mat leave when she starts school.

 

[boobee]

Yes! Our daughter is currently 2 and in childcare and we financially cannot afford to have 2 in childcare at the same time. Our plan is to TTC when she is 2.5/3 and by the time second baby comes along she should be in nursery half days and my mum is hoping to retire by then. It would also mean that i'd be on maternity when DD was at nursery so I wouldn't have to worry about drop off and pick ups. I have 2 step children as well who stay on weekends with us so another baby would also mean someone would have to share a room, and also a bigger car so a second baby would mean a lot of changes for us! We're also going on a family holiday this summer and definitely don't want to be pregnant before that!

I'm excited about the prospect of trying and having another baby, but at other times I 100% enjoy only having my daughter and being able to give her my full attention. Parts of me want to put off a second child because I don't want to take that away from her (my stepchildren are 10/12) but I think I will always have that guilt regardless of how old she is!

 

[loeylo]

Yep! Waiting until next year. Lo is just 4.5 months, so we're waiting until he's over a year before trying again.

I just want to enjoy this time with him, and enjoy the summer not being pregnant. But sometimes I look at him and think he's already so big and what happened to my newborn baby! It really does go so so fast!

I'm similar to this. My wee one is 5.5 months, I'm planning on ttc when she turns 1 so hoping for around a two year age gap.

My wee one slept through the night from about 4 weeks, she is just such a joy to be around but definitely growing up too fast.

Also, I don't particularly love the tiny baby stage. She is so much more fun now that she can interact properly. Although I did have a bit of pnd so that may be why.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Also been waiting for my boy to be a bit older. I couldn't handle such a close gap!

 

[KylasBaby]

I go back and forth on whether I even want another. If DD hadn't been so COMPLETELY MISERABLE the first 6 months of her life it would be a different story. But she has mspi and severe reflux that made her miserable. We didn't realize until she was 3 ish months that the milk I was pumping was making her miserable. Spent a month or so trying different prescription formulas and reflux medications that all made her worse. Finally we stopped the meds and put her on a goat milk based formula I make which made her SOOOO much better! Around 6ish months too she decided she could sleep longer than half an hour at a time. However, she was diagnosed with RSV a few weeks ago and was really sick and even though she's better now I can't put her down again. Not sure I can do this all again to be honest. I went into a bad depression. High needs babies are no joke!

But breastfeeding didn't work with dd and I'm still heartbroken about it. I'd love another chance to make it work! Dd has a nasty upper lip tie oh didn't want to get clipped so we didn't and I had to stop breastfeeding. Still upset she didn't push me to continue and that we didn't get it clipped. But I was hopped up on post partum hormones and I didn't know much. I know so much more now.

But, if she gets over herself at some point we will try next spring so assuming I conceive first shot like I did with my loss and dd they would be about 20 month sigh apart. That's if we try next spring for a March 2018 baby. I'd also love an October baby! My loss was due in October and I absolutely love that much! So that would mean we start trying this coming Januaryish for an October 2017 due date. Then they would be just over 2 years apart. If I didn't get pregnant that cycle for a due date in October I wouldn't try again till the spring as I don't want to have a baby over thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years and all that. Too much with the holidays and whatnot.

I work in my others daycare so bring dd with me when I go 2 days a week (I work 3 days a week, she stays home with me the other days and one day with OH while I work). Bringing a second I would want to pay my mother something as we would be taking up 2 spaces she could be paid for. We also don't have an infant spot for a long while.

Is anyone else weird like me and wants to have a baby in certain months? Lol. I would only want a baby in February, March, June or October. No real reason really. No April as that's my birthday, no big holiday months. Other mo this I just plain don't like. No reason at all ... Dd was due in August and I'm so glad I ended up being induced early and she was born July 30

 

[krissie328]

I can completely relate to a lot of what you have wrote!! I thought we would start trying sooner, but now that ds is 21 months I am so glad we waited. We plan to start trying again in May when he is almost 23 months. We are looking for just over a 2.5 year age gap. But part of me wants to wait until he is older and get more like a 3-3.5 year age gap.

Currently, he is a miserable sleeper. He is up at least twice a night and more like three times. He isn't very needy and loves to do things on his own. But he doesn't talk yet and that is causing some frustration on both our parts. He is having surgery to remove adenoids and get tubes the end of April so I am hoping he starts talking after that.

But then part of me is fearful of the unknown. I have learned to cope with DS and I fear adding another baby (one that might be even more difficult) is going to take me over the edge.

I want to have a baby in February or June. DS is a July bday and we can do so much stuff because I am off for the summer. I think a June bday could be a lot of fun as well. February just because I could take mat leave from work for 5 months. (Yea I know that is sooo selfish!!) I guess June would also be 4.5-5 months off as well. But once we start trying again in May I don't plan to stop, we will just go until I get pregnant. The only months I want to avoid are December/January and we will have 10 months of trying before those roll back around so I am certain I will be pregnant before then. (Will be doing clomid in September if I am not pregnant by then).

 

[KylasBaby]

I can completely relate to a lot of what you have wrote!! I thought we would start trying sooner, but now that ds is 21 months I am so glad we waited. We plan to start trying again in May when he is almost 23 months. We are looking for just over a 2.5 year age gap. But part of me wants to wait until he is older and get more like a 3-3.5 year age gap.

Currently, he is a miserable sleeper. He is up at least twice a night and more like three times. He isn't very needy and loves to do things on his own. But he doesn't talk yet and that is causing some frustration on both our parts. He is having surgery to remove adenoids and get tubes the end of April so I am hoping he starts talking after that.

But then part of me is fearful of the unknown. I have learned to cope with DS and I fear adding another baby (one that might be even more difficult) is going to take me over the edge.

I want to have a baby in February or June. DS is a July bday and we can do so much stuff because I am off for the summer. I think a June bday could be a lot of fun as well. February just because I could take mat leave from work for 5 months. (Yea I know that is sooo selfish!!) I guess June would also be 4.5-5 months off as well. But once we start trying again in May I don't plan to stop, we will just go until I get pregnant. The only months I want to avoid are December/January and we will have 10 months of trying before those roll back around so I am certain I will be pregnant before then. (Will be doing clomid in September if I am not pregnant by then).

I hope his surgery goes well!

I go back and forth on having a second at all and about the gap. I was thinking after I posted this that maybe 3 years would be better than 2. I can see good and bad sides to each.

I worry too about one being more difficult. I'm exhausted 24/7 because she just is so high needs and it's mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. I definitely NEED her to be MUCH more independent before we try so of course when the time comes how she is then will determine if we actually start trying or not. Our donor has said he's available for siblings anytime even if he isn't currently donating anymore. But OH is 34 and doesn't want to be still having kids when she's much older, so even though I'm 26 we have a bit of a clock going. Especially since I originally wanted 3.

 

[krissie328]

Yea, my dh is worried about his age. He's only 31 but we got started later than planned as we had fertility issues. Which makes him worry about getting pregnant a second time taking a long time. But I got pregnant in February on our first round of clomid again so I'm not terribly worried anymore.

 

[KylasBaby]

That's great! I have PCOS, but used femara first cycle with my loss then wanted something more natural so used Vitex for my second pregnancy. So hoping it's easy again a third time.

 

[Penguin20]

I can relate to this, my daughter is 6 months now and me and my partner have discussed we would start trying when she is 2 but after realising how exhausting looking after 1 is, it makes me worry about doing it all over again but then again I have days where I think I can do it as she is sleeping through most nights but Then she would suddenly have bad nights and it makes me think I couldn't have 2 babies not sleeping I'll be exhausted (selfish I know) but I do have pcos and been told that the later I leave it the more harder it get and it did take me 14 months to conceive my first so it's a good chance even if I do start trying late next year I might not conceive for a long time but then I might be lucky and conceive first try you just never know.

I defiantly would love a 2nd baby as I love my 1st so much I would love to do it again and give her a brother or sister and if financial things go well I think we will start trying late next year as I would like baby earlier in the year as got so many family and friends plus Christmas at the end of the year lol but I do have that little worry that I won't cope but know I have a lot of support

 

[KylasBaby]

I can relate to this, my daughter is 6 months now and me and my partner have discussed we would start trying when she is 2 but after realising how exhausting looking after 1 is, it makes me worry about doing it all over again but then again I have days where I think I can do it as she is sleeping through most nights but Then she would suddenly have bad nights and it makes me think I couldn't have 2 babies not sleeping I'll be exhausted (selfish I know) but I do have pcos and been told that the later I leave it the more harder it get and it did take me 14 months to conceive my first so it's a good chance even if I do start trying late next year I might not conceive for a long time but then I might be lucky and conceive first try you just never know.

I defiantly would love a 2nd baby as I love my 1st so much I would love to do it again and give her a brother or sister and if financial things go well I think we will start trying late next year as I would like baby earlier in the year as got so many family and friends plus Christmas at the end of the year lol but I do have that little worry that I won't cope but know I have a lot of support

I definitely don't think that's selfish! Just because we become moms doesn't mean we stop being the people we were before. And we need sleep! It's not selfish to want that. That's another reason I want them relatively close. Because I'd hate to wait until dd is older and she sleeps well and is on a predictable schedule and doesn't need as much and then have to start all over. I think it would be easier in a way to have them closer so you haven't gotten completely out of all the needy babyness just to get back into it.

I actually read something a couple of years ago saying it's easier for women with PCOS to conceive later in life. Something about the hormones calming down or lessening or something like that. I'm already sorting my cycles out so I'll be prepared come January. I used Vitex last time so am hoping to use that again.

 

[krissie328]

I have also heard it is easier to get pregnant later with pcos. I must say since having ds I have ovulated on my own a few times. Which before him I'm pretty sure I never ovulated. We still plan to use clomid next time, but it's nice to know my body is trying to do what it's suppose to.

I can really relate to the sleep thing. My ds has been a terrible sleeper from the start. It's only been recently he's been getting better. I don't look forward to reliving all the sleep deparvation. But I do look forward to ds having a playmate and another baby to snuggle.

 

[KylasBaby]

Terrible sleeper here too. It was only after she turned 6 months she started sleeping longer than half an hour at a time! She still does occasionally though. Lately at night she's been waking at 3/4 am for upwards of 30-40 minutes just talking and babbling away. Then falls back to sleep until 5:15/5:30. I've always said she's trying to make sure she's an only child.

 

[Penguin20]

I can relate to this, my daughter is 6 months now and me and my partner have discussed we would start trying when she is 2 but after realising how exhausting looking after 1 is, it makes me worry about doing it all over again but then again I have days where I think I can do it as she is sleeping through most nights but Then she would suddenly have bad nights and it makes me think I couldn't have 2 babies not sleeping I'll be exhausted (selfish I know) but I do have pcos and been told that the later I leave it the more harder it get and it did take me 14 months to conceive my first so it's a good chance even if I do start trying late next year I might not conceive for a long time but then I might be lucky and conceive first try you just never know.

I defiantly would love a 2nd baby as I love my 1st so much I would love to do it again and give her a brother or sister and if financial things go well I think we will start trying late next year as I would like baby earlier in the year as got so many family and friends plus Christmas at the end of the year lol but I do have that little worry that I won't cope but know I have a lot of support

I definitely don't think that's selfish! Just because we become moms doesn't mean we stop being the people we were before. And we need sleep! It's not selfish to want that. That's another reason I want them relatively close. Because I'd hate to wait until dd is older and she sleeps well and is on a predictable schedule and doesn't need as much and then have to start all over. I think it would be easier in a way to have them closer so you haven't gotten completely out of all the needy babyness just to get back into it.

I actually read something a couple of years ago saying it's easier for women with PCOS to conceive later in life. Something about the hormones calming down or lessening or something like that. I'm already sorting my cycles out so I'll be prepared come January. I used Vitex last time so am hoping to use that again.

Yh it's amazing how much slep becomes important to us mums lol, I agree with the fact that I would like them close so in not used to sleeping through the night and changing nappies etc to then be thrown back into it plus I want them close in age but not to close

And with my pcos I thought it would be fine later in life but when having scans with my 1st and my check up appointment after having my daughter I was told that the later I do leave it it will become more harder for me as I will ovulate less so it won't be impossible and could happen when I'm 30 but it be much harder

 

[KylasBaby]

I'm back on vitex to manage my cycles. I went on bcp after I stopped pumping and turned into a raving lunatic! I was so so so angry and depressed. So I got rid of that. I used vitex to conceive DD. I stopped the pills and had a breakthrough bleed. Then started the vitex and AF came 30 days after. But now it's CD33 and nothing. I did switch to a different brand of vitex halfway through this cycle as I ran out but the same dose. I upped it a bit to see if that helps. If not I don't know if I should go back to my original brand or come off it and see what happens. I don't remember how long between stopping pumping and starting bcp I gave it. So I can't tell if I have my body a shot to do it on its own. But I was diagnosed at 13 with PCOS and rarely had periods so I think I should probably go back on the original brand.

 

[MintChocChip]

Me! My dd will be 4 when we plan on ttc no2 but I can't imagine it any other way. For us as a family I hope that this timing will be just right - dd will understood more, be at school for part of the day hopefully when new baby arrives and I feel my husband and I have really got to enjoy the baby and toddler years with dd without adding a 2nd little one into the mix.
I couldn't cope with a little one at the minute -credit to all those that do!