Waiting to miscarry

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Boudica, Oct 8, 2008.

  1. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    Best of luck for today... Hope everything goes well... let us know.... Xxx
     
  2. buffycat

    buffycat mummy to Enid & Anna...

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    hope today goes ok ........:hugs:
     
  3. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    Hope it went ok x
     
  4. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    I hope you are okay!
     
  5. tillymum

    tillymum New mom

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    Hope you are doing ok, I know how devastating it is to go in for your scan only to get bad news. I too had a D&C. Do what you feel most comfortable with there is no right and wrong way to m/c. Thinking of you :hug:
     
  6. Angeldust

    Angeldust Guest

    Hi hun
    Some doctors can be very heartless do you know the day i was told that my baby had no heart beat she said thesa exact words as follows ....... oh and started laughing i think then laughed again and said one minute i am new to thesa machines went out brought a lady in and she took a look and the lady said to the other lady she went out for,

    Is that right cause i did not know which button was which and they both started laughing then she said yes sorry but your babys died then they started talking to eachother and she was laughing saying i need to learn to use thesa ,

    My Dh was fuming i was so upset i could of killed her but if i would of said excuse me i have been told my babys dead can you have show some respect i would not of been responsible for my actions if she would of laughed again it was like she was on laughing gas and she was round about late 40's should have more sence, my sisters was saying i was stupid for not reporting the Bitch,

    This was in the emergancy room so i guess there use to seeing this every day but us ladys arnt use to being told this every day hence my many losses but it still hurts being told i have lost another one,
    they should show some remorce,

    They are heartless and they should of give you the option of having a dnc
    i know that they try to avoid giving dnc's because they can cause damage to your womb lining but this is only if you have had more than one and i have had 7
    fingers crossed not damaged my womb lining yet, touch wood,

    I think they will give you a dnc now as its not coming away and it wont it could be there for a long time weird but true its so not right to have you walking round like this
    its really really unfair make sure you demand to have one if they still wont then see your gp she/he can have one of thesa sorted out for you,

    :hugs:
     
  7. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    how are you today boudica??? :hugs:
     
  8. maccy

    maccy Mum of 2 Gorgeous Girls

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    Just wanted to say I had this sac was empty and after 3 scans still no growth, just empty sac. I'll never forget that ultrasound pic. I chose to m/c naturally and wait it out. I m/c at 13 weeks at home, it was tough (my story is on this board somewhere) I then returned to the hospital week later as I had retained the products and they had to remove them as I couldn't stop bleeding. Having said all that and what a terrible time I went through I'm glad I did things naturally but the wait was hard.

    I hope your doing ok, I to read and read bout blighted ovums over and over it's just an awful thing to go through I felt cheated and didn't know how to grieve. I wanted to grieve for my baby but it wasn't even there so felt silly ...it's so unfair hun. If you ever wanna chat just pm me. xxx
     
  9. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    thanks you all for your messages :hugs:

    Well, I went to the hospital yesterday all guns blazing. I was determined to make them listen to me! I went to pathology first and had my second blood test done.

    Then I plonked my bum in EPAU until someone saw me. A very nice midwife called Heather talked to me and told me they would call me when they had the results. I told her I wasn't happy with the options I had discussed before and that I wanted a proper chat. She agreed to see me when the blood test results came in so I waited.

    She called me in after about 40 mins and gave me the results of the hcg blood tests. She said that the one I took on Tuesday said my levels were over 10,000 - and that the one I took that morning said the same. So she suggested we wait until the scan next Friday before deciding what to do. I got the message that they simply didn't believe me.

    I took a very deep breath:loopy:. And pointed out that to get those rather predictable results I could have peed on a stick. Wasn't the point of the tests to see whether my levels had dropped? All they did was say I was over 10,000. This seemed to be a pretty fundamental point! I further pointed out that IF I was 5 weeks pregnant my hcg level would be increasing dramatically in the space of 48 hours.

    The midwife agreed and rang the path lab to get exact readings. We had a chat and I explained that I didn't want to mc naturally as I did not want to "give birth" and have a long protracted unplasant experience. I also said that as my body was clinging onto the "sac" for 7 weeks after the pregnancy stopped developing I felt anxious that the whole thing might not pass and I would end up needing a D&C anyway (now called ERPC apparently).

    I went out for half an hour to wait for the results (and rant at my OH on the phone).

    Then I went back to find that the levels had gone from 61,000 on Tuesday to 54,000 yesterday.

    It felt strange. I had gone there to prove that I was right, but just felt as though someone had punched a hole into my chest and ripped out my heart when I found out that it was true. It really was all over and I wasn't a medical miracle.

    They booked me in for a ERPC on Monday. I signed the consents and had yet more blood taken.

    So, here I am. 12 weeks pregnant today, but not pregnant at all.

    I had my first drink for 3 months yesterday evening (I couldn't bring myself to do it before) and I'm hungover!

    You ladies on this site have been amazing, and I am positive that I would be feeling a gazillion times worse had I not found you.

    I will keep you updated. I plan to pop by this site regularly - maybe I can help others the way you have helped and comforted me.

    xx
     
  10. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    Thanks maccy:hugs:

    I agree about the reading thing. Its like I can't get enough information on the subject.

    Someone said that they were told a baby could have started to grow and was reabsorped into her body. I like to think that may have happened to me.

    Sorry to hear about your experience.
     
  11. maccy

    maccy Mum of 2 Gorgeous Girls

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    Thats a nice way to think of it hun. x I'm glad you got what you wanted, it's sad but sometimes you just gotta push to get what u want. I hope everything goes ok on Mon and you can find some peace after this is over. hugs. xxx
     
  12. chrissie33

    chrissie33 Mummy to two monkeys

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    I just caught up on your story and wanted to tell you how sorry I am and can totally relate. When I lost my 1st, I was 13weeks measuring 6 - 8 and they told me I had 3 options, wait it out to happen naturally, have tablets or d&c. I opted for natural and went back 2 weeks later to be told no change, same three options, opted to wait it out again convinced that it would happen on its own, went back 2 weeks later and still no change!! so thats 4 weeks since finding out my baby was no more. Had the tablets a week later and whilst a painful experience, definitly the right choice. My 2nd mc was complete at 6 weeks but my last one was blighted ovum. after 3 scans a week apart each, I decided to go for the tablets again as I could not torment myself playing the waiting game again - again the right decision for me - luckily no complications and just had 1st AF just under 4 weeks after procedure. No one can tell you the best thing to do anyway hun, but I made the right choices for myself as I could not have tormented myself with wait and see again this time, especially when there was no yolk sac at 7+weeks....
    I was told by the lovely staff at the EPAU that I WAS pregnant, regardless of whether sac developed into a fetus and I was not crazy for being upset over my loss - I was feeling like a fraud at the time as there was no actual baby to be crying over - but they made me realise that the egg was fertilized, hormones in the body telling my body I was pregnant and I did suffer the loss of a pregnancy and so it was completely natural to feel that heartbreaking sense of loss. My advice now girls is to allow yourself to grieve, no matter which stage you have your mc as it is still the loss of a precious new life and you have every reason to feel that sense of loss.

    I hope your erpc goes as well as can be expected hun, if you ever need to talk, im here x
     
  13. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    chrissie - I totally understand about the feeling like a fraud thing.

    I'm very sorry you have had 3 mcs. There are so many heartbreaking stories on this site.

    I just got back home to find my maternity certificate had arrived in the post! If there was a maniacally laughing smilie that would just about sum it up.
     
  14. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    ](*,)

    Couldn't find one, but that one pretty much sums it up too :)
     
  15. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    Sorry for your experience..ive had a pretty horiffic experience too. there needs to be more help and counseling for miscarriage. Doctors tend to be uninformed or simply unsympatetic - neither of which we need when going through a time like this. I'm shocked about the way myself and others have been treated...im glad you stood up for yourself and got what you wanted!! :hugs::hissy:
     
  16. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    we've just crossed posts moo.

    Perhaps I am fortunate that my age and profession made them listen to me. The midwives were all fantastic but I agree about the doctors, its like they are too clever to show sympathy.

    My second visit was totally different - fuelled by information from sites such as this. Its easy to feel small or useless in the face of the medical profession. Don't be.

    hugs to you x
     
  17. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    Hi Boudica

    Sorry your levels had dropped.

    My consultant told me that some of the cells of the baby will have got reabsorbed into my body. I too have taken great solice in that fact - like the baby is truly part of me forever. And in a way, so is my husband (as the babe was obviously 50% him).

    I had a mixture of communication skills from the doctors I saw - with most really empathetic and patient-focused, but one truly dreadful.

    Knowing how many women on here suffer mc also make me realise that they must see ladies mc numerous times per day and therefore may become slightly 'immune' to it. I am not suggesting this is an excuse for them, but think some perhaps forget that something 'run of the mill' for them is something life-changing for thier patient.

    xx
     
  18. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    Just a quick update to say I am home from my EPRC. I went in at 7am and didn't have the op until 3pm as I was on some ghastly emergency list.

    As I was wheeled down to the operating area I seemed to pass about 3 billion pregnant women!

    Anyhow, I cried as I went in to theatre and straight away after I woke up.

    I never got to see the surgeon or a doctor, so I couldn't ask all the things I wanted to about what they found and what they removed etc - and to be honest I was too exhausted and emotional to start making any demands.

    The nursing staff were fantastic, and very sympathetic. I can't say enough good things about them.

    My partner sat with me from 7am until I went to theatre. Now he has popped out for fish and chips.

    I guess i'm very lucky reallyO:)

    xx
     
  19. juliespencer9

    juliespencer9 Well-Known Member

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    boudica.
    sorry to hear whats happened to you.
    reading this post i am pretty sure that this is what i had in aug, i was 6 wks and had early scan and saw empty sac, then when i got home that evening i had m/c naturally.
    im preg again now and fear the sames happened il find out wed when i have early scan.

    all i can say is time is the only healer, the more passes the better you prob will feel.
    x
     
  20. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    TBH Boudica, during the ERPC they don't 'see' too much of what comes out and they might not be able to tell you anymore than you know already.

    However, the gynae consultants where I live actually cc their entire operation note to the GP, so if you have any questions often the GP will know the answer once they get your letter from the hospital. (I don't think all letters are as detailed though and it will depend on your consultant).

    Glad it all went as well as it could have.
    hugs x
     

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