Waiting to miscarry

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Boudica, Oct 8, 2008.

  1. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    Hello everyone. I found this site today as I was researching my condition, and just need to let it out somewhere.

    I'm 41 and have no children. I met a great man a year ago and we decided to have a baby recently. I got pregnant pretty quickly, had a positive test on 15th August, felt sick, sore boobs, twinges, all the (apparent) usual stuff.

    I went for my 11 week scan today. I bounced in saying I wanted pictures, and was told that all they could see was a sac and a possible yolk. They dated it at 5 weeks. They asked if I could be confused about my dates (I can't) and said that as people do get confused, they would have to re-scan me in 10 days time. They said that if it was bad news (they think it is bad news but can't say for sure) they would want me to wait for the pregnancy to end naturally.

    I know I am not confused about my dates. Having looked at quite alot of stuff for the last 7 hours, I guess I must have a blighted ovum. I feel absolutely bereft. It feels like the last six weeks have been a fiction. I've been feeling pregnant and planning as though I was pregnant. But I'm not really pregnant. God knows I've tried to cling onto the false hope.

    Now, it seems I will have to carry on feeling this way until I either miscarry naturally or undergo some sort of procedure. Some of the things I have read make me think that waiting to miscarry naturally often leads to all sorts of problems. Long term ones at that. Also, the tablets seem to be a bad choice.

    Does anyone have any advice as to how to deal with this?
     
  2. maddiwatts19

    maddiwatts19 Guest

    aww hun, i'm so sorry your having to go through this! :hugs:
    no one can tell you how to cope.
    we all cope in our own ways, our own grieving processes...
    but believe me, the girls on this site are FANTASTIC..
    i've been through 2 miscarriages, and i'm so glad i had them around me.
    we're all gunna be here for you hunni...through everything that your gunna go through, all the emotions and feelings.
    although we cant tell you what to feel or expect as everyone is different, please remember your not alone.
    lots of love and hugs
    xxx
     
  3. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    thank you maddi x

    Its soothing to be able to talk about it. I'd not told any of my friends or family. I was planning to go down to my parents today and wave the scan pictures at them with the good news.

    I had to cancel my tri-nuchal scan for tomorrow as well. Tough times ahead I feel
     
  4. maddiwatts19

    maddiwatts19 Guest

    no worries hun!!
    if i can help in anyway, i'd love to!!
    you might be glad you hadnt told people!!
    i lost my first baby at 5 weeks, and then my second at 12, and we'd told loads of people because i was so sick!! and then hearing everyone asking how the baby was absolutely killed!!
    yes there are tough times ahead hun, i wont lie about that...but, although it might not feel like it right now, it will get easier, in time..you need to allow yourself time to grieve properly hun!!
    please dont ever feel like your alone, thats the worst. we're all here for you
    :hugs:
    xox
     
  5. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    Hey hun. I am SO sorry about your loss. I had a blighted ovum as well. I was nine weeks but the baby only showed up as six. I also was 100% sure of the dating. I actually began bleeding though and that is what made me go in to get an ultrasound. I opted to get a D&C the very next day to get it over with and to avoid sitting around waiting for it to happen on it's own. It was simple and they put me to sleep so I don't remember a thing. This could be a route you may consider. That was my first pregnancy as well. PM me if you want to talk about anything at all. Again, I am sorry. :hugs:
     
  6. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    Just needed to stop by and give you a :hugs:. This forum was a godsent to me when I went through my miscarriage in May. When you find that none of your friends/family understand what is happening to you, these women really do. Lots of people expect that you just dust yourself off and try again. This is not always the case. If what you are experiencing is a miscarriage, you will be going through all types of emotions for the weeks/months ahead. The loss of a pregnancy leaves you feeling terribly empty inside. You are going to need all the support that you can find.

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this hun. I really hope that you have your dates mixed. But, you obviously know when you got your positive pregnancy test and when you conceived. So sorry hun :hug: Take care. Feel free to pm me if you want.
     
  7. charliesmom

    charliesmom Dad, daughter, 2 chis

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    I took the tablet for my first M/C at 10 weeks. Painful 10 hours, but I had no complications. Then my second M/C at 5 weeks, I let it go naturally. It happened 2 weeks after I initially started to see blood (began with spotting). Have they checked your levels? To see if your body is increasing or decreasing in hormones? Have you started spotting?

    6 weeks is a long time for the pregnancy to be inside your body... if your dates aren't wrong you may want to consider the tablet.
     
  8. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.

    Charliesmom - they are checking my hormone levels. I had a blood test yesterday after the scan, and I'm having another one tomorrow. If the hormone levels are low enough, I think I will try and get them to give me a D&C. I have read such horror stories about complications with the tablet and letting it go naturally that I think I would feel happier having the procedure.

    6 weeks seems like such a long time to me too. I've had no spotting or discharge of any kind. I'm scared that it could take ages. I'm also terribly concerned about my age and the repercussions if I had to wait for months before even trying again.

    Seeing the empty sac on the scan was just awful.

    Thank you again
     
  9. laceynadam

    laceynadam first trimester

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    It is a horrible thing to go through babe i am really sorry.I went through it with my first pregnancy ,i thought i was 10 weeks and when i went for my scan i had to have an internal scan which told me that i had lost my baby at 6 weeks it is a hard thing to go through i had a dnc the next day after going home and waking up in a pool of blood you have to make your own decisions but the dnc is the best option in my opinion all my love to you at this hard time take care
     
  10. Cariad_bach

    Cariad_bach mum to 2 boys and 2 girls

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    Aww hun im sorry, i have know advice or anything to offer...i just wanted to send hugs xxx
     
  11. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    Aww Boudica I am so sorry to hear your news.

    I too had a missed miscarriage (ie they picked it up on scan but I had no symptoms of mc). I had a scan at 12weeks and baby had died at 10. I will always remember that moment (that totally gutting feeling) when I saw things werent right on the scan.

    I waited a bit but nothing happened and I still 'felt pregnant' so then had the tablet (which I would personally do again) but I did have retained products requiring a d+c 6 weeks later.

    To be honest, once you know you've got to choose a treatment option, I think everyone 'just knows' what they would rather have. i just knew I needed time to deal with it all first and couldn't do anything for a week or two. I think I needed to 'let go' emotionally. Then once I was ready I knew I wanted tablets and it sounds like you are swaying towards surgery. They all have risks and benefits, so it's really down to personal preference. You'll hear women recommending one method and others saying the opposite....so its whatever feels right for you.

    I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant either, but I had to tell one or two close friends after the miscarriage as I needed their support and you may wish to do the same.

    My thoughts are with you x
     
  12. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about your mc Loo x

    I have now told a close friend. Bizarrely, I chose the least sympathetic friend I have!

    Having retained products after 6 weeks sounds just awful. I have been sitting at home all day reading up on blighted ovums on the internet (not working, I really can't get in the mood) just praying that I start bleeding. I keep thinking I might be having twinges, but I reckon its all in my mind.
     
  13. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    thinking of you xx :cry::cry::hugs:
     
  14. SJK

    SJK Well-Known Member

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    so sorry that you are going through this xx
     
  15. Omi

    Omi A Mummy At Last!

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    Hi Hun,

    your story sounds so familiar. I too had a missed mc and i too bounced into the office with exitment and happiness- needless to say i left in tears and i shock. I went in at 10 weeks and was told the embroy died 2 weeks earlier. I was asked the same questions as you- but i KNEW! I was booked into a another scan the week after. This was a friday. At tuesday i called the EPAU and asked for a d&c.

    I had a friend who had mc a month before and she decided to go for the medical managament and she said she regretted and wished she'd gone for a d&c herself. I started to mc on my own the night before my d&c and i can honestly say it was the best choice for me and the best thing i did. I believe it helped greatly with me recovery from the mc and i was available to ttc less than a week after.

    Having said that, its all very individual and you have to do whats best for you, go with what your heart tells you, hun.

    I had great care at the hospital and feel that for me, the d&c was the best part of the whole mc experience.

    So sorry for what you've gone through but i want to tell you you will get over this! Oh, and by the way, im 38 and this was my first pg, too.

    :hug:, Omi xxx
     
  16. Angeldust

    Angeldust Guest

    Hi Hun
    I have had many missed miscarraiges sadley enough i hate to say it i am well experianced with thesa things and know the heart ache it brings you
    I have also had a blighted ovum just a yolk sac and no fetal pole i had one of thesa many years ago and when you have one of thesa your hcg still rises and the yolk sac still grows.

    But theres nothing in side there, and you still feel pregnant nausa and look pregnant and still need to wee lots just as if there was a baby in there

    I chose to have the tablet with a blighted ovum but i have had a dnc a few times and i would prefare a dnc than the tablet

    The reason being for this is the pain you put your self through
    the pain is horrible really bad period pains really really bad and having being told bad news about your pregnancy the least you want to do is be in a hospital bed crying with pain and crying about your loss its just like rubbing it in your face its trauma :cry:

    If you have a dnc you cut out all the pains and you are properly cleaned out so no left overs that can cause infection etc and when you wake up your on a period but theres no pain as there would be with the tablet,

    Every one is to there own :) but i would recommend a dnc it takes 30 min and your home 3hrs later i was given the tablet and had to stay over as still never passed the sac and i signed my self out the next day as i hated the pain of waiting round and wished i would of had a dnc and later that following day it passed,

    So sorry on your loss :hugs:
     
  17. NickyT75

    NickyT75 RIP Sophie my angel

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    So sorry for your loss hun :hugs:

    I would also recommend the D&C for the same reasons mentioned by Angeldust - I know this is horrible for you but the D&C really is the quickest/safest option so you can start to move on :hugs: xx
     
  18. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    Omi, I found the questions quite insulting. How could I get my dates 6 weeks wrong? I had had a positive test AND seen my doctor before I even conceived by their reckoning.

    I have been getting angrier and angrier today actually.

    The hospital gave me a leaflet saying "you have chosen to have your miscarriage naturally". By heck have I!

    After we saw the scan we were taken into a room where a midwife came to see us. She was very nice and asked if we would like to see a consultant. We were both confused and upset but thought it was really nice of her and said yes we would.

    She fetched a consultant who, frankly just looked peeved and put out to be there. She sat down and said "I don't really know why I'm here, have you got any questions"? And trust me, she didn't say it in a pleasant way.

    Well, we didn't really have any questions. We had just seen a hole in my womb where a baby should have been. We had never even heard of the phenomenon before. We were rather hoping she would tell us a few things.

    Anyway, she didn't even discuss a D&C. She said that we would have to wait to MC and then after a while I could have pills.

    Is she @/%&ing joking? After reading everything I have read, I am appalled the option wasn't even mentioned. I appreciate that 5 weeks is early, but my body has been clinging onto it for almost 7 weeks now. They expect me to have a scan next Friday and then MC naturally.

    I am going in tomorrow for the second blood test to check my hormones. I think I will go to the ward and kick up a bit of a fuss.

    Omi, I'm very sorry to hear about your MC. It gets scary as we get older doesn't it! Good luck to you for TTC
     
  19. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    angeldust and nicky! Thanks for your support. I didn't see your posts before I started composing my latest rant lol.

    I have definitely decided to try for a D&C.

    Now all I have to do is ensure I get one!
     
  20. Boudica

    Boudica Well-Known Member

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    Right, I am off to the hospital in a minute to have the second blood test.

    I have decided to try and sit in EPAU until someone sees me and I can discuss my options now I have a greater understanding of what has happened.

    Wish me luck - I'll let you all know what happens later :neutral:
     

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