Wanting a specific gender to please others?

[smiley330]

Morning everyone!

I'm just wondering if anyone else feels, or has felt the same? (Sorry for the long post!!)

Ever since everyone has found out i'm pregnant, no-one has really had any qualms about saying they hope it's a girl. At first, it didn't really get to me - I just thought, that's fine, I can understand how it would be nice to have a girl in the family.

But recently, now I KNOW every single member of my family and OH's AND all of our friends are wanting us to have a little girl. YOU DO KNOW WE DON'T GET TO CHOOSE RIGHT???

There have not been any baby girls in my side of the family since me! And DS is the only grandchild / great grandchild on OH's side, so they are all hoping to have a little girl as obviously they already have a little boy in DS.

I'm just a bit fed up. There is every chance we are having a boy, and I genuinely do not mind what we have. I will feel absolutely no disappointment if we have another beautiful boy. I've always pictured myself with more than one boy and it would make me so happy to give DS a little brother.

Obviously I would also love a girl as well, it would be lovely to experiance the other side!

I just find myself now getting drawn into what other people are hoping for, and last night I even thought "wow, I hope this is a little girl" - but only because I want to please everyone else. The looks of disappointment on all their faces will be too much!!! Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I know I should not care what anyone else thinks, but it's difficult. Especially cuz I worry that if we are having a boy no-one will be as excited about it as if we were having a girl.

On the flip side I find myself thinking I want this to be a boy, I feel so protective over him/her already and just want to show everyone that if it is a boy it does not matter one little bit. My only wish is that this baby is healthy and I think everyone else is missing that point!!!!

Am I crazy??

x x x x x x x

(p.s, this was copied over from my journal - needed to get others opinions as well, thanks anyone who has read!)

 

[kat2504]

It is very annoying but really they are probably just making talk. It does put pressure on you though, as you feel you have to produce a girl but you have no control over that!
I am sure that if your baby is a boy, everyone will love him just as much. If they have one boy grandchild already, it's natural for them to want a girl too, but it doesn't mean they will be disappointed with whatever lovely baby comes along.
Next time say that you don't care if it is a girl, you will be just as happy if it is a girl or a boy and you hope they will too. That should shut them up!

 

[Geegees]

No of course you're not crazy! He / she will be loved and wanted what ever sex they are, and I'm sure the rest of your family and friends will love them too!!

 

[Wantapink1]

Its not anyone else who wants a specific gender only me - as I have 2 beautiful DS and I wouldn't change them for the world I would love to have a DD as this has always been my dream but in any case I would love equally another DS otherwise I would not have gone in for another child - as god gives you what you can handle xx

 

[smiley330]

Thanks girls

It's just so frustrating, and silly - because I know that if we are having a boy he will be just as loved. I guess it is like you said Kat - making talk. Don't they realise i'm an imbalanced hormonal mess and this kind of talk is not going down well!

That is a good point about saying i'd hope they will be just as happy either way. Every time anyone has asked or said about it i've always said it doesn't matter to me, so I should follow that up with something along those lines

x x x x

 

[orangeshoes]

Awwww poor you

I would suggest saying loudly next time there all talking about "the girl" that you would be over the moon and proud to have a healthy baby and it doesnt matter what gender it is! Make them feel bad heehee

 

[sandilion]

Edited: Wrong thread!

 

[immie]

YES! All i want is a healthy baby, but my OH is desperate for a little girl, so much so that i get the feeling that if we found out it was a boy he'd be really disappointed. Now i feel massive pressure to have a girl despite the fact HE is the one that determines the sex anyway. Either way i'm happy, wish he felt the same xxx

 

[sandilion]

My OH would love a boy, but i know he'll love his girl to bits if we had a girl. I do feel that id love to give him a son, but yeah it's out of out control.

 

[smiley330]

I think half of it is me being a bit sensitive to what other people are saying, and the other half is them just not thinking about what they are saying! I can see why they are saying it though, and I know that it really would not make the slightest bit of difference if this were a boy or a girl - it's just that's the way i'm feeling right now.

It's just making me more angry at myself cuz I don't want to get drawn into wanting a particular gender because it really doesnt matter to me.

I was dead set on finding out the gender as soon as possible, but I'm thinking about staying team yellow now, or at the very least - finding out and not telling anyone!

x x x x

 

[smiley330]

I would just tell them straight that you clearly can't choose the gender so people giving gifts that would suit only a girl seems a bit odd. You're not being ungrateful at all, i would feel exactly the same!!!! Call them out on it, it is quite cruel what they're doing. On you and the baby.

And they have NO RIGHT to tell you to dress your baby boy (if you have a boy) in girls clothing. What morons!! Sorry but that's just such a stupid heartless and horrible thing to say. They sound very self absorbed and nasty im sorry to say. Can you imagine if you had a baby boy and he looked back on his baby photos when he was older to see him dressed up in pink girls clothes? That kinda thing could be scaring on a child. I know he'd only be young, but how your in laws are behaving is just NOT ON.

It's things like this that remind me of my in laws and why i have nothing to do with them.

Was this post meant for me? Think it might have been posted in the wrong thread

x x x

 

[sandilion]

Oh goodness sorry! Yes it was for a different thread, this serves me right for posting when i have a headache and should be in bed at this hour!

 

[smiley330]

No worries! I had to scan back through my post and check what I had written to see if i'd given the impression of anyone having said that to me!

 

[sandilion]

Haha!! I still don't get how i did that as the other thread is in a different section to here! Im blaming my pregnancy brain!

 

[lori]

I did that last time (found out the gender but didn't tell) and it was wonderful. My family all wanted a boy (I come from a family of 3 girls) and DH's family wanted a girl (he comes from a family of 3 boys). I felt like I was going to be disappointing someone no matter what, so it was really great to be able to enjoy the fact that I was expecting a little boy for the second half of the pregnancy without facing anyone else's reactions (good or bad)

 

[mamaduke]

The only gender request I've heard was from my baby brother saying that it'd be great if I gave him a niece (since my little sister had a son). But all in all, most people are wishing the same thing I'm hoping for - a healthy baby.