Wanting to give up

[amandab86]

I had my baby yesterday. I am a difficult time and have cried so much and felt totally helpless. He doesnt have a good latch and my lactation nurse said my technique is wonderful its just that he wants to ise me as a straw and only take the tip of the nipple. She said my nipples were perfectly fine but recommended a nipple shield so maybe could get a better latch.

Also my husband works rotating shifts. When he goes back in a week he will be on 2nd, and gone from 12pm to 11pm. Between the 2 of us we have 4 other children who all live with us full time and are all under the age of 6. So it will be just me with 5 kids, doing the errands, school stuff, homework, cooking, cleaning, bathes, everything. It seems like so much work on top of breastfeeding and pumping. Im not super woman. Everyone keeps teling me it will get easier but they have 1-2 kids, sure its easy for them. If their baby doesnt sleep good that night they get to nap. I dont have that option. I have family near but they all work. I keep thinking how much easier it would be to formula feed. My husband could help, it would take a load of pressure off me, i wouldnt feel so tethered to my house, etc. but i feel SO guilty at te thought of stopping. Advice?

 

[Angelica]

A sane happy mum is more important to ur kids than a stresses out one!
Thats wat I keep telling myself each time im feeling guilty about stopping b/f as its not going particulary well for me.

Good luck with watever u decide tho x

 

[pinklightbulb]

First off, big big big hugs to you, and congratulations on the birth of your baby

BF takes time to get established. It's a learned skill for both Mum and baby, and doesn't always come "naturally" as is touted by some BF mums. Baby has the innate skill to BF, but a lot of times, just needs help to get it right!

I found this with both my sons. Eamon had a bad latch to begin with, which needed correcting--lots of taking off and re-latching so he learned to latch on the right way, and not stick to the way he wanted to. If he latched badly, I would take him off instantly and try again till he latched how I wanted him to.

Has anyone taught you what a "proper" latch should look like? How helpful have the MWs been? If baby is only taking the tip of the nipple, then that is not a good latch, you are right, and the MW should be showing you exactly how it should look, or at least telling you. Has baby ever latched in a way that feels comfortable to you, or consistently only takes the tip of the nipple?

 

[Viola Payne]

It took me five days to get going with breastfeeding. Don't give up, it's so awesome once you get comfortable with each other. I was fiercely stubborn about it and refused to give in and I'm so glad for that now. It's an amazing bond, so special. You'll get it, eventually. If mamas and babies couldn't figure this out none of us would exist.

 

[Viola Payne]

Sorry, I didn't read your entire post and didn't realize that you might want support for your decision to stop bfing.

I also wanted to say that if he's taking only the tip of the nipple all you have to do is get him to open his mouth wide (or wait until he does), then shove your boob in there. That's what i did to teach my little guy to latch properly.

In terms of stopping, i genuinely believe that every woman should make whatever decisions about her body make her most comfortable. If you want to stop bfing, then stop. It's okay, you're not doing anything wrong.

But, that being said, I honestly don't understand how people think formula could be easier. It makes no sense. With the breast you can feed them any time anywhere, you don't need bottles, you don't need to find liquids to mix, you don't run out, you don't need to heat it or carry around supplies. Yes it's more difficult at the start, but isn't it waaay easier in teh long run? I don't know, maybe i'm wrong but it just seems like bfing = hard for 1 week, formual = pain in the a** for a year. Maybe i'm wrong though.

But seriously, you should not feel guilty if you decide to quit. As my friend said, they're your boobs, no one gets to tell you what to do with them.

 

[justkitty]

Ff isn't really a hassle. Bf is obviously more convenient once established but it takes only a few minutes to wash & sterilise. If it'll allow you some help, rest and time for your children and yourself then go for it with ff. Maybe just let baby have colostrum & boobie until dh goes back to work.

 

[NoodleSnack]

If you want to give bf a try, why not just go with the flow and bf all the time you can, and when you're really exhausted or want to spend time with your other children, supplement, it's not all or nothing. I always had fomula in the house and still leave some with my mum just in case, though he absolutely refuses to take the bottle or the sippy cup. You should read up to understand how to supplement correctly to maintain your milk, and probably need to get the latch corrected for this to work.

If you want to stop, then don't let other people's opinoin bother you, decide what's best for family and go with it.

 

[icklemonster]

Congratulations on your new arrival
In my experience, the first week really is by far the most difficult. The best advice I was given, was get through night 5 and it all becomes brighter. It was so true and I'm soooo glad I continued. I love nursing LO now, and never thought I would be feeding past 6 months, my goal was 4!
I second trying to wait until LO's mouth is wide open by tempting him to open his mouth by rubbing your nipple on his nose. As he opens wide quickly shove it in.
I have just started to introduce an early evening formula feed and it is definitely loads of hassle compared to breastfeeding. I am making the formula up as per the carton instructions (I realise a lot of the formula feeders don't do this). So I wait for the kettle to cool for 30 mins, then make up the formula, then run it under a cold tap. Give it to LO. Then wash up the bottle and sterlise it. The whole thing takes an hour. Compared to getting a boob out for 5 minutes. I agree that breastfeeding is hard to establish but easier in the long run. And you always have your boobs on you. No worrying about taking bottles, water and formula etc.
Maybe once your supply is establish you can express some milk too, so your OH can give baby a bottle and help out if you want a night off. I've always checked LO has taken a bottle of expressed milk so I'm not permanently tied to her and my family and DH can help out.
Good luck in whatever route you go down xxx

ETA - A lot of people speak badly of nipple shields but they saved my breastfeeding relationship early on, when I suffered from bad OALD and LO would cough and splutter every few sips. I used them when we were out and about and they never had a detrimental effect on my supply. So maybe try nursing using them occasionally. One of my good friends used them for ages, for every feed and she is still BF as well.

 

[rose.]

Congratulations on your new baby! My advice is do whatever makes you happiest. A happy baby is one who has a happy mum. If you don't feel you can cope with breastfeeding then don't force yourself. You will only feel worse and having a newborn is stressful enough without dreading every feed.

Sometimes despite your best intentions breastfeeding just doesn't work out. I persevered and persevered and eventually it did for us, but I don't have any other children and had lots of support from my mum in the early days, who came round almost every day for a couple of hours to make me lunch, stick the washing on, etc. my husband also works a lot so he wasn't around much to help.

I agree with some pps - maybe just do a few breastfeeds a day and ff when it's not possible to do so? Then your LO will still be getting some breastmilk but it takes the pressure off a bit.

Do what is right for you though

 

[Viola Payne]

And you always have your boobs on you.

Well put!

 

[Dk1234]

I think if you think you'll feel guilty now, chances are you'll feel really guilty if you'd too and it's really hard to start again once you've stopped. Your baby will likely start sleeping longer stretches at night soon and you won't need naps during the day. I have a newborn and a 13 month old and I haven't had a nap yet and honestly bfing is already becoming easier only 8 days in

 

[pinklightbulb]

Oh wow, congratulations DK!

I second everyone else who said if you want to BF, give it just one day at a time. That's what worked for me.

 

[New Mrs W]

if you want to stop, stop. I am totally pro bf but I found it so hard to establish bf with one other chil about, never mind four others. And my dh was home for nearly four weeks and even when he went back my mum was here three days a week. And it still nearly didn't happen for us. If we decide to have a third I very much doubt that I will even consider feeding past the colostrum stage. I know bm is best for baby but if you have four others to consider (let alone your own sanity) I think you need to do what is best for everyone. I know that long term bf is easiest (although I second the point that it really isn't all that inconvenient to ff) but initially you won't be tethered to a chair nursing 24/7, you will know approximately when a feed is coming and can plan around it and you're right, someone else will be able to do it for you every now and then to take some pressure off. No doubt I will be shot down for saying all this in the bf forum but I have had a ff baby and a bf baby and I know which was easier by far. Also, my ff child has always been such a well, healthy little boy whereas my bf four month old is on his fourth/fifth cough and cold as well as having had two lots of antibiotics already for conjunctivitis!

At the end of the day, you've got to do what's best for your family. You will feel guilty towards someone whatever you choose to do! Good luck xx