Was planning on adoption but having doubts

[loopsie]

Hi Guys,

Im 18 weeks pregnant and 16 years old. My pregnancy wasn't planned, I had actually been told that due to problems with undereating I couldn't get pregnant. Guess the doc that a bit wrong!

Im so young. And i hate children. It sounds awful but I just dont understand them and they're gross and I feel so incomfortable around them. Im very un-maternal. So I have meetings set up with adoption people in my area. I don't know how the process works really, but I think they match what I want with what a couple looking to adopt wants.

I just had my 12 week scan (at 16 and a half weeks) Now have an extreme lack of faith in doctors.
The baby seemed healthy. And they think she's a girl. She already has a personality, she was sucking the cord and gave herself hiccups. it just made her human. A baby, my baby. Every night since I cry and cry just thinking about handing her over. I am dreading giving birth, not because of the pain but because it means she won't be with me anymore.

If I keep her, she won't have a dad, she would only have half a family. She won't have nice things (im on an apprentice wage), we might not even have a house to live in. My parents can't help out. I won't have a clue what i'm doing. Keeping her just doesnt seem like an option.

I'm not sure whether I should tell anyone about these doubts. If I tell the adoption services, what do you think they would do? I think my Dad and his wife would kick me out if I told them this. And I cant live with mum. None of my friends know I'm pregnant (long story involving babys's dad) I on't know whether it's right to feel this way. Im scared I wont go through with the adoption plan. Feel so weak.

 

[Muppet]

I'm so sorry for how you're feeling chick!): I'm not sure if I'll be much help but I just wanted you to feel like there is someone caring!
Have you thought about speaking to your midwife? She could be a great help. If you decide you want to keep the baby she can help you apply for things such as housing, etc. Is there a 'connexions' or 'sure start' center near you? They can be HUGE helps!
Although gifting your baby for adoption is a fantastic and amazing thing for you to do, if it's not right, it's not right. Well done for being strong enough though. A lot of people aren't.
There's so many people out there who can help, you just need to ask for it.
Don't be scared to tell the adoption people about how you're feeling because (and they'll say this themselves) it's your choice and no one is going to influence or make the decision for you.
I really do wish you the best of luck hun! Feel free to message me if you need some support, I'd be happy to help!!x

 

[Babybbumbleb]

I just wanted to say first off that your choice of adoption is very mature and thoughtful of you. It'll be very scary and I have the same thoughts about money and all that. But the way I see it is that my little girl will have love and support through everything. It's very hard giving your baby up to someone you don't even know. I personally couldn't imagine it. But do whatever is right for you. If it comes down to it and you feel keeping your baby is the right thing. Then do it. But it's up to YOU. Nobody else. If you make the wrong choice you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Do some thinking and some soul searching and talk to other girls who have given their baby for adoption. I hope with whatever you choose you are happy and I wish you the best

 

[x__amour]

Sweetie, it's okay to be having second thoughts. Adoption is such a beautiful thing but in the end if you decide it's not what you want to do, it's okay. You can parent, no one will judge you for it. Becoming a parent is one of the scariest moments of our lives and a lot of us had that moment of doubt but in the end, if you chose to parent, it is so worth it. Regardless of, make sure the decision you make is the right decision for you. Not your parents, not your FOB, you and only you.

Good luck honey. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk.

 

[MrsEngland]

Don't feel bad for having second thoughts hun, its a BIG decision that you have to make that will change your life and your baby's life.

You have plenty of time to make that decision and maybe try find someone to talk it over with. At the end of the day only you can make the decision and it has to be what's going to be best for you and baby. But don't think you can't do it because you can and don't think you have to go through it alone either.

 

[twilightgeek]

Hey if your not sure what to do check out gingerbread (first link in google) they have advice for young mums on benefits and housing and general motherhood things lots of advisors to talk to and a free help line if your struggling with anything good luck with your decision

 

[ZombieQueen]

Perhaps talk to your doctor and see if you can go to counselling to talk about what you're going through, weigh your options, think things through, check on benefits, and take your time deciding. At the end of the day, only you can truly decide what is best for you. I know a ton of great stories from all sides, there are tons of pros and cons to either choice. Just have to figure out what's best for you and your baby.

 

[keepinfaith]

I am so sorry to hear your pain. you sound like a sweet and caring girl, as you are thinking about your child already. I want t write you only to encourage you to do what is right for you, but to also give another perspective. My name is Lisa, I am 32 years old, my husband is 34. We are very much in love, successful careers, home, etc. But my heart is empty and aches every day. All I want this world is a sweet precious baby to hold and love everyday, I feel the maternal instict so strongly is aborbs most all of my thoughts. However (fi you follow my old posts you will see) i have been unable to conceive, even now with infertility treatments and procedures. If you can find it in your heart and find the strength to do adoption, i want you to know what an incredible gift you would be giving someone. there are no words, if you pick the right family, that will be able to explain the love you can give somone in need. I am now starting the adoption process. But there is a very long list for the agency to even start looking for a baby for us. Do what is in your heart, but know that you can truly be an angel for someone special. My heart goes out to you. I only hope that one day somone will choose me to love and provide for their child the way they wish they could.

 

[keepinfaith]

please excuse all my typos i tend to type to fast!