We have a 5 & 7 yo...should be go for a 3rd?

[mrscupcake]

This is a questions which goes through my head every day since having the 2nd and I can change my mind several times a day. I'd say I've mostly wanted a 3rd but now the age gap is getting bigger and I feel we need to make a decision soon. We have a girl and a boy and they both have such a lovely bond. They get on so well. When we've talked to them about us having a baby the youngest is more keen but the eldest isn't so keen but also not overly against it either. I am so broody but I don't want it to upset anything with our children. I don't want it to effect them in a negative way or prevent us from getting out and about with the family...which I don't think it will. I'm 32 so I know I'm still young enough. I've always wanted a big family but I don't want it to be a selfish decision. My husband is the same as me and changed his mind a lot but I think he'd be happy to go along with whatever I decide. We already have a 7 seater and we can afford another one...do anyone else have an age gap this big or have a 3rd? Would like some other opinions!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Mine 2 were 8 and 6 when I had my 3rd. I was a huge adjustment as she was a very needy baby and didnt fit in as I hoped. That said it has all fitted now but the bond is different then my eldest 2 have. It did change their life at first they had to wait a bit more for things and days out had to wait as #3 hated car, hated everything. Lol x

 

[Babybump87]

I could have written your post . This is something I think about daily too!.

After having DD1. The thought of another baby was terrifying. I didn't want another but then I couldn't bare DD to be a only child and went with my inner feelings and we had DD2. This time round now DD2 has just turned one and DD1 is starting full time school in September . Another baby is something I really want . I am 30 this year too and I dont want a big age gap between my children. I am hoping by the end of the year to be pregnant and have a similar age gap between my children. I would love a boy to complete our family but then again another girl would be amazing who knows. lol.

I would say another sibling would change their lives but they will adjust and plus you will have enriched their lives so much better forever. If you can afford it and want it then go for it.

OH always says to me not to let my fears or anxiety get in the way of things I really want.

Hope you come to a decision soon x

 

[lau86]

I think you should go for it. Mine are 5 3 and 1 and they all get along really well. It is such hard work though

 

[Pearls18]

Mine are 6 and 3 and it's something I do think about but it's getting easier and easier to give a resounding "no", I HATE the baby stage, it feels like you can't have a normal family life with the push chair, nap times etc etc, I love that my youngest is now 3 I feel like I can finally "see" our family life ahead of us, we've booked our first holiday abroad. I just can't imagine after 3 years having to go back to the nappies, sleepless nights etc, but I seem to be in a minority of not liking this stage ha! I think I'd have to have them closer together if I wanted more. Finances are a big thing for me, I want a certain level of lifestyle, we're getting the 30 free hours this year so I feel like we'll finally have more to show of our salaries (as I say first foreign holiday is booked!), we want them to join clubs, go on holiday, have nice birthdays/Christmases, nice clothes, we're also planning on buying a house this year. A big thing for me is my job, I don't live near family and I think I would really struggle to work full time still, financially but also to be able to give them all the time each child needs as well as my job. I also genuinely think they wouldn't enjoy having another baby, it was important to me that we had 2 so they had each other, but I don't think they would enjoy having a baby in the house and that's a significant time of their childhoods. Mostly, it's an absolute no from my husband so I don't really have a choice anyway haha. I feel like with 2 kids we have the right balance of family time, couple time, careers, I don't feel overwhelmed by the "mother" side of my life and that's how I like it.... I think the main thing that nakes me think a third would be nice is when I picture the future and having adult children, not sure if that sounds weird but I'd like more adult children without having raise them haha. I would potentially consider adoption of an older child in future but obviously that brings with it a whole other set of concerns/issues but it is more likely than me getting pregnant again anyway! Probably not much use to you but just to give the reasoning of someone who does still dilly-dally but adds up to no more.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

With older kids I think the youngest is less hassle. Like we never had to hide small toys, she just does not touch them...we didnt feel defined by a baby when she was small as she got used to our lifestyles. So it wasnt hassle like when I had 2 close together.

 

[Pearls18]

A baby wouldn't just fit into our lifestyle now, we've very much developed into a family of 4 and live accordingly. We're just not baby people, I know lots of people love them, get broody etc, but for me (most likely due to my PND from both children) the baby stage represents isolation, being trapped, being constantly on edge. For my husband I imagine I was just horrible to live with back then so that's why he doesn't like it ha. I wish I could have enjoyed and relished in it more but I suppose at least I don't have that broodiness so many women seem to have to contend with.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I didnt have any broodiness till last year really. I had bad PND with #2 and I think already having a routine did help with #3 as my life was not as baby revolved as it was before. We just carried on as normal,long trips, holidays, bedtimes, visiting people and days out. Might be weird this time having 2 at home.

 

[pinkstarbinks]

Our third was somewhat a surprise, he has enriched our lives & looking back despite our worries and concerns it's like he was a missing piece of the puzzle. Corny sorry, but I just wanted to say although it is daunting having number 3 can be a really good thing! Our ages are almost 7, almost 4 & just turned 2 x

 

[_jellybean_]

I think you should do it if you feel like you can. I wish I could have a third, but dh and I are getting older and it would just be too hard for us. Pregnancy was really difficult for me so I'd miss ten months of my lo's lives and our house is too small, etc. ds and dd are finally getting independent so I don't feel like we could have another, as much as my heart longs to hold a newborn and have another child.

 

[mrscupcake]

Thank you so much for all your opinions!!! We're still so undecided. We sat down today and had a good chat about it and made a pro's and con's list lol. They both scored the same and that's with rating the importance of each point. I think the main point from cons is the age gap and that I worry it will take our focus away from the kids when they are at the most fun ages! (But I'm still happy to go out and about with a baby - we've never been very strict on "nap times" and it's never effected them!) ...the main Pro for both of us being extending our bubble. We love our little family so much we just want the bubble to grow! More children, more love, more fun. Yes more work, more laundry, less money and no sleep...but I get that. We asked the kids if they would want one and the 7 year old said he'd quite like one and the youngest said she wasn't sure. They never seem excited about the idea and the youngest is still clingy and cuddly now even age 5. They get on together so well though and the eldest is great with babies and younger children. Such a difficult decision. It really is! When I was younger I've always said I wanted 5!!! We live in quite an expensive area that we'd in no way afford a house to accommodate 5 haha but I've always dreamt of a big family. Xx

 

[mrscupcake]

I could have written your post . This is something I think about daily too!.

After having DD1. The thought of another baby was terrifying. I didn't want another but then I couldn't bare DD to be a only child and went with my inner feelings and we had DD2. This time round now DD2 has just turned one and DD1 is starting full time school in September . Another baby is something I really want . I am 30 this year too and I dont want a big age gap between my children. I am hoping by the end of the year to be pregnant and have a similar age gap between my children. I would love a boy to complete our family but then again another girl would be amazing who knows. lol.

I would say another sibling would change their lives but they will adjust and plus you will have enriched their lives so much better forever. If you can afford it and want it then go for it.

OH always says to me not to let my fears or anxiety get in the way of things I really want.

Hope you come to a decision soon x

I sort of wish I didn't leave the gap as big as I did so if it's something you really want then go for it! Xxx

 

[Babybump87]

I think sometimes the more you think about something the more confusing/worried etc you get about things. Well I do anyway lol.

You will always somehow make time for your other kids, even if its just them helping out with a new baby.

I asked DD1 about a baby and she said a girl yes no boys. They are not nice to girls lol.

I couldn't cope with five kids lol Hopefully three is my limit.

Keep us updated on your decision if you dont mind !!. xx

 

[mrscupcake]

I think sometimes the more you think about something the more confusing/worried etc you get about things. Well I do anyway lol.

You will always somehow make time for your other kids, even if its just them helping out with a new baby.

I asked DD1 about a baby and she said a girl yes no boys. They are not nice to girls lol.

I couldn't cope with five kids lol Hopefully three is my limit.

Keep us updated on your decision if you dont mind !!. xx

We've got 2 weeks until ovulation so I suppose we have 2 weeks to decide (we'll, whether to try this month anyway)

My DD2 said exactly the same thing re only wanting a girl! Haha. We went for a meal today and because of their age they are so well behaved...if anything I felt like it was too calm...that we could do with a bit of noise and chaos from a baby throwing food around etc...that sounds crazy doesn't it!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I personally love the bigger age gap. My 2 that are 20mths apart used to be close but now argue allllllll day.

 

[mrscupcake]

Ok so we've decided to go for a third! After a lot of talking and weighing up pro's and cons we've decided we want to expand our bubble. The kids will love it too I'm sure and because there will be an almost 6 year age gap between a new baby and my youngest right now things should be easier. Here's hoping! Feeling extremely nervous now!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Good luck. I really loved age gap with my 3rd. Much much nice than close. A whole new game but a good one.

 

[Babybump87]

Ok so we've decided to go for a third! After a lot of talking and weighing up pro's and cons we've decided we want to expand our bubble. The kids will love it too I'm sure and because there will be an almost 6 year age gap between a new baby and my youngest right now things should be easier. Here's hoping! Feeling extremely nervous now!

Oh wow fantastic news. Congratulations on making the decision. Good luck !

 

[x__amour]

Congrats on your decision! I've always thought, "You'll always regret not having a child but never regret having a child."
My 1st and 3rd will have a 6½ year age gap but I think she'll be fab at helping me.