PnkPolkaDots
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2013
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Hey all.
I was here ages ago and the past year has been a whirlwind. First, I got pregnant unexpectedly and miscarried. A few months after, we started trying again and got pregnant, then miscarried again. Since then, we've done NTNP, a few times trying, and lately we haven't been using protection because at this point I simply don't know. I feel like a few years ago I had that optimistic naivety of someone in their early 20s, but now we're 28 and 29 (in March), and I feel like being closer to 30 has me thinking with a lot more logic.
Right now, we're engaged and living together and somehow making things work financially. We're able to pay our bills, but not much else. We have a little bit in savings but it's mostly leftover from when I still lived with my parents and put most of my paychecks into savings (thankful I did that when i could). Right now, we can't afford a lot into savings. Most months I put maybe $10 or $20 into savings just for the sake of "putting something into savings and not pulling from it." Financially, I'm scared. A few nights ago I had an anxiety attack from worrying so much about it and had heart palpitations and felt like I couldn't breathe.
I work as a reading assistant part time and love my job, but it's a 1 to 1-1/2 commute (one way) and is part time. I make okay but not great wages. OH's job is the one that worries me. He has a degree in urban studies and has done temp work in the parks and rec area and just last summer was a park ranger. Despite this background, right now he delivers pizza right now. I know that not making much money hurts him. We don't need to be rich, but we want kids so bad! Being a mother is the only thing I want in life. He wants kids so bad too. I see him get sad when he sees dads with kids out or when a sweet commercial with a dad comes on, and it breaks my heart. We've also planned on me being able to stay home when we do have kids. I would be willing to sub a couple days a week to help supplement our income, but we've always planned on him being the one who is the primary breadwinner.
I hope nobody thinks this comes across as being whiny, but I really don't want us both working 50+ hours just to afford the basics in supporting a family. I don't have a workaholic mindset, and I just know that being away from my baby all the time would devastate me. Even worse... I work in education, so it seems pointless to me to be away from my own child all day so I can be with other people's kids!
I guess the whole point of this is... I'm scared to death that we'll never be able to afford a baby. We don't own a house. We don't have a ton in the bank. We've both been out of college for 5+ years and I feel like our window for the big break is over. I really don't have any faith in him getting a better job. When he graduated, it was the height of the recession so pretty much all jobs in his field were laying off. Now, I feel like he doesn't have enough recent stuff. I feel like any job in his field would go to a new grad (fresh out of school so everything is current), or someone with loads of experience. Being a mom means too much to me to just shrug and say, "We just won't have kids - oh well!" It isn't even the matter of being able to get and stay pregnant. Given that we were able to afford a baby, we could go to a fertility doctor, and if that still didn't work, we could look into other options like surrogacy or adoption. But I feel like we just won't ever have enough money. To me it seems like, whatever you have in your late 20s is what you get. Like, this is as good as it gets. I have friends who got married around 25, bought houses, and have husbands who make enough money that they stay home with the kids (and they still have nice things!). I just feel so stuck, like we'll be living paycheck to paycheck and renting our whole lives. Honestly, the living paycheck to paycheck and renting our whole lives wouldn't even be that bad if we were somehow still able to be parents. A life without children just seems so useless. We love each other and have a great relationship, but the idea of never having children just makes life feel like it isn't even worth living to both of us.
Thank you for listening (reading). I'm really sorry if I sound whiny, but I am just so upset and feel at the end of my rope. If you don't have anything nice to say, I politely request that you just don't reply at all. If you can relate, have any tips, suggestions, or words of encouragement, they would all be greatly appreciated. I'm sure I'll be back on the upside of my emotional rollercoaster soon, but today is just a down day.
I was here ages ago and the past year has been a whirlwind. First, I got pregnant unexpectedly and miscarried. A few months after, we started trying again and got pregnant, then miscarried again. Since then, we've done NTNP, a few times trying, and lately we haven't been using protection because at this point I simply don't know. I feel like a few years ago I had that optimistic naivety of someone in their early 20s, but now we're 28 and 29 (in March), and I feel like being closer to 30 has me thinking with a lot more logic.
Right now, we're engaged and living together and somehow making things work financially. We're able to pay our bills, but not much else. We have a little bit in savings but it's mostly leftover from when I still lived with my parents and put most of my paychecks into savings (thankful I did that when i could). Right now, we can't afford a lot into savings. Most months I put maybe $10 or $20 into savings just for the sake of "putting something into savings and not pulling from it." Financially, I'm scared. A few nights ago I had an anxiety attack from worrying so much about it and had heart palpitations and felt like I couldn't breathe.
I work as a reading assistant part time and love my job, but it's a 1 to 1-1/2 commute (one way) and is part time. I make okay but not great wages. OH's job is the one that worries me. He has a degree in urban studies and has done temp work in the parks and rec area and just last summer was a park ranger. Despite this background, right now he delivers pizza right now. I know that not making much money hurts him. We don't need to be rich, but we want kids so bad! Being a mother is the only thing I want in life. He wants kids so bad too. I see him get sad when he sees dads with kids out or when a sweet commercial with a dad comes on, and it breaks my heart. We've also planned on me being able to stay home when we do have kids. I would be willing to sub a couple days a week to help supplement our income, but we've always planned on him being the one who is the primary breadwinner.
I hope nobody thinks this comes across as being whiny, but I really don't want us both working 50+ hours just to afford the basics in supporting a family. I don't have a workaholic mindset, and I just know that being away from my baby all the time would devastate me. Even worse... I work in education, so it seems pointless to me to be away from my own child all day so I can be with other people's kids!
I guess the whole point of this is... I'm scared to death that we'll never be able to afford a baby. We don't own a house. We don't have a ton in the bank. We've both been out of college for 5+ years and I feel like our window for the big break is over. I really don't have any faith in him getting a better job. When he graduated, it was the height of the recession so pretty much all jobs in his field were laying off. Now, I feel like he doesn't have enough recent stuff. I feel like any job in his field would go to a new grad (fresh out of school so everything is current), or someone with loads of experience. Being a mom means too much to me to just shrug and say, "We just won't have kids - oh well!" It isn't even the matter of being able to get and stay pregnant. Given that we were able to afford a baby, we could go to a fertility doctor, and if that still didn't work, we could look into other options like surrogacy or adoption. But I feel like we just won't ever have enough money. To me it seems like, whatever you have in your late 20s is what you get. Like, this is as good as it gets. I have friends who got married around 25, bought houses, and have husbands who make enough money that they stay home with the kids (and they still have nice things!). I just feel so stuck, like we'll be living paycheck to paycheck and renting our whole lives. Honestly, the living paycheck to paycheck and renting our whole lives wouldn't even be that bad if we were somehow still able to be parents. A life without children just seems so useless. We love each other and have a great relationship, but the idea of never having children just makes life feel like it isn't even worth living to both of us.
Thank you for listening (reading). I'm really sorry if I sound whiny, but I am just so upset and feel at the end of my rope. If you don't have anything nice to say, I politely request that you just don't reply at all. If you can relate, have any tips, suggestions, or words of encouragement, they would all be greatly appreciated. I'm sure I'll be back on the upside of my emotional rollercoaster soon, but today is just a down day.