Wedding question

[Linzi]

Had a fall out with my parents over this... just wondering what you girls think...

Basically, Matt and I are on a really tight budget for our wedding, so we decided just to have the service and thats it, but my Dad offered to pay for the evening do, so we accepted.

Problem is, they think I should have some sort of champagne reception, or wedding meal or something. which I probably would do if I had the money. But I dont.

The wedding service is booked at 1145am, and the evening do will start at about 7pm. Most of the people who are coming live in Leeds, but there are a few from Newcastle, London and the Isle of Wight who are coming.

My mother thinks that people wont come if they know they have to wait a few hours in the afternoon. She said if she got an invitation that said that, she wouldn't go to the wedding! She also says that she wont send the invitations out from them (because they usually say "Mr & Mrs x invite you to the wedding of their daughter... etc") because she thinks its rude or something?

My only thought would be to go back to the hotel where the evening do is, and where the guests are staying, and sit in the bar for drinks. But she also thinks its rude asking people to pay for their own drinks, even though we arent having a gift list?

Does ANY of that make sense? Im so confused, we never wanted a big do but i kind of feel like Im being forced into it now...

And you deserve a medal if you read this lol

xxx

 

[princess_bump]

poor u, weddings can be so stressful i would try to explain to your mum your reasons and take it from there. remember its your day and you must make the decisions, and it should be fun not stressful. good luck honey

 

[Vickie]

hmm That's a tough one. My brother's wedding had a couple of hours wait in between the wedding and reception (because of problems booking the church) but I don't think that they lost many guests. I like the idea of going to the hotel bar myself. People don't have to drink if they don't want to....

 

[princess_bump]

i agree vickie, i think the idea of a bar sounds lovely, and i've been to lots of weddings where you buy your own drinks

 

[DaisyDuke]

Hi hun i know only to well how stresfull weddings are. Is there any way the wedding itself can be later in the day? XXX

 

[enigma]

I feel your pain hun, when we was arranging our wedding, we decided half way through that we wasent going to invite anyone, just have me, him and the kids there, then go away for the weekend, but i felt guilty, so we went with the wedding party instead.
I regretted it and wished we had just had us there, but it was to late by then.
We plan on doing it again at some point in the future, but this time, its going to be about us, no one else.

 

[Faerie]

Hi, we had a similarish situation with the time thing. Our wedding was at 11:30 and dinner at 7. We actually provided a small buffet after the service, with Proseco rather than champagne. We only had 20 people and we provided 6 bottles (I think) and some juice and stuff. Those who wanted bought their own beers once prosecco was gone. People then went to the bar (or some went sledging, we were in the mountains) and we had a sit down meal at 7pm. Don't know if that helps at all. I know it's hard when people are offering stuff and then telling you how you should do it, but try and sit down and write down a plan without taking into account other people's worries, then present it that way to your mum and tell her that's what will make your day. The invitation can always come from you and your DF.

 

[Pyrrhic]

It is quite a gap between 1145 and 1900. Depending on exactly what you're having, your service will take between 30-45mins. What about having an earlier evening reception, say 1700 and then putting on a few bottles back at the hotel? You could put on the invitation that the evening reception starts at 1700, which will give your guests time to relax/change/sort themselves out for the evening.

Traditionally she should send out the invitations from her and your father, especially if they are paying for the evening do. It's not rude, it's them asking people to come to their daughters wedding.

At the end of the day though, its your wedding so sod the traditions if you want! Just do want makes you happy xx

 

[ALY]

my mum was thw same wen i got married last year she wanted us to av a sit down meal in a hotel but she woulnt pay for it in the end we fell out over it
we were on q tight budget aswell so in the end we went to the pub across the road from were we got married and ad a few drinks everyone paid for their own drinks n nobody minded then we went to the reception
at the end of the day its ur wedding so u do wat u think is best its ur day
hope everything works out for u

 

[FEDup1981]

When i got married, i did exactly the same as you. Tho we didnt invite many to the actual wedding, everyone still came to the evening do, and it was a great time. Its your day, do what YOU want xxxx

 

[clairebear]

we had a gap between the meal and the enevning do as we got married and had reception all in same place and same room. the hotel set the room up for the meal while we had our photos done and then we went back in and had our meal after that we retreated to the bar people sat around drinking no one minded at all some of the older guests even had little naps LOL . it also allowed me to a chance to go to our room and touch up my make up and convert dress for evening do xxx

 

[Linzi]

We cant move the service now unfortunately, all the slots on that day have gone. The reason I booked it at that time was because I didnt realise we'd be hvaing all this fuss, so thought it wouldnt matter what time of day it was! How wrong was I lol

My MIL said that people might like to go back to the hotel to get changed, have a rest or whatever, because most of them will probably have had to get up quite early in the morning. Matt and I would also like a couple of hours to ourself on our wedding day. I dont know if thats selfish but it is our day after all.

Im going to send the invites out from me. I dont want them getting to heavily involved with how everything is planned... so I might just put something like "feel free to join us at 1pm for drinks in the hotel bar, followed by evening reception at 7pm"

This is way too stressful. What happened to a 10 guest, 20 minute wedding? lol

xxx

 

[x-amy-x]

Do it how YOU want it hun. It is your wedding and should be the happiest day of your life. At the end of the day you could always offer for the people who are travelling a long way to come back to your house for food or whatever? Just a buffet or something? And anyone who is not going to attend your wedding purely because you're not having an afternoon meal is selfish. Your mum is stressing you out unnecessarily and you don't need that.

I'm not having an afternoon meal either, i just can't afford it so i booked my wedding venue for 2:30pm, reception for 7pm.

 

[PeanutBean]

Could your Dad pay for an afternoon do rather than an evening one instead?

 

[Linzi]

Could your Dad pay for an afternoon do rather than an evening one instead?

He probably could yeah, I just think id rather have an evening one because Id be able to invite other friends and relatives who arent coming to the service but who Id like to be there, if that makes sense?

I did tell them that I would do it my way, and if they werent happy with it then no one asked them to pay. But in a nicer way lol also in my mind if someone s coming to my wedding purely for a free meal, Id rather not have them there at all.

xxx

 

[clairebear]

its managable hun but it has to right for u
god i remember the stress of trying to please every one.

we only had 25 people to the service and meal and then all the rest came to the evening do. it helpped us to keep cost down x

 

[todteach]

This is your wedding. The decision should be yours and Matts. Not your parents, his parents or friends. Weddings can cause such a great deal of stress. Prob looking like you wished you had decided to run away and elope by now.

That said, you can't please everyone. At our wedding we did a very small outdoor ceremony at my parents house. There were less than 30 people there: just immediate family, the reverend, and photographer. That was it. Had dinner with our family, and then a big reception in town.

I'm sure that this upset some friends (okay I know because I was yelled at by a "friend" for not having her stand as my bridesmaid.) Do whatever you want, it seems to me like way too much money is spent for one day. Sure our wedding was small, but we had fun, and it was "somewhat" affordable. My dress was the most expensive item, at $1,000 plus alterations. Best time of my life.

If your family feels that there is too much time in between the service and reception, consider getting married privately, and then have a party. If people want to come to the reception, even if coming from a distance, they will.

Good luck hun.

 

[**angel**]

awww hun it does all get stressfull and u panick on how its all gona run but as other ladies on here have said its YOUR day so YOUR choice...traditions dont need to come into it as every wedding is different so do whatever will make your day more memorable and special to you as it defo flies by...and no u aint selfish for wanting some time for u and ur hubby xxxxxxxxxx

 

[kiwimama]

Remember your wedding is about you and your OH, not your mother, father or any other person! You are entitled to do the day as you want and not worry about other peoples issues.

 

[Sarah88]

I think going back to the hotel bar is a great idea. People won't mind paying for drinks, especially if they don't have to buy a present. If your mum has a problem with that then tell her to put up a bar tab!