Welcome to 'Trying To Conceive Over 35'

[Grey Eyes]

....sorry for all the typos.........

 

[alicatt]

Coy.. feel like analyzing my FF? I was surprised when I got an even higher temp this morning, and it was real, not me temping after going to the bathroom. Here is what I keep wondering, is it possible to implant as late as 9 dpo and then it take 4 days to complete the implantation? That is what I see in my chart, but that seems kinda strange. But it would explain the dip for 4 days, and the rise the past 2. Plus the raging headaches started 2-3 days ago, and those funky cramps that I had in those 2 particular places happened to stop yesterday. Now I just have general cramps but mild ones, and lower back pain (but its mild too). Plus the insane moodiness, my Mom just called to see how I was feeling and I burst into tears again. Course she is in Canada and too far away to do anything and now I feel that I've made her sad too. She was so hoping this would work! AHHH.. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws. What do you think?

 

[alicatt]

OK, it is time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get out of my PJs and run to the store for the pot stickers, and then get ready to go to bunco. I'm going to pick myself up and go have fun with some great women, and then come home and I can wallow tomorrow. Enough for now!

 

[Babywhisperer]

BabyWhisperer- cm gets sticky, tacky, and dry after ovulation. Here's the thing about bbt'ing: before ovulation it is really low, e.g., 95's 96's, etc. After ovulation it jumps into the 97-98 range due to hormones rising. A bfp almost always brings a higher temp into the mid to high 98's. If AF is ready to come for certain you will generally see a temp drop the day before or day of, like back into the 97's or 96's.


TwoToGo- there is one small town north of us about 40 miles I have applied also and city about 120 miles north plus one 200 miles south and so forth...nothing seems to be available here and I am seriously trying not to stress out! Especially when kids start complaining about the menu and so on...

Ali- if you feel like crying go ahead- it's the tsress of it all! And stop planning next cycle woman! Wait until you get AF or a def negative one way or the other! Sheesh! I can't wait for awesome news tomorrow! And I saw Zach's pic- he has gorgeous hair! Fluffy pup


K, so I ask the girls if they are hungry and T just looks at me and shakes her head. 2-3 minutes later I hear T asking her dad something and he says "well, do you want some soup or something" and I hear her mumbling. I go into the room and she's vying for treats! This kid has a serious sweet tooth...I tell her if she is hungry I'll get her some healthy food. Or we have grapes, apples, bananas, etc. She says no I'm not hungry. So I tell her it is time for her to brush her hair, teeth, and make her bed. She starts wailing and screaming and saying "but I'm a little kid and I'm huuuunnnngggrrrryyy! " LOL! WHAT am I gonna do with this kid? lol

What did your bfp chart look like? I hope this is my month.

 

[twotogo]

OK, it is time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get out of my PJs and run to the store for the pot stickers, and then get ready to go to bunco. I'm going to pick myself up and go have fun with some great women, and then come home and I can wallow tomorrow. Enough for now!

Ali Hope you have a fun night with the ladies at bunco.

Coy - There is no way I coud commute 120 miles to a job. Wow!

 

[Grey Eyes]

Ali- Are you kidding? I love analyzing FF charts! Wow, yes, that's an awesome temp spike! Clear up to 98's! I have been researching IVF to try and figure out why some women stay low then jump and why some stay low in temp I think it has to do with hormones you inject and natural production of the same hormones as they increase....Re: implantation- I found this (Yahoo Answers ) comment and thought it was very interesting:

"After your embryo transfer, your embryo does wander around your uterus, developing further by splitting cells and eventually hatching from the egg shell (zona). Then it finds a good spot to implant and begins irritating the endometrium to bring up blood vessels that it can attach to. This can take 5-10 days. It doesn't just sit on the endometrium and wait to attach, it actually starts growing the yolk sac and fetal pole and it moves the whole time, until it finds the right spot.
Source(s):
I'm a medical assistant at a fertility clinic. We have videos of embryos hatching from the shell and growing the yolk sac and fetal pole from a clinic in Japan. It's amazing how much development and movement occurs during the first 2 weeks.""


So yes, I suppose it is possible to take a while to implant! I never knew the process the embryo went through, it's pretty amazing to say the least! And as you had 2 embryos delivered I am wondering if we are seeing two separate implantations with the spikes? And no I do not think you are grasping at straws. This is a very complex process and we women try everything we can to understand it and understand what is going on with our bodies. Symptoms spotting and charting is just about the only tools we have available on a daily basis- so that's what we use. I hope you have fun at bunco tonight! Definitely a good idea to chill out and have some fun! Try not to stress, the 2WW is a bitch (pardon my language )

Babywhisperer- I will try to access my bfp chart from ff and see what it looked like. I had charted all of my temps into a Word Doc and then my stupid computer ditched all my info when it crashed from what I can remember FF failed to even note my ovulation day and I think it is because I started charting so late in my cycle. But I followed cm as a major indicator as far as fertile days then my temp to watch for possible bfp before it would register on an hpt...

AFM- I just spent a horrific hour and half (at least it felt like it) budgeting at the grocery store. First there is this annoying man at the door trying to sell newspapers NO I am not interested! and he blocks the dang door so I can't get in I can be a serious nutcracker (ahem) if I want to so these guys should learn their manners! Anyway, I have dinner planned for the next two nights- a huge relief for me Milk bought for the next week, breakfast for the next couple days planned..sorta...water purchased (we can't drink the tap water here).

Wow, but I was walking fast through the store and holy cow it felt like my cervix was going to drop out! It was all I could do not to start cussing So I think I will try to take walks by myself and walk fast See what happens...

Plus I tried to do a little bra shopping, my bras are all too small now, which is a first!
I am really upset with my 8 year old it seems like she is going through this challenge Mom and the world phase...Plus my Kat is allergic to peanuts and Teagen decided to make a peanut butter sandwich, sit in front of her, and ooo and ahhh about how good it was Needless to say she got in trouble but that's just plain mean! Ah. I am going to work in the garage and see if I can get anything done before I have to fix dinner.

 

[Philomena]

Babywhisperer- I am sorry you are going through this with your dh...I am glad you trust him but it's something I couldn't let my dh do- and something he's never asked. I let him know right up front (good lord he had women stalking him for crying out loud when we got married!) women friends were a no-no...To be friendly- yes, that's fine, but friends? Like hang-out buddies? That'd be tough, and definitely an individual choice. As long as you are comfortable and confident with what you choose Re: your chart. Looks awesome! Nice high temp! I am wondering if this is your bfp month...no guarantees of course, but when I got my bfp it spiked up into the 98's right after. Hmmm Looks positive! And temps don't just keep rising they generally get high and stay there after a bfp Let's see what ff says about it in a few days--have you been putting all your info in there? Oh and about the Lyme...what do you mean bulls-eye mark? Because both of my girls have had (over the last few months) at least one little red scab looking circle on their hip- it fades from the center out and becomes a red ring that hurts when you rub ointment on it. I am frustrated! Because the little one also is getting these unexplainable rashes...it looks like a skin-color welt that raises up and is itchy. I put Benadryl crème and it goes away but in a few days can come back...It's driving me crazy. dh and I have worried about ticks, ringworm- you name it. I'll just have to take them to the doctor and see... The Eggs Benedict had me rolling btw! Serves him right! Ugh, I haven't been able to eat Sunnyside up for years--my brother grossed me out once by poking a straw into each egg and sucking the yolks out

TwoToGo- your chart has me wondering! Still nice and high, a small dip, but seems to go in line with this jiggy pattern you got going...Still waaaay above your cover line though and in the 98's! 8 dpo today...do you plan on testing at all the next few days? Hmmm...weepy? Fat? Ugly? You sure sound prego! Wow, I hope you get your part time job, that'd be awesome for you! Aaargh I would love to go back to work, financially we are always strained it seems a miracle happens every month to see us through! But 1) no one will hire a pregnant lady (even if it's against the law to say no because of that) 2) this town sucks and has no jobs available and I can't afford to commute! Nuts!

Jess- I LOVE your list idea! I've been thinking of doing that with T as she is almost 8 and really needs to start taking her responsibilities seriously. I need to do something so I am not reminding her 4-5 times a day Wow, I hope you get your thesis finished so you get some relax time! How are you feeling?

Ali- I know you are trying hard to stay positive and I understand you're feeling frustrated! Yes, some women just don't register hcg as highly and that could def be the factor in your case. I know you are feeling keyed up and nervous about your Beta Monday- I would too. You have invested everything in this cycle and you want the absolute best and positive answer- a !! I personally think that is the answer you will get! But try not to look negatively at anything...if this isn't a bfp then the future will bring one I am sure. The future's just gotta bring sperm and money with it Honestly because IVF brings such different symptoms with it is so hard to tell what is happening. So best to rely on hat your doc is telling you and get the Beta From what I have read that is what they recommend during IVF -- try not to stress out over symptoms because they can be so different and just do the Beta's as blood testing is so much more accurate Oh, and I agree with Jess on the sperm donor. There is a young lady (her thread is Young, Single, and Mummy to Phoebe) on bnb that did this very successfully! And Babywhisperer has a great idea for the fund raising! (Crap, I may have to do that - My dh all disabled, and me prego, Aaargh!!!) Took a few tries but she has a beautiful little girl now Can you work Monday from home

Thanks Coy! I just don't know how Monday will go. I'm hopeful, but I just don't see it. I mean my BETA is on 17DPO, I don't know of many women that don't have a positive HPT by 15DPO, you know? Granted it was probably TMU by the time I got up the nerve to POAS. First pee was at 5:45am, second around 8:15 and third was about 9:30. So who knows, maybe if I had used FMU it would have been different?
I've been trying to get things done around here, like laundry and I gave the doggies a shower, yep, I figured hey I need a shower so I'll pull the doggies in with me. Well that was a new experience for them. Zach loved it but Zoe hated it. But Zoe needed it, she has been stinky the past few days after she puked, she must have gotten some on her because she was just not smelling like roses if you know what I mean! So after they were done I let them out of the shower and they ran around the bathroom while I did my thing. After I thought, well maybe I should blow them dry? I figured Zoe would hate it because she has always run from me when I turned it on and sure enough she jumped into my tub and hid from me! Then when I kept it on, she jumped up on the little seatwell (its an oval tub in a triangle and has a little seat where you can sit and shave your legs) so she jumped up into that seat and sat there and watched with great interest as I used the blow dryer on Zach. He was hilarious, just lay there and loved the hot air on him. He would look right into the hot air and let it blow over his nose and floppy ears. You should see how fluffy he is now, and now they both smell literally like flowers (since I used my fruity shampoo on them).
I was going to run to the store and buy some ingredients to make some really cool appetizers, but with my raging headache and mopiness, I am just going to run to the store and get a bag of pot stickers and cook them up. They are good and cook in 10-15 mins and that will suffice for the appetizer I will bring to the Bunco tonight. Honestly I just want to curl up into a ball and cry and cry instead of going to bunco. Thing is that I haven't seen some of these girls in months and they are all so nice. So I figure I should go and get out and maybe it will make me feel a little better. IDK, curling up in bed and crying and watching sad movies is probably where I am at.

I wonder if my FS will do a discounted cycle the second time around? Or maybe there are other options? I wonder if I could find someone to give me fresh sperm? I have a friend that is wickedly handsome and he knows I am trying to get pregnant. When he found out how much I paid for donor sperm he just about died! He's like wow, I'd give you some for free, only problem is that he already has 2 kids and he doesn't want to be on the hook to support a 3rd (or 4th). I don't blame him, we are casual friends that sometimes fall into bed together and I while I would never expect him to pay any support, it isn't necessarily what I want that matters. The law in FL is such that if you father a child you are responsible for child support, and the child can advocate for themselves when they are old enough. I'm not sure whether it is the same if you get pregnant by artificial means? I just don't know.

If only my head would stop aching! I am sorry if this was long winded or off the wall.. my brain is just not thinking very clearly due to this miserable headache!

Do you have the option of listing the father as 'unknown' on the birth certificate? How would that have been filled out with your donor? There are ladies who do their own version of AI by getting the guy to 'donate', then they put it on an Instead cup and insert it as per usual. The Instead, for those who haven't heard of it, is usually used as an alternative to pads and tampons, and collects the menstrual flow in a reservoir that sits snug against the cervix. There is a group on bnb who are finding their own donors and getting pregnant that way for significantly less money. I worry that it is risky to do with complete strangers, but if you already know him and already 'know' him, it might be something to think about. I imagine you would have no problem drafting an agreement that would protect him from paternity obligations- your initial donor wouldn't be held to paying support, so there must be a way.
I'm not convinced you are out yet, but know that there ARE always options.
Still pulling for you, Ali!

Go to bunco! My book club did it once and we had a blast!! The ladies there will help cheer you up!

 

[Grey Eyes]

Hi Phil! Nice to see you on, how have you been feeling? When is your next dcotor appointment lady? Are you feeling babes move alot now?

 

[Grey Eyes]

Ah, I have not yet made it out to the garage. I had to start dinner and I had a talk with dh about budget and meals, etc. He understands our budget very well, which is why I was so surprised and disappointed in his attitude this mornig. Mayeb he doesn't understand how hard I have been trying. Well I spelled it out this evening...I mean here I am crying int he kitchen trying to figure out how best to make this meal so everyone is satisfied and not griping and I glance in the living room and he is dozing in his reclyner! It just p'd me off at the time and I lit into him about breakfast and how it was a rotten atitude to have bla bla, I vented for a bit. I am just exhausted being the only one who tries. He is disabled but there are some things that he can do without turning to me first. For instance he'll come ask me if its okay the girls play outside! I tell him for crying out loud your DAD you decide! And what it is - if I say yes they can play outside then I have to drop what I am doing and go watch them and he can go do whatever he wants. But I have things I have to do for the family, you know? Not just for myself. My own stuff (School, etc) gets reserved for when everyone else is asleep I had to budget and shop for nearly 2 hours this evening while they watched tv! While I am working int he garage 9 times out of 10 they are watching movies or the like. When I come in they ask about diner then bitch about it- Teagen actually threw a huge tissy last night screaming and yelling at me- in front of dh!- because I hadn't fixed what she wanted. It is driving me bonkers at this point I am ready to just on everyone and let them go hungry!

Plus, Grampa decided to help us fix the Suburban as we didn't have the money for just yet and dh says "we'll pay you back on such-and-such a date" and then he's asking me later how we can budget that in. So I tell him straight out that we cannot. Period. It's simply not there, ut made him feel better to be able to say it, but it's not there and I can'tmagically make it appear or budget miracles. I am so thankful God has aken care of us, and it is wonderful for the girls Grampa to offer to help, and right now I am in no position to refuse it.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies ... it helps tons, believe it or not! Now I have to decide if I can let the potatoes cook while I work int he garage or should I stand over them? ............

 

[jm1355]

Good evening!

Ali...I hope you went to bunco...you need some time to think about something other than your BFP you will get this week. I know it is hard to stay positive. It is so funny that every month when I get spotting and my temp dips, I still hope...RIGHT TIL AF SHOWS HERSELF... Even this month...I have had spotting, my temp has gone down a bit, but spotting is a little different --just on the TP when I wipe (but spotting none the less)...so everytime I go to the potty and there is no coloring on the toilet paper, I still get hopeful. I think it is because I feel certain that God is going to answer my prayers. And I am certain he is going to answer yours as well. But I am like you, I still start planning for the next month...it is just what we do, isn't it?

Coy...You are incredible! Juggling everything the way you do. I don't make a lot of money, but I only have one child. So, financially it is a bit easier for us with two paychecks. God has really been good to us.
But I grew up really poor, and I didn't even know it until I was an adult!! I knew we didn't have as much as some people had but I thought is was by choice! Lol! My parents are pretty good now, but they struggled back in the day and we really never knew it. I bet your kids will be the same way. I bet your kids will be the same way. They will not know how tough things are until you tell them much later in life. I love the way you handle things no matter how you feel!

Baby, what is going on with you tonight?

TwoToGo...are you smiling? Are you remembering that God is great and always provides provision before the problem?

AFM...still working on my thesis...the lit review is just about complete. I am hoping after I graduate in December I can get a job as a high school teacher. I love to teach and BF and I think it will be a great schedule to have when we have our family...
Oh, and I am fairly certain that AF will be here tomorrow. But who knows? The man upstairs may surprise me...

 

[Philomena]

Hi Phil! Nice to see you on, how have you been feeling? When is your next dcotor appointment lady? Are you feeling babes move alot now?

Hi Coy!
Been feeling really well lately EXCEPT for massive heartburn! I get it if I eat too much, not enough, not frequent enough..... Haven't figured out how best to handle it yet. The Tums bottle says no more than 5 tablets a day!

Babes is moving in regular spurts now- I'm trying to work out if there is a regular schedule for them. The one time that is for sure regular for right now, is at around 2am each day! 2am, 1:45am, 2:05 ish..... I can handle middle of the night feeds if they can be at predictable times! Here's hoping!

My next appointment is another 2 1/2 weeks away. I was seeing too much of one midwife and hadn't met one of the others on the team. They like the moms to meet each midwife a few times so we are all comfortable with each other as I can't be certain which two will be on call when I go into labour. So my appt was pushed another week so I could meet this midwife. Means I have to wait a little longer to see the official results of the glucose challenge test. If they suggest another one, I'm going to say "no thanks" I will just choose to eat a diabetic diet and monitor my blood daily. DH is diabetic and it won't hurt us one bit to eat that way, too.

My father in law is coming for a short two day visit starting on monday and has indicated that he plans on having a chat with his son. I hope it doesn't backfire and send DH spiraling. On the plus side, it may be the smack on the side of the head he needs.

I'm not really looking forward to him coming home on Sunday (after his month at a friend's place). But I guess he has to come home eventually.
On the to do list tonight are: cleaning out the front hall coat closet, and cleaning out and reorganizing the space under the kitchen sink. Tomorrow I want to take all the clothes I've sorted to give away, to a charity and when DH gets home I want him to go through the garage and locate the box of my favorite baby clothes I saved from dd #1. Having my two babies born in the same season means I should be able to use all of dd #1's clothes because they will be seasonally appropriate!

Glad to have you ladies to chat with! Thank you to each of you!
Phil.

 

[alicatt]

Good Evening Ladies..

Just got home from bunco, it was a nice evening, but of course the ladies there all asked how my TTC'ing was going. I hadn't seen them since May and that was when I was first starting my TTC journey. So they were all interested and wanted to talk to me about it. I explained to them that I won't know for sure until Monday, but that the test I took this morning was negative, which I felt meant that this cycle had failed. They were supportive and hopeful for me. So it was nice to hear. I'm still very much on the fence about this, and really just don't know which way it will go. On one hand I really fell that all that cramping and the night sweats and headaches are all positive symptoms of IVF, on the other, the irritability and mood swings I've had today and yesterday, along with the lower back pain today, and the heaviness down there make me think that AF would show her head right now if it weren't for the Progesterone shots. Couple that with the negative HPTs I just don't think it worked.

Coy! You are wonderful doing all this research to help me think more positively, I loved reading that post you had earlier, it certainly helped me a lot. I read another article which I can't seem to find now that said the embryo can hang out for a few days, and may not start implantation until 3-4 days after it gets there, then it can take 3-4 days to implant, then it can take up to 3-4 days for it to rise high enough for a HPT to test it, which if mine is at the outside of these values would mean that a HPT wouldn't be positive for another 2 days. Which not surprisingly is my BETA test day. LOL

You really are a miracle worker, helping me with my IVF woes, and shopping and meal planning and trying to get your garage cleaned out all the while your DH and the kids are just hanging out and relaxing. I'm in awe!

Phil - so good to hear from you! I'm glad you and babes are doing well! I had to laugh that she gets up around 2am, like clockwork, and that you feel it! WOW. The reason my donor isn't liable for child support is that I won't know who he is until the child is 18, and by that time the court says the father is no longer responsible for the child. If I were to go with someone I knew, I'm not so sure that he could just walk away and not be part of his or her life. He is a really good father to his kids now, and I just know he wouldn't want to forsake any of his children. So I'm not sure I would want to put him in a situation like that. I really like my sperm donor, he is HOT! Very athletic and a good physical match for me. We just need this one to work, so I don't have to stress about how I'm going to get my miracle baby.

Jess - I love your optimism, I normally am more optimistic, but I think in this case since it was my last chance, that I'm trying to keep myself grounded in reality so I am not totally devastated on Monday if I hear the words, I'm sorry it didn't work. You know? My only hope is that my Mom sees how devastated I am and decides to pay for one more month. I'm not going to ask her as she has spent enough already, and I worry that if we were to do another there is no guarantee it will work either! More money down the drain, and its not just a little either, if I were to do another month with the current prices, it would be a minimum of $16,000. No I didn't put too many 0000s there, that is what I would have to pay for another cycle. I mean its outrageous! Maybe my FS will cut his rate for the second cycle, and maybe I can get my drugs for England and cut the price of those down from $4000 to $2000, I just don't think its going to happen though. But you are right, I'm a planner, and it makes me feel better and helps me get over the loss when I can regroup and start on my plan for the next cycle. I think that is what is so hard for me right now, there is no next cycle.

OK gals, I'm beat, emotionally and physically exhausted and my headache is still with me.. so I'm going to hit the sack, and hopefully get a good nights sleep. Thanks everyone!

 

[twotogo]

Coy - I remember when my daughter was the age of T. She also went through the 'challenge mom and the whole world' phase. I wasn't sure either one of us would make it out alive. I think it lasted until she was almost 10. Oh, the tears that were shed! I am happy to report that we are both still alive, and my daughter is now a sweet tempered, caring, responsible 14 year-old.

I understand the struggle with budgeting for groceries. This week I decided to do something a little different. I had my children plan menus for the next few weeks, make the grocery list, and give them the budget that we have to stay within. They also did the shopping while I meandered around the store doing not much of anything. This was after I had them inventory everything in the pantry (which was fairly easy). I think it was a real eye opener for them. I think next time I'll have DH do the same thing.

 

[twotogo]

Good evening!

Ali...I hope you went to bunco...you need some time to think about something other than your BFP you will get this week. I know it is hard to stay positive. It is so funny that every month when I get spotting and my temp dips, I still hope...RIGHT TIL AF SHOWS HERSELF... Even this month...I have had spotting, my temp has gone down a bit, but spotting is a little different --just on the TP when I wipe (but spotting none the less)...so everytime I go to the potty and there is no coloring on the toilet paper, I still get hopeful. I think it is because I feel certain that God is going to answer my prayers. And I am certain he is going to answer yours as well. But I am like you, I still start planning for the next month...it is just what we do, isn't it?

Coy...You are incredible! Juggling everything the way you do. I don't make a lot of money, but I only have one child. So, financially it is a bit easier for us with two paychecks. God has really been good to us.
But I grew up really poor, and I didn't even know it until I was an adult!! I knew we didn't have as much as some people had but I thought is was by choice! Lol! My parents are pretty good now, but they struggled back in the day and we really never knew it. I bet your kids will be the same way. I bet your kids will be the same way. They will not know how tough things are until you tell them much later in life. I love the way you handle things no matter how you feel!

Baby, what is going on with you tonight?

TwoToGo...are you smiling? Are you remembering that God is great and always provides provision before the problem?

AFM...still working on my thesis...the lit review is just about complete. I am hoping after I graduate in December I can get a job as a high school teacher. I love to teach and BF and I think it will be a great schedule to have when we have our family...
Oh, and I am fairly certain that AF will be here tomorrow. But who knows? The man upstairs may surprise me...

Yes, I am smiling.... and laughing at myself. I am leading a Bible study on Monday nights and we are doing a study called, "Controling your emotions". It's a Women of Faith study. I think maybe God is testing me.

I have also stopped looking at the problems and started remembering all of the times (way too many to count) that God has provided for us in miraculous ways. So, now I am just sitting back and waiting with expectation to see how he provides. Actually, the possible job is amazing. The woman who interviewed me is the mother of one of the young men who attend our church. She looked at my resume and said, "This has got to be a God thing." She explained that they are looking for a part-time HR person, and she has really be praying for someone who is a Christian and with whom she can pray. It isn't her decision to hire me since it's for the staffing office and not one of their clients, but it is just amazing to see God work.

 

[Babywhisperer]

Ah, I have not yet made it out to the garage. I had to start dinner and I had a talk with dh about budget and meals, etc. He understands our budget very well, which is why I was so surprised and disappointed in his attitude this mornig. Mayeb he doesn't understand how hard I have been trying. Well I spelled it out this evening...I mean here I am crying int he kitchen trying to figure out how best to make this meal so everyone is satisfied and not griping and I glance in the living room and he is dozing in his reclyner! It just p'd me off at the time and I lit into him about breakfast and how it was a rotten atitude to have bla bla, I vented for a bit. I am just exhausted being the only one who tries. He is disabled but there are some things that he can do without turning to me first. For instance he'll come ask me if its okay the girls play outside! I tell him for crying out loud your DAD you decide! And what it is - if I say yes they can play outside then I have to drop what I am doing and go watch them and he can go do whatever he wants. But I have things I have to do for the family, you know? Not just for myself. My own stuff (School, etc) gets reserved for when everyone else is asleep I had to budget and shop for nearly 2 hours this evening while they watched tv! While I am working int he garage 9 times out of 10 they are watching movies or the like. When I come in they ask about diner then bitch about it- Teagen actually threw a huge tissy last night screaming and yelling at me- in front of dh!- because I hadn't fixed what she wanted. It is driving me bonkers at this point I am ready to just on everyone and let them go hungry!

Plus, Grampa decided to help us fix the Suburban as we didn't have the money for just yet and dh says "we'll pay you back on such-and-such a date" and then he's asking me later how we can budget that in. So I tell him straight out that we cannot. Period. It's simply not there, ut made him feel better to be able to say it, but it's not there and I can'tmagically make it appear or budget miracles. I am so thankful God has aken care of us, and it is wonderful for the girls Grampa to offer to help, and right now I am in no position to refuse it.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies ... it helps tons, believe it or not! Now I have to decide if I can let the potatoes cook while I work int he garage or should I stand over them? ............

Vent away! You certainly have a full plate along with that full belly. Dh needs to be more supportive and help provide a united front with dd's. I also think you need to have a Come To Jesus talk with your dd's. Empower them to step up into the role of big sisters, role models, and teachers. Maybe they are testing boundaries b/c they feel they will lose attention when the baby comes. Tell them how much you are going to need them and rely on them to help, to show the baby all the things they have learned and are good at. Highlight each dd's strengths and tell them how much you will be relying on them for that strength or talent. I think if they know they won't lose attention but will be relied upon like big sisters, they might surprise you and step up. They are acting out and testing boundaries b/c they know ho much you will be doting on the baby when she comes. Have a discussion w/ dh about how you are going to have these pep talks w/ the dd's so it will be a united front and he cam repeat the same message. This is what my friend is doing now as #4 is due the beginning of Nov.

In the meantime don't put so many demands on yourself, you can't be perfect and you are doing better than most in your situation. Seriously, school, a disabled dh, 2 dd's and a baby on the way? I don't know how you do it.

 

[Babywhisperer]

Good evening!

Ali...I hope you went to bunco...you need some time to think about something other than your BFP you will get this week. I know it is hard to stay positive. It is so funny that every month when I get spotting and my temp dips, I still hope...RIGHT TIL AF SHOWS HERSELF... Even this month...I have had spotting, my temp has gone down a bit, but spotting is a little different --just on the TP when I wipe (but spotting none the less)...so everytime I go to the potty and there is no coloring on the toilet paper, I still get hopeful. I think it is because I feel certain that God is going to answer my prayers. And I am certain he is going to answer yours as well. But I am like you, I still start planning for the next month...it is just what we do, isn't it?

Coy...You are incredible! Juggling everything the way you do. I don't make a lot of money, but I only have one child. So, financially it is a bit easier for us with two paychecks. God has really been good to us.
But I grew up really poor, and I didn't even know it until I was an adult!! I knew we didn't have as much as some people had but I thought is was by choice! Lol! My parents are pretty good now, but they struggled back in the day and we really never knew it. I bet your kids will be the same way. I bet your kids will be the same way. They will not know how tough things are until you tell them much later in life. I love the way you handle things no matter how you feel!

Baby, what is going on with you tonight?

TwoToGo...are you smiling? Are you remembering that God is great and always provides provision before the problem?

AFM...still working on my thesis...the lit review is just about complete. I am hoping after I graduate in December I can get a job as a high school teacher. I love to teach and BF and I think it will be a great schedule to have when we have our family...
Oh, and I am fairly certain that AF will be here tomorrow. But who knows? The man upstairs may surprise me...

Hey lady! How are you pretty girl? How's that masterpiece of a thesis coming along?

Dh took me to the movies last night to see The Master, wow what a dark movie. Joaquin Phoenix is a genius though, what an amazing performance. Not exactly the uplifting movie I needed, so we went to one of his brother's apt's the next town over and watched the Best of Will Ferrell and I laughed so hard I was crying. That is what I needed. I am still a little annoyed at dh that he doesn't get that it is inappropriate to tell his ex that he misses her. He says he misses her as a friend, they were friends for a long time, but does she know what he means? Does she know he misses her friendship and nothing else? I don't think it's right to communicate that as it is disrespectful to me. Again, he is such a sincere, good natured, pure in intent guy that he sees nothing wrong and assumes she knows the difference. He did tell me how he misses his friend Lisa and Nicole too, and they never dated, 1 is married and I am not uncomfortable with that so why am I uncomfortable with this? Maybe I need to have more confidence and let it go. Once we have a baby he will have less time for her and his focus will change from friends from his past that he misses to the future we have and raising a child. Come on BFP! He was cute when I told him how hungry I was, he said he hoped I was eating for 2...he keeps asking when I can test. He's more excited about starting a family than anything right now.

So chart talk, I temped this morning and it was 98.71 I was 98.57 the last 2 mornings then spiked this morning. I am 6dpo and feel nothing. My weepy/emotional state of Friday and yesterday morning passed, and we yesterday afternoon as I was ready to pounce!

Today we are heading into the city for dh's friends bday. It is at an apt 1 block from the apt I just sold 2 weeks ago. I miss my neighborhood and my apt. 28th and Park was my home for 5yrs, it was my security, my biggest achievement, and empowering to live in the heart of the city...not to mention to have a 20 block commute that cost $104/month on the subway vs. an hr each way that costs $400/month. I moved to LI b/c dh's law firm is out here. It's going to be good to get back to my neighborhood.

Ali, how was Bunco? Only 1 more night's sleep until your Beta! Keep the faith girl, your bfp is coming.

How is everyone else?

Should I be expecting my temps to fall soon?

 

[alicatt]

Afternoon ladies..

EEK! What a night! Bunco was fun, but being that I'm so on edge I was not myself. The ladies were so supportive and interested in my journey since I saw them last. So that was nice. Still I had to tell them that I didn't think it had worked since I was still getting negative HPTs.

Again this morning, another stark white FRER. I'm 11dp5dt, or 16DPO, and still nothing. I really do think that this is it.

I had a terrible nights sleep too. This time Zach woke me up at 4:45 am puking and then I couldn't get back to sleep until around 7ish. I took my temp and it is still high, and I was in the middle of a night sweat when we woke. So that was probably why my temp was so high.

Right now I feel as if a truck ran over me, my head is all foggy and I don't have any cramps or lower back pain at all. Strange? I'm all sweaty too. Plus when I finally did fall back asleep I had the most horrible dream. I dreamed that I was having my failed IVF appt with my FS to see where we go from here, and he said, quite frankly there is nothing more I can do! OMG! I was crying in my dream. So I woke up even more disheartened than I was before! Why the horrible bad vivid dreams?

I did come across a website that seemed interesting, but I'm not sure how much faith I would put in it. They are advertising a 'Med Vacation' for single women wanting to do IVF (or IVF with egg donor). For $8799 you get the following:

• All doctor fees associated with services of reproductive endocrinologist, embryologist, and urologist

• Transvaginal egg retrieval

• Donor sperm

• In vitro fertilization and embryo transfer

• Anesthesia fee

• Hotel accommodations for 9 days*

• Visa arrangements and fees if necessary

• Round trip airfare for one from the major airport closest to the patient’s place of residence

So I don't know, it sounds almost too good to be true, plus I'm not entirely sure where it is? I think I read Costa Rica? Plus it doesn't mention medications, or extra things like ICSI (when they insert the sperm into the egg) or Embyro Hatching, etc.

Maybe it is worth looking into though, IDK. I could afford to do that, almost. It is about 1/2 the cost of what it would be here. Unless the meds aren't included and then it wouldn't be much of a savings since the meds for me last month were upwards of $4K.

I know you guys are all going to say.. WAIT. It isn't over until you get the BETA tomorrow. Thing is that from all I have researched, if I do have a positive BETA tomorrow it will likely be a low one, and if that is the case, then it probably isn't viable because at this point it should be close to 300, and if mine were 300 it would undoubtedly show on a FRER!

 

[Grey Eyes]

Hi ladies Thanks for all your words of encouragement- it helps a lot believe me! Yesterday was atough day for me I guess...dh and I had a huge fight last night which is rare for us, maybe the both of us under a lot of stress? What made it worse is it came from something little...I have been working with Kat (my youngest) to learn to, um "hold it", when she has to go- say if we are in the back yard and she says "Mama I gotta GO!" I encourage her to hold it long enough to get in the house to the bathroom, etc, rather than just going in her pants Well, last night one dd was already using the bathroom and Kat said she had to go- I asked her if she could hold it for a minute until T got done and she thought about it and said "Yes." Well, dh started saying "she's gonna go in her pants!" which almost encourages her to do so, and I said "No, it's okay , I'm handling this hon, don't worry about it" and he says I'm NOT handling it then we get to arguing and shouts that I have been a horrible mom, I'm mean to the kids, I'm selfish, he hates the sound of my voice, hates having me around, I'm an awful person bit...I know a lot of it is just anger but still...it was a terrible fight. Anyways....I haven't talked about it to him because I am so upset he did this all in front of both dd's. NOW they have this ammunition, you know- Mom can I have cale? No, honey not know--PAPA! Mom's being mean again...and so on. Just totally weakened my authority with the dd's. So then dh took sleeping tablets to go to sleep, which I thought "great, if I go into labor forget you!" So I stayed up most of the night miserable.

Plus we had a scare yesterday. The girls were playing in our front yard and this guy pulled up in his pickup and started to enter the fence- he had the latch up and the gate open and was asking the girls "Can you help me find my lost little kitten?" We have taught both girls and they did just what they should have done- they screamed loudly and ran into the house! Dh jumped out and asked the guy what he wanted but he ran backwards, jumped into his still running truck and sped off. We called police and they sent 3 officers looking for him. What's scary is his description (dh and I both saw him and Teagen was able to identify a photo) matched one of a sexual predator that lives here locally. Such a close call, I am so proud of the girls!! And so grateful that God watches over us so well.

Sorry to be such a dud-head today, I am still down from our stupid argument so I think I'll go work it off in the garage! Love you ladies and will write more later- I got to back track and read some posts!

 

[alicatt]

Hi ladies Thanks for all your words of encouragement- it helps a lot believe me! Yesterday was atough day for me I guess...dh and I had a huge fight last night which is rare for us, maybe the both of us under a lot of stress? What made it worse is it came from something little...I have been working with Kat (my youngest) to learn to, um "hold it", when she has to go- say if we are in the back yard and she says "Mama I gotta GO!" I encourage her to hold it long enough to get in the house to the bathroom, etc, rather than just going in her pants Well, last night one dd was already using the bathroom and Kat said she had to go- I asked her if she could hold it for a minute until T got done and she thought about it and said "Yes." Well, dh started saying "she's gonna go in her pants!" which almost encourages her to do so, and I said "No, it's okay , I'm handling this hon, don't worry about it" and he says I'm NOT handling it then we get to arguing and shouts that I have been a horrible mom, I'm mean to the kids, I'm selfish, he hates the sound of my voice, hates having me around, I'm an awful person bit...I know a lot of it is just anger but still...it was a terrible fight. Anyways....I haven't talked about it to him because I am so upset he did this all in front of both dd's. NOW they have this ammunition, you know- Mom can I have cale? No, honey not know--PAPA! Mom's being mean again...and so on. Just totally weakened my authority with the dd's. So then dh took sleeping tablets to go to sleep, which I thought "great, if I go into labor forget you!" So I stayed up most of the night miserable.

Plus we had a scare yesterday. The girls were playing in our front yard and this guy pulled up in his pickup and started to enter the fence- he had the latch up and the gate open and was asking the girls "Can you help me find my lost little kitten?" We have taught both girls and they did just what they should have done- they screamed loudly and ran into the house! Dh jumped out and asked the guy what he wanted but he ran backwards, jumped into his still running truck and sped off. We called police and they sent 3 officers looking for him. What's scary is his description (dh and I both saw him and Teagen was able to identify a photo) matched one of a sexual predator that lives here locally. Such a close call, I am so proud of the girls!! And so grateful that God watches over us so well.

Sorry to be such a dud-head today, I am still down from our stupid argument so I think I'll go work it off in the garage! Love you ladies and will write more later- I got to back track and read some posts!

YIKES! That is super scary. Plus to have that horrible fight with your DH. So sorry Coy! I'm sure he didn't mean the things he said, and I'm sure once he realizes what a dufus he was, he will come around and talk to you. I think you need to have a sit down with your DH, and make sure you tow are on the same page with raising the kids, and ask him for support on certain things. He should be able to do more even with his disabilities. Watching the kids and making sure they don't hurt themselves or making breakfast or lunch on occasion should be things he can do to help out once in a while. I agree with BabyWhisperer or TwoToGo? Sorry, my brain is only half working today. One of them said you need to sit down with your DD's and tell them what a big help they are going to be once babes arrives, and how much you need them to help out, and be BIG girls. If you show them how they are going to be involved and let them feel important, they will HOPEFULLY be better behaved and maybe they will even help! A big to you! You will get through this, and you'll see, it will all be wonderful once babes is in your arm!

 

[twotogo]

Ali - this morning I was looking through ff charts of those who have had IVF and found several ladies who didn't get their BFP until 23 DPO. One in particular that I remember still had a negative on 20 DPO, but then finally got her BFP. Don't give up, hun.