"Were you TRYING for a baby?"

[prettybirdy27]

OH and I have been slowly telling more people that we are expecting, and I am absolutely heartbroken that most people that we tell, their reaction is almost always "Oh, were you TRYING for a baby?" instead of saying congrats or being happy for us. I guess I don't understand why this is. We are 27 and 28, we both have stable careers, we own our own home, and we have been married for a year and a half. Even my doctor, upon confirming the pregnancy, cautiously asked "Is pregnant a good thing?"

Every time someone says this to me, I feel like they are implying that we are doing something wrong, or we are too young, or doing something stupid, or were being irresponsible and made a mistake.

There have been a few people, mostly family, that were immediately excited and happy, but I'm starting to get really sad at the reaction of others. Anybody else in this same boat?

 

[Bevziibubble]

I think it is so rude when people ask that question! It is absolutely not their place to ask such a personal question! A few people asked me the first time and I always thought it was a weird and intrusive thing to ask!

 

[Jessicahide]

Because people don't like others to have good news...... I would never ask anyone, no matter their situation if their child was planned, the docs have to ask as they need to know if you would know your dates etc and if you were taking folic acid.

 

[maryanne1987]

I hate it when people do this!! It's so rude!! I understand why doctors ask, but everyone else just no. It's like 'sorry should we have announced we have been trying'. There will always be people who try to ruin happy news. Even if baby wasn't planned I don't see what it's got to do with anyone else, nor does it make the news less special so why bother asking.

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

When i was pregnant with my daughter and i told my doctor i was pregnant and he said 'is it wanted?' I was shocked! I have had people tell me im mad rather than say congrats, i think its awfully rude personally, iv wanted all of my babies and dont think people should even ask such questions

 

[Iren_iren]

I am sorry, but this is inappropriate question
As if they asked - did you have sex without protection?

Dont take these comments seriously and enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[Patsy7]

so rude! i'm expecting a lot of this when we tell people too. don't let it get to you it's not worth the stress! congratulations x

 

[PurpleIvy44]

The only person who asked me if my pregnancy was "a good thing" was the nurse but I think it was because I'm 38 and it may have been unplanned. Don't let them get you down. You should come up with the a good smart ass reply to knock them down a notch.

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

I hate this question! I just found out I'm pregnant last night with my second, and I have a 6 month old son. I'm expecting this question a ton! I already got it from the nurse when I called to make my first prenatal appointment.

 

[mazndave]

I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old, and when we tell people in a few weeks I'm fully expecting to be asked this question A LOT! For the record the answer is no, this pregnancy wasn't planned, but it's nobody's god damn business to even ask us that!

 

[prettybirdy27]

At least my doctor apologized. She is relatively new to the field and she said she used to just burst into the room and yell CONGRATULATIONS!! Until one time it was an unwanted pregnancy, and the patient gave her hell about doing it. Now she just cautiously asks.

 

[crazycatlady5]

Yeah I think doctors usually ask. Mine did. He's pretty much the only one though. I'm surprised so many have experienced this, there must be a lot of rude people out there! I wasn't getting asked a lot about when we were going to have kids, but as I've started telling people everyone says they had kind of guessed or expected we would be soon! And we are similar in age to you - both 29, and have been married just over a year. The only person who asked is my sister in law, but it was after she got all excited and I think because we are close but I never told her we were trying. She also had seen birth control package in our garbage a few months before so had assumed we weren't trying (but it was just there because I take forever to clean out my purse, we had been trying when she saw it haha).

 

[meg_bellamy]

That is so rude, I'm sorry you have experienced that
I have had one person ask 'was it planned' and I think it's because he is not ready for kids and can't understand how I could be haha. Everyone else I have told has been super excited, and had been asking us for a while when we were going to have kids.

However, I am expecting when we make it really public (like on FB) a lot of DH friends are going to be very surprised and shocked as they are young and immature. Anyway, we are the same as you guys, late 20's and married for a couple yrs, own our house etc. Please just try and enjoy your pregnancy and ignore these people. I agree you should try and come up with a good come back to make them see how rude they're being.

And for the record I have had one dr ask 'and is that a good thing' when I said I was pregnant, I would think they would have to be cautious, it would be insensitive to assume it was good news for everyone, as everyone is in a different position.

 

[Elsmummy24]

I agree it is so rude! I'm 5 weeks today and while most people have been really great about the news we have had the odd few people ask if it was planned (we had been trying for 6 month).
My cousin who is 10 weeks pregnant got a text from her nana asking if I was pregnant to copy her!
I think nurses and doctors mainly ask as a precaution rather then just assuming that the pregnancy is a wanted pregnancy!
We had a few people ask if that was the reason we have moved our wedding closer (the baby will be born before our wedding anyway).
take it with a pinch of salt and enjoy your news with the people who want to celebrate!

And congratulations!

 

[Iveneverseen]

I don't think it's right people ask. It's too personal.

 

[Indi84]

I was never asked this! I was 27 dh 31 with our first, married, owned our own place, everyone was pleased!

 

[Jacobnmatty]

Even my ob/gyno asked me when I was preg with #3 if I was with same guy!

 

[Iveneverseen]

Even my ob/gyno asked me when I was preg with #3 if I was with same guy!

Omg how unprofessional.

 

[_jellybean_]

I got this A LOT with my daughter. I'm actually not even sure if there was anyone who didn't ask, since they're 12 months apart.

 

[WW1]

I don't have a problem with medical professionals asking (in a sensitive way). After all, if someone is very unhappy, they may need different support than someone who is over the moon. As for people generally, if it's close friends I've not been bothered (they know how hard it was to conceive DD), anyone else can mind their own business!