What a f***ing NOB

[FierceAngel]

i agree stop access hun.. his mum will prob get involved then and make him give you the money...

tbh id be really pissed off if id let my daughter with someone and then they gave her to someone else! regardless of who it was id want to be asked first!

im fuming for you hun

 

[kaylynn040485]

Laura.

What did he say when he came back? Kx

 

[Laura--x]

He bought her back but i made my aunty meet him because i would ofpunched him if i saw him

He told her that Maisies been crying all day with ehr teeth and apparently a tooths coming through...

We cant feel a tooth at all :/ 5 people have checked from mine and not one can feel it!

 

[starbucks101]

what did your auntie say about you stopping access to FOB? did you let him know you were serious after he'd dropped her off?

 

[Laura--x]

MY family have all advised me too just see how it goes. Ive told him hes not seeing her untill i get her money backpaid which is supposed to be tuesday.

I dont know what to do. I want to stop his access, but my family have said aslong as he pays his money he should see her really?

 

[starbucks101]

the problem you have is that legally child support and access arent related... I he wants to see the bubba then he can with or without paying child support, thats how the courts in this country will see it. Although the chances of him taking you to court are minimal... However i would say with the fact i'm guessing your benefit is being reduced by £12 a week i would temp stop access to make him realise its not a game. get back onto the CSA and tell them hes not paying etc... let them send him a letter and it will probably put the willies up him!

But if you make the threat you have to follow through or he will walk all over you xxx

 

[Laura--x]

I was just so angry today when he told me he was going on a driving lesson! He normally has them on sundays so i dont know why he had it today. I was so angry that his mum was left with her i just wanted her home with me! Then my parents said shes still maisies nan too and has a right to see her so i dunno???

I just feel like im being the selfish one. I want her all to myself. I dont want him having anything to do with her, but he is her dad afterall?

I dunno. What would you girls do? I dont want him to have her anymore than he does!

 

[DizzyMoo]

Tbh hun i'd tell him unless he pays he isn't seeing her, Ok a dad doesn't pay to see their child but sometimes when they take the piss like he obviously is then it has to be done.
I would most certainly go through the csa, I'd never trust a bio ever full stop.
If he refuses to give you the £32 then he has to buy £32 worth of what she needs NOT what he thinks she wants/needs & he also has to keep receipts to prove he's paid for them. So for now if he still isn't willing to pay for her tell him what you need ie .. what size nappies, which wipes etc. At least he is providing exactly what she needs.

Tbh hun i think you need to tell him he is not having her until he pulls his socks up & provides for her, & if this means his mum can not see her then tough shit, she might actually have words with him then. Or if you can be mature about it ring her & invite her to see your lo at your house without him then she is still getting to see her & wont see you as a cowbag if you get me. Put your foot down! xx

 

[Laura--x]

Well now we've arranged that hes going to buy the highchair and cosey toes for the pram which adds up to £90 ( ive chose what ones shes having!) and ive told him he has to give me £60 on top of that, then carry on with £32 a week from then.

ive told him hes not seeing her untill ive recieved the stuff hes buying and the money. Is that fair?

 

[DizzyMoo]

I was just so angry today when he told me he was going on a driving lesson! He normally has them on sundays so i dont know why he had it today. I was so angry that his mum was left with her i just wanted her home with me! Then my parents said shes still maisies nan too and has a right to see her so i dunno???

I just feel like im being the selfish one. I want her all to myself. I dont want him having anything to do with her, but he is her dad afterall?

I dunno. What would you girls do? I dont want him to have her anymore than he does!

Yes they are right she is still his nan but that doesn't mean he is allowed to pick her up & not tell you what's happening with her. What he should of done is picked her up & said " i have a driving lesson, would you mind my mum having her for that hour " .. You need to know where your daughter is & you assumed she was with him which she wasn't which is wrong.

 

[DizzyMoo]

Well now we've arranged that hes going to buy the highchair and cosey toes for the pram which adds up to £90 ( ive chose what ones shes having!) and ive told him he has to give me £60 on top of that, then carry on with £32 a week from then.

ive told him hes not seeing her untill ive recieved the stuff hes buying and the money. Is that fair?

Yep i say that's ok , thing is if he's telling you he can't afford to pay you how can he afford to buy her the stuff? I'd be asking if he's just pulling your leg to try get away with not paying. Sneaky get .

 

[Laura--x]

Thats why i was so annoyed! He could of informed me when i told him i wanted her back at 4, not later text me saying he'll bring her back at 5 because he has a driving lesson!

 

[Laura--x]

The other thing that annoyed me was that he hadno money to giveher today, yet he had £20 for his driving lesson?!?!

Ok, hes been working for 5 weeks and hasnt been paid. But he works half day every saturday and gets £30, and she hasnt had a penny of that??

Gr!

 

[helen1234]

hun i'd stop all access till further notice. she's been crying all day for her mum and not her teeth thats what i'd tell him, you dictate what happens with her.

and if he's got money for a driving lesson then that should have gone in your pocket, he sounds just like my daughters dad a complete cock know it all DAVE these men do my head in. you got to put your foot down show him who's boss or you'll never get his respect.

if he can't bring her back when you ask then she doesnt go at all, she's too young to be messed about with.

hope you get it sorted

 

[Bee26]

I'd tell him to fuck right off!! Your the one who looks after your child on a day to day basis, I'd tell him he can fight you through the court if he wants access and you'll see what he's made of. What an idiot. Hope your ok. My FOB is a knob too so I know where your coming from x

 

[kaylynn040485]

Laura i think as long as he keeps to what you have agreed and gives u the money/highchair/cosytoes then he sould get to c maisie, like u have said he is still her dad! If i were u i would arrange a standing order with the bank or something so that its done and u dont need to ask him for the money and make it clear to him that when he takes maisie under no circumstances has she to be given to anyone else without your permission. Think as long as u make it all very clear (maybe even make up a written agreement) then the second he defaults on it u can go down the court/csa route! Think your being very mature about it all though! Kx

 

[starbucks101]

at the end of the day as hard as it is, he is her dad and he is entitled to see her and he is entitled to see her on a sliding scale of access going up and up and techincally he is entitled to have M, 50% of the time. However we all know this is not how it works.

You also have to remember that you are using your daughter as a pawn in this. if he turned round to a solicitor and said that your stopping access untill he pays up even though he's not getting paid, you would start to find things going his way in court and that could potentially tarnish you throughout the case.

Yes his mum is entitled to have her too, and she should be allowed to have her whilst he goes off for his driving lesson because thats is his and his families only time with her. If he chooses to waste it going off for an hour thats his choice... unfortunatly.

Its hard as a mum because you've got that lioness insticnt to protect your young, but sometimes you might just end up hurting her yourself.

I think what you've done this time is the right descision you've put your foot down and showed him that he needs to respect that your her main carer and you wont be messed around, but i wouldnt do it again after this time because it will start messing up the relationship between them and it wont be him thats messing it up if you get what i mean...

Hope you get it all sorted soon hun xx

 

[purpledahlia]

I dont understand why his mum cant ring u up herself if she lives so close.. why cant she just come over one eve a week or whatever to see maisie in your house? with you!

I do agree if thats his familys time to see her, if he wastes it then his problem... BUT he SHOULD of told you who /when / where, maisie was at all times of the visit.BEFOREHAND.

 

[xxannxx]

AArrgghh, i so hate men like this. It sounds exactly like my ex, for 1st year i had LO we had preivate arrangement like this, and like this, he usually never got paid on time, correct amount, and even put LO off til he paid for nights out, weekends away, etc. He then said he didn't trust that i was spending money on LO (he thinks that money i earn is enough to take care of LO and i was using his money for enjoying myself, lol) so opened a bank account where he says he put the money every month (i have never seen proof of this, and doubt that it exists). Only this year, my LO is now 3 i finally went to CSA and am having money deducted from his wages, however, he is now cutting hours, etc.
I would say stick to your guns about this now hun, the longer you let him get away with it the further he'll push it. I think that if he doesn't give you the money Tuesday i would stop contact this weekend, now u've made the threat you have to follow it through, hopefully the shame of telling his family why he's missing contact will give him a shock, and make him realise that your serious.

 

[purpledahlia]

I think it will boil down to HOW you say this to him.. how you approach it. if your very fair and lighthearted about it and say it in a way that cant annoy him.. a really friendly happy way... ( i know its hard to imagine ) but he cant argue with it if anything he will feel bad.. but if you jump down his throught and say it really agressive then he will get defensive and aggressive aswell..