What do I do?

[SarahBear]

(only read first post)

I suppose I would have come at it different from the start. You've told her she has a dad which tells her that he's out there and she's missing out. In reality, he hasn't been there for her, so she really doesn't have a dad. I would have told her that she doesn't have a dad. I'd explain that most kids have one, but some families have just a mom. I'd also explain other family structures such as some families having just a dad and other families having two moms or two dads. If explained this at 3, she likely would just accept it rather than ask "why." At this point, however, I don't know... Maybe explain that since he doesn't know her, he isn't really a daddy the same way her friends dads are their dads??? And reiterate the family that she DOES have and then make plans to see them? Does she have an uncle that can serve as a father figure type person?

 

[SarahBear]

Oh, and I wouldn't contact him if I were you. If he hasn't been there in the last 6 years, I wouldn't want her to meet him, think he was going to be there for her, and then leave or hurt her emotionally in some way.

 

[SophiasMummy]

(only read first post)

I suppose I would have come at it different from the start. You've told her she has a dad which tells her that he's out there and she's missing out. In reality, he hasn't been there for her, so she really doesn't have a dad. I would have told her that she doesn't have a dad. I'd explain that most kids have one, but some families have just a mom. I'd also explain other family structures such as some families having just a dad and other families having two moms or two dads. If explained this at 3, she likely would just accept it rather than ask "why." At this point, however, I don't know... Maybe explain that since he doesn't know her, he isn't really a daddy the same way her friends dads are their dads??? And reiterate the family that she DOES have and then make plans to see them? Does she have an uncle that can serve as a father figure type person?

Sorry no as someone whose dad wasn't there growing up if my mum had told me I didn't have a dad I would've been beyond upset with her when I found out the truth. I don't mind stretching the truth when I say he doesn't see her because he lives far away because that will not come back to bite me but I couldn't tell my child they don't have a dad.

I do the whole emphasis on all the family she has that do see her and love her and that she doesn't need her dad really because she's got us and we love her more than anyone and she does accept that most of time and even says to me she doesn't need her dad because she has the best Mummy who loves her more than anyone.

I think the problem is actually my daughters best friend. I thought she'd stopped but found out a couple days ago that her friend is still asking about my LOs dad asking if she wants to see him etc which is obviously upsetting her, so I'm going to have a word with her parents and ask them to speak to her.

 

[RaspberryK]

I agree with SarahBear, she doesn't have a dad, she has a biological father but not a daddy.
I'm not sure how you explain the difference appropriately with a 6 year old but I'd take it from that angle.
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