What happens now?

[MinnieMcMoose]

Hi all,

I've not really got anyone to talk to about everything that's been going on recently, at least, I haven't got anyone who can understand, so hopefully there's someone here who understands what I'm going through.

I have a gorgeous 8 year old daughter and have been itching for a second baby for about 6 years. Hubby has only been ready for the last 2 years, so I had 4 years of waiting before we even started trying!
We conceived DD whilst using contraception so it never occurred to us that we'd have problems the second time. But after 2 years, monthly opks's, uterus and ovary scans and a hysteroscopy, a simple SA has come back with slightly reduced motility but significantly reduced count. Hubby says doctor told him 8 million but I'm not sure if that was per ml or the whole count?!
Apparently I was supposed to have gone along to the appointment but they didn't tell us that so I'm just relying on what he's said. They've said his work place (hot environment where he has to wear layers of protective clothing) is probably to blame.

Hubby has barely said a word about it since we had the results. I've repeatedly asked how he's feeling and shall we have a chat and try and find out our options but he won't talk about it until we've had a second test (he's started taking zinc and selenium in the meantime). His ego is so bruised that all he's interested in is himself at the moment and hasn't once asked me how I feel about it all.

And the truth is that I'm filled with mixed emotions. Absolute devastation that my life isn't going to be what I thought it would be, failure because we can't give our DD the sibling she longs for, guilt because some people can't have any children so I should be content that I've at least got one. I've got a lovely family, husband and beautiful girl, I'm healthy, got a decent job. But I just can't feel happy - I'm just so sad and don't know how to accept that this is how it is

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through - I've been through the exact same thing and feel EXACTLY what you said in your last para... It is so hard and something you don't see coming.

I think it's a good idea to wait and see what the 2nd SA is like as they really can vary HUGELY from time to time. At least then you will have a better understanding and you can go with your DH to the Dr's this time and ask a bunch of questions...

It is so hard to deal with because it is such a blow to the male ego... and generally I have found they do shut down but over time I'm sure he will come around and realise there are options out there.

I'm part of a great thread full of lovely ladies going through Secondary Infertility so if you want to talk etc please join. In the meantime all I can really send for now are some big hugs and to let you know you are definitely not alone .

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/secondary-infertility/1982373-35-trying-2-19-months-am-alone.html

 

[MinnieMcMoose]

Thank you for your reply! It's so nice to have someone understand.

One of my friends actually laughed when I told her about it, and said it's really ironic when I think about how long I was on bc in the past! And a couple have said, well never mind, at least you have DD. I like to think I wouldn't be so insensitive, but hey ho!

I know DH was very anxious when he had his SA. The hospital didn't even have a special room, they just sent him to the toilets and there were men coming back and forth going about their business whilst he was in the cubicle!! He did say at the time that it didn't seem normal (sorry, tmi, but he said it looked waterier than usual) so I'm clinging to the hope that it was just a one off odd sample. But then each period reminds me that if everything was fine, why aren't we getting pregnant?!?

Thanks for your understanding and letting me vent. I'll join you ladies over on the other forum x