What kind of insensitive things were said to you?

[wantabean2]

My son was born at 38weeks and we got told there was only the smallest chance he would make it through the night. I ran to find the bounty photographer woman as I wanted a professional photo done of him. She done pics in the unit all the time. When I asked her reply was that I had to "wait and see if he made it first" what????!!! On our rooming in after he was out the unit I had a student midwife start going balisitc at me as my son had a dummy. Calling me a horrendous mum etc. I informed her that the nnicu had given him a dummy to help with his suck and swallow reflex. She just stared and the said "that's alright then".
My youngest who was premature got "aww he's not even that small, he doesn't look premature" from someone the day he was born. Emm..... A simple congrats should have been fine cheers.

Some people are just clueless :/

Xxx

 

[muffingirl]

My mil did impressions of my baby girls cries as the doctors tried to insert yet another needle into her tiny veins, saying 'oh she's so quiet'. Could've tipped me over the edge!

 

[sunnylove]

This has to take the cake for me! At lunch with dh's family I was talking about how DH and I went skiing when I was about 3 months pregnant. I stayed on the bunny hill and didn't ski for very long. Then my MIL said "I bet now after know what happened, you wouldn't have done that." Nice. Thanks.

 

[Meli_H]

Hi ladies!

I have a few that haven't been mentioned yet.

first, when diagnosed with incompetent cervix and PROM 22+3, my ob gyn said "don't worry. U can try again and we will do a cerclage". Wtf?? I DON'T CARE about another future baby. I care about this one I carrying right now!! Please let's concentrate on saving this one!

My mil telling me, and telling DH to also tell me to "stay strong and don't cry at his bedside" wtf?? I just had a baby, my hormones are all over, that's enough to make one cry, not to mention my baby is FIGHTING for his life! Seriously. ., not to mention SHE would cry at his bedside for the longest time. Hypocrite!

oh yah, mil and Sil also complained to DH that I "didn't seem to be in a mood to talk or visit" when they came to NICU to meet baby. Umm, u are correct. Forgive me for not being a wonderful hostess while my baby is fighting for his life, and everyday we get horrible news about his increasingly worse condition (during the first 5 weeks of NICU)

Wow...I feel better now having vented

 

[sunnylove]

Meli, I can totally relate. Ugh. My MIL always complained to my husband that whenever she visited I didn't talk much. Really? Maybe it's because of your stupid, ignorant, asinine comments or the fact that I'm going through something you don't understand in the slightest. My DH always told her "Mom, you are not going to win that argument." She always complained about not feeling "welcomed" when she visited LO in the NICU. Really?! NO ONE SHOULD BE WELCOMED INTO A NICU. It's a place no one should have to go to!!!

 

[Meli_H]

Sunny,

Thank goodness DH shut both his sister and his mom down REAL quick. He told them "it's not about anyone except Xzavier. Get over it or else just don't come visit. We don't need the drama".
They sulked for a few days then came back and haven't tried to pull that stunt again

 

[Jes.shortcake]

While my son was in the NICU I had to return to work till he came home and one of my co workers was like..."I told you pregnant women can't eat that much salt" excuse me? What the hell does HELLP Syndrome have to do with salt? Not only that, but I mostly had salads for lunch when I was pregnant (bc that's just what I wanted all the time) so exactly what salt are you referring to?

My son was in the NICU passed his due date and I kept having to hear people ask why he's still in there and since he's over 5 lbs he should come home. Let the doctors do their job and don't make comments about something you don't understand. He had several complications and set backs.

My mil was just annoying. She would be at the NICU saying things like 'did u talk to the doctor about this or that', 'hold his head'(seriously lady? Lol), 'put his diaper cream on' when changing him (he developed a bad diaper rash bc he was pooping allll day due to a cow milk protein allergy he developed). I'm already on edge so please just be quiet lol. Quit hovering and just come visit and fuss over how cute he is like a normal grandma. I remember one friday we met them at the hospital and it was a long week for me and my husband. We weren't in a good mood and just wanted to see our son and his mom was just talking and talking and I guess we weren't chipper enough for her bc she got all pissy and was like 'why aren't y'all talking much to me'...Lady, I'm visiting my son in the NICU..I don't want to talk to anyone right now.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

Also we would get excited when he smiled and she would say every time 'he's not smiling that's just gas'. Can we just pretend he's smiling because he knows mommy and daddy are here and enjoy our moment? Seriously

 

[Meli_H]

Jes,

your coworker and especially your mother in law sound like real jerks. Sorry. Hopefully ur relationship withur mil is back to normal?

 

[Jes.shortcake]

Well now she tries to tell us how to take care of him at home. I told my husband that this needs to stop because if I end up saying something it won't be pretty.

 

[Meli_H]

Jes,

How annoying that u still have to hold your tongue!

 

[JJKCB]

the most hurtful one for me was from the midwife who wrote in my notes:

'mother uninterested, not interacticting with child or feeding child - likely abandonment'

it was later removed from my records but it drove me mad (never been so angry and upset at the same time)

I didnt hold my DS at birth because he was still born and revived and I hemorrhaged badly (had 6 emergency blood transfusions and blacked out) sorry if my unconsciousness seemed like lack of interest but I was busy dieing, also feeding refereed to breastfeeding which I physically couldn't do as my milk didn't come in until a week later... as for abandoned my son was NEVER away from me, he was the only child that never spent any time in the nursery at all and I did everything bathing, changing, bottle feeding

when I tried to contest it they originally said 'postnatal depression' and tried to make me look mad until I proved my son never left my side

they also commented multiple times on how unprepared we where... sorry we thought I had a month left so when my waters (well jelly actually) violently exploded out of me and the hospital was 40 mins away though a blizzard I didn't think ill just pop to the shop and buy nappies ffs

 

[JJKCB]

Also we would get excited when he smiled and she would say every time 'he's not smiling that's just gas'. Can we just pretend he's smiling because he knows mommy and daddy are here and enjoy our moment? Seriously

I hated that too... just let us be happy

 

[Meli_H]

JJKCB,

Wow...those midwives were ridiculous! !

 

[JJKCB]

JJKCB,

Wow...those midwives were ridiculous! !

unfortunately I dont think im a one off either... Ive met others with the exact same stories of the exact same midwifes (we even compared red books)

I though the maternity ward was empty due to the blizzard (only 4 people in 1 week) but apparently no one will go there anymore and I dont blame them... I wont go back

 

[Foxybabyhg3]

This is a screen shot of one of my friends comments and my response on my Facebook announcement. I was actually very restrained. I wanted to cap lock her to death!

 

[Meli_H]

This is a screen shot of one of my friends comments and my response on my Facebook announcement. I was actually very restrained. I wanted to cap lock her to death!

Some people are SOOO CLUELESS! !

 

[3xscharmer]

I got asked by MIL if the doctors knew if they were going to make it yet and she asked every day for the first couple of weeks....ummm, thanks for pointing out my children might not live, really needed all that positivity. I also currently get asked "when will you know if they're normal"...really ppl! If I'm in a bad mood, I'll ask them to define normal, if I'm in a good mood I'll tell them that it can take 2 years to diagnose any conditions they may or may not have. I mean seriously, who does that? I don't walk up to random ppl or ppl I know and ask them if their children have any sort of developmental delays!

 

[JJKCB]

I got asked by MIL if the doctors knew if they were going to make it yet and she asked every day for the first couple of weeks....ummm, thanks for pointing out my children might not live, really needed all that positivity. I also currently get asked "when will you know if they're normal"...really ppl! If I'm in a bad mood, I'll ask them to define normal, if I'm in a good mood I'll tell them that it can take 2 years to diagnose any conditions they may or may not have. I mean seriously, who does that? I don't walk up to random ppl or ppl I know and ask them if their children have any sort of developmental delays!

normal???
whats normal?

I was over a week overdue when I was born and I have developmental problems which before years of therapy where classified as severe (which wasn't discovered until I was 9 years old) and my cousin who was also full term was diagnosed with the same condition at 7 years old and my uni friend who was born at 26 weeks also has the same condition...

where as developmental problems are increased in preemies its just as easy to have them full term and its perfectly 'normal' and can be pretty common really, tell them where to shove it they clearly have no idea lol

 

[MommyGrim]

This is a screen shot of one of my friends comments and my response on my Facebook announcement. I was actually very restrained. I wanted to cap lock her to death!

I had my baby shower at 32w (I had the twins 2 weeks later) and one of my friends made the comment that SHE wanted my babies to come early so she could meet them I was also stressing out since I kept feeling like they were going to come soon and that definitely didn't help. I just said "Well, I would like them to keep cooking for A LOT longer!" Took everything I had not to scream at her!
Her youngest brother was a 26-weeker, so I would think she would understand not wanting a baby born early!