What NOT to say a few days after someone has had a mc

[cheeselover]

I know people are often shocked and don't know what to say after someone has had a mc but these were from a close family members and I only had my d and c on Tuesday!!!!

"Do you think all your stress (over the polyp I had) caused it?"

"Well, its only your first pregnancy/mc...Aunty ***** had 3, imagine how that feels!".

Amazing. Anyone else had some crackers like this?

 

[Carley]

I hate hearing 'I'm so sorry' It gets old when EVERYONE says it...

 

[toot]

yes when i had my m/c someone came up to me and say that they were sorry then they asked if we were still going to ttc. what the F*** why would would anyone ask that? Some people don't think befor they speak.

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Oh geez, the things people have said to me. Someone even suggested it was a sign from god, and that was one of the nicer things they said to me. It's one thing to be inarticulate or unsure of what to say, it's another to be downright hateful, which is what I got.

Oh how about, "A baby would have ruined your life [so thank god you miscarried]."

 

[Abbys_Mummy]

Hmmm i lost my daughter it wasn`t a m/c she was born at full term but ppl kept asking me `how are you are you ok` are that makes me so angry

 

[Carley]

That makes me angry. I've always said I'd rather miscarry then lose another child at 24 weeks. No one else understands that.

 

[Abbys_Mummy]

i don`t think it matters when you lose the child it hurts either way but the more you know the baby the more you feel you have lost if that makes sense

 

[Carley]

I think for me it is because you don't have to see your child fight for life, fight for every breath.

 

[Abbys_Mummy]

i had a baby that was born full term she couldn`t swallow so i had to watch her been suctioned out through her nose and mouth and she kept getting sick and knowing for 3mnths she wasn`t going to be with me for very long

 

[Carley]

Do you have any idea why she couldn't? That must have been hard!

 

[Abbys_Mummy]

it was a major birth defect they could never tell me why

 

[Malingo]

When I m/c Someone told me 'it's a blssing in disguise' in an inappropriately cheery voice..I then got bombarded with you didnt lose a baby. and it wasnt meant to be. x

 

[Abbys_Mummy]

I hate when people say that it is so old oh it wasn`t meant to be arrrh stupid people

 

[polo_princess]

When my cousin miscarried a woman at the hospital, she didnt work for the hospital, proceeded to tell her she must of done something really bad as this was gods way of punishing her.

Its shocking how in sensitive some people can be!!

 

[anita665]

I hate it when people tell you they think it's caused by your stress because then it just makes you blame yourself. I also hate it when people tell you stories about people who've m/c loads as if to say your pain is nothing in comparison.

 

[honeybunch2k7]

When I m/c Someone told me 'it's a blssing in disguise' in an inappropriately cheery voice..I then got bombarded with you didnt lose a baby. and it wasnt meant to be. x

Gd I hate that! What the heck is wrong with people?

 

[Gatorade]

I was told pretty much everything in ths thread when I m/c. It's a blessing, it's probably better this way, you weren't far along so it's "OKAY"...

I understand that it's hard to know what to say, so I'm not upset over past sorries. There's nothing that can be said to make it better.

 

[Nic-Flowers]

My fiance's sister looked at the pictures of our son, (m/c but delivered at 18 weeks) a few hours after I got out of the hospital and she just tossed them on the table and said "thats so gross" I tried to hit her...

 

[cheeselover]

My fiance's sister looked at the pictures of our son, (m/c but delivered at 18 weeks) a few hours after I got out of the hospital and she just tossed them on the table and said "thats so gross" I tried to hit her...

Oh my word!!! Did she apologise afterwards???

 

[Mynxie]

"you wouldn't have coped anyway, with being disabled"