What NOT to say a few days after someone has had a mc

[MrsF]

one of the first things i heard on thurs was 'well, at least you know you can get pregnant' it took me 2 and a half years to get that BFP in the first place - i dont want to hear that at the minute...

having read this thread, i'm so angry that people dont stop and think about what they say. i would rather people around me say 'i havent a clue how you feel, or any advice' and let me just sob.

some people are rude-swearing-words-i-cant-type-here.
thankfully, BnB people are not! x x x

 

[maddiwatts19]

one of the first things i heard on thurs was 'well, at least you know you can get pregnant' it took me 2 and a half years to get that BFP in the first place - i dont want to hear that at the minute...

having read this thread, i'm so angry that people dont stop and think about what they say. i would rather people around me say 'i havent a clue how you feel, or any advice' and let me just sob.

some people are rude-swearing-words-i-cant-type-here.
thankfully, BnB people are not! x x x

Totally agree with you hun!!
xxxxx

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I hate the 'maybe its for the best' thing too!! How is it??? grrr
But tbh, i think what 'the bitch' said to me just tops it all rele!! spiteful cow!!.
If u havent read my thread, my future BIL's now ex gf is 6 months pregnant, and altho we werent talking about her or being pregnant, she chirped up with, " i love being pregnant. Oh you'll be this big soon maddi, oh wait, sorry i forgot, no u wont, you lost another baby didnt you!".
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Wuuuuuut??? *jaw drops* Do I need to fly to England and whoop some azz???

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Hehe!! Yes ofcourse you can!!
Thank you!!.
Shes a bad mother anyway!! Grrr!!!

Sleepinbeauty, i'm 19 and ive had all the "you were ruining your life anyway" with my first miscariage, so i completely understand what you mean!

xx

I'm sorry, I got that,too. Whatever happened to if you don't have anything nice to say, STFU?

 

[Gabi]

I hate the 'maybe its for the best' thing too!! How is it??? grrr
But tbh, i think what 'the bitch' said to me just tops it all rele!! spiteful cow!!.
If u havent read my thread, my future BIL's now ex gf is 6 months pregnant, and altho we werent talking about her or being pregnant, she chirped up with, " i love being pregnant. Oh you'll be this big soon maddi, oh wait, sorry i forgot, no u wont, you lost another baby didnt you!".
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Say what?!? Bitch! That's really spiteful of her. That's disgusting!

 

[charliesmom]

I’m going through a mc right now and in a way this thread was really entertaining and got my mind off of the mc even if a for a few minutes, but holy shit! I can’t believe some of the things that people will say!


Like the card that sayd "to think this time next year you will be a happy family of 3!" I would have punched her in the stomach right then and there!

 

[bethyb]

hey ladies,
iva had two missed miscarriages one in nov 07 and one in march 08 and since then two positive tests (the early ones) that led to nothing - i came on as usual so i was pregnant but i guess they just didnt stick from the beginning.
So had some very low points over the last year but i feel differently than some of u ladies..
I guess my way of coping is that i was blessed with my babies and for that im truly grateful they can never be a mistake or something not meant to be as they will always be in my heart but i do think they were my angels not meant for life, i dont need whys ill now. (ive been tested and nothing shows up) I think people who havnet had a miscarriage doesnt know the sheer amount of hurting that goes on and me personally my emotions were all over the place so everyone was going to say the wrong thing as what is the right thing to say? if i heard im sorry.. i cried whatever people said. yes people said some stupid things but i guess i wish i had thier ignorance instead i see into ur pain too cuz i felt it first hand and it tough and every pregnancy is then for me placed in gods hands as i know i cant control what happens. and i pray ill be given another batch of stretch marks soon

 

[bethyb]

also as to the horrible comments ive read just shows how strong we can be in dealing with these hurtful things on top of losing our babies! ignorance and cruelty really!

 

[Totally Mommy]

favorite I got

"Well at least it was still early so you weren't so attached"

This was said just because I found out only days before miscarrying.

 

[tillymum]

It's unbelieveable what people say and how insensitive they can be....

For what it's worth I had a few myself.....

One of my 'best' friends said that it probably happened because I was travelling at the time! Thanks that really made me feel better for pointing out that it was all my fault!!!
Then she went onto say that we were better off as it would give ourselves more time to set ourselves up after moving back home!!

More recently one of my DH's friends who knew about my mc said to another friend .... in my company ... "Well at least we are able to have children" I was so stunned I was unable to say anything!! I was having mc#2 at the time. This wasn't directed at me but it bloody hurt!

For all those who say 'At least you know you can get pregnant'' yes but I don't know whether my body will let me carry a baby full term ...Big difference!!

 

[cleckner04]

I didn't get a chance to read through all these yet but I wanted to share my experience. My best friend whom has a baby that was born on the same due date as my baby was supposed to be(So I was sad about talking to her in the first place), said "well at least you still have your dog." I have no previous children and this was my first pregnancy. All I have ever wanted in my life is to be a mom and now I realize it might not happen and this is what I get from my friend for support. LOL! I love my dog but even I know she is just a dog.

 

[shadowsilk]

I didn't get a chance to read through all these yet but I wanted to share my experience. My best friend whom has a baby that was born on the same due date as my baby was supposed to be(So I was sad about talking to her in the first place), said "well at least you still have your dog." I have no previous children and this was my first pregnancy. All I have ever wanted in my life is to be a mom and now I realize it might not happen and this is what I get from my friend for support. LOL! I love my dog but even I know she is just a dog.

a dog is nice. But having a dog around doesnt substitute for a child.
Thats for sure. .

 

[Ju_bubbs]

The worst one for me so far has been
"atleast you already have 3 kids"
GRRRRR yes i know that, and i know i am very lucky to have 3 kids already but that doesn't make it any less painfull to lose a baby!

And, "well you were only 4 weeks, it wasn't even a baby yet"
Yes, i know this too, but it WAS growing in me and WOULD have been my bloody baby!!!!

I really wish some people would just say nothing at all.

 

[shadowsilk]

The worst one for me so far has been
"atleast you already have 3 kids"
GRRRRR yes i know that, and i know i am very lucky to have 3 kids already but that doesn't make it any less painfull to lose a baby!

And, "well you were only 4 weeks, it wasn't even a baby yet"
Yes, i know this too, but it WAS growing in me and WOULD have been my bloody baby!!!!

I really wish some people would just say nothing at all.

i get that alot too.
I had a miscarriage last march so.
" But you already have 2 beautiful kids, why want more" because I love having children, and I want 4 kids, whats it to ya, right?
Lol.
and the it was only suchandsuch weeks one, I get that too.
I'm like who cares. I was excited, and now it's dying inside of me, step off. LOL

 

[Hevz]

Rachael was born at 24wks and lived for 17 hours and Thomas was born at 34wks and lived for 28wks.


Blimey...if I only had enough time to write down all the insensitive things that have been said to me.....

You are young, you can have another

Maybe you were too young and your body couldn't cope with pregnancy

At least now you can go to college

Are you gonna try again soon?

It may be ok next time


With Thomas, my friend was due the day after me....she drank and smoked like a trooper and complained the whole way though her pregnancy even though I'd lost Thomas.
She said she wanted me to be her baby's godmother....when she got her Christened, she didn't ask me.

At the Christening, she found me crying in the toilets and said

"everything happens for a reason"
I mean WTFhow would she bloody well like it if her babies had died in her arms and she had nothing to show for it apart from a few pics.


The same "friend" said to my hubby that I was "out of order" for giving Thomas my name and putting it on the headstone. Erm....it was my baby too and he was known as baby Lievesley for his short life in the hospital....why the hell shouldn't I give him my name????? Hubby didn't bother in the slightest about it anyway



Oh yeah, also I got pregnant the month after losing Thomas (not planned) and everyone kept saying

Awww, it'll be fine this time

I'm glad you got pregnant so quick, it'll help

At least you've got something to look forward to....etc


And yep....I too had a couple of people say about my picture of Rachael

"is she dead there?"

....as if you need to ask as she's lay in a little moses basket with a blanket and a teddy...at 1lb 10ozs she would have been in an incubator with monitors, wires and a ventilator obviously when she was alive (those pics are more upsetting though I think)

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

after my first all i got was:

your young.. itl happen dont worry everyone has them..

after my second all i got was

your still soooo young.

it was stress from OH going away..

you worry to much people go threw worse..[/COLOR]
after my 3rd

o well wasnt your time.. maybe next time..

4th time: *after they knew summat was wrong*

o well atleast your getting help

atleast u didnt give birth

your body isnt ready yet

god isnt ready to give you a baby yet..

the list goes on

 

[v2007]

On the day Taylor died, my sister clled me and said are you gonna have another.

I hadnt even delivered Taylor at that point.

My sister lives in a world where she drinks tea all day, thinks the bloke shud go out and wrk and kids are to be had just for the benefits.

Sadly i live in the real world where babies die through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo natal death.

Cos im now pregnant with Spud she thinks ill be ok and when this 1 is born ill be 'over' Taylor and my life will be fucking hunky dory!!!

''U will be fine'' is another belter, what a ppl psychic now??!!

Sorry for swearing.

V x x x

 

[Hevz]

Cos im now pregnant with Spud she thinks ill be ok and when this 1 is born ill be 'over' Taylor and my life will be fucking hunky dory!!!

''U will be fine'' is another belter, what a ppl psychic now??!!

Sorry for swearing.

V x x x

That's the sort of comments I had when pregnant with Thomas, my 2nd baby....and no, he wasn't alright was he?

Strangely enough people still said it when I was pregnant with Lauren....they can be sooooooooooo stupid Luckily Lauren was ok and people would still say

"I knew she'd be ok"

Idiots, aren't they.



People still say to me "well you've got 3 gorgeous children and another on the way"

Yes, I know that and I love them all dearly and know I'm very lucky to have them but 3 healthy babies out of 6 previous pregnancies isn't brilliant odds is it, all I can do is hope and pray "Smudge" will be born healthy and at term.


I will be thinking positive thoughts for you and "Spud" too V

 

[WelshGirl]

Have only just seen this thread...

My 1st son William was stillborn at 28 wks.....and the thing that bugged me the most was when I overheard (they had no idea I was there & could hear them) someone at work saying "What's she making such a fuss for, it was only a miscarriage".

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a mc isn't heartbreaking, but they just didn't get the fact that I had to go through labor, that i got to hold my little boy etc......it really upsets me that people don't get the fact that William looked just like any other tiny baby boy. It constantly breaks my heart that no-one outside of my family will even acknowledge that he existed.....that people don't get the fact that I am still a mummy, that William is & always will be my son....

Other than that, it's just the usual

It obviously wasn't meant to be. IT????!!!! Why can't they even say 'HE'.

Now I am pg again, so many people say Oh it's bound to be ok this time. Really?!?! Have they got a crystal ball, have they?!?!

Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!!! Why can't these people think before they open their big, stupid mouths??!!!

xxx

 

[SJK]

all i had last month was,
it was gods way, something wasnt right or there'll be plenty more or
its as well you werent further on