What scares you?

[Mya209]

Hi girls
Making the decision to stop preventing (ultimately allowing ourselves to get pregnant) has been a roller coaster for me. It's a huge decision which affects my career, changes my life/ relationship with OH, gives us less freedom and money. I'm also scared of being pregnant and telling people, seeing my body change and giving birth.
Ultimately I'm so excited about having a baby with OH and I want this so much, have wanted it for a long time, but that doesn't take away the fears.

What are you all worried/scared about when it comes to taking the plunge?

 

[kizzyt]

I know exactly what you mean, and I think it's so easy to put obstacles in the way (job, money etc). I met my OH when we were both 32 but I think I can honestly say if we were 4/5 years younger we probably would wait a little while, I am just conscious of the fact that I am 35 this year and it's going to be harder. It's not that I am not ready or dont want a baby yet, I do, I would just love us to have had more time together for nice holidays etc before we become a proper family, or even to have got married first but saving for a baby is taking priority over a wedding

 

[SarahJane]

For me the most frightening thing is finding out I can't have kids. The rest is all just material and although I have a very successful career, I would give it up tomorrow if there was a choice.

 

[Mya209]

It is a huge decision isn't it!? You have to just do it I think as there will always be fears. My career is so important to me and I'm just starting out so I'll be battling to be a career mum which lots of my OH's family don't understand why I'd want to do that. I know I'd cope with a baby. Have had practice with nieces and nephews.

 

[Mya209]

Sarahjane- you're right that would be the worst possible thing! I haven't thought about that though and won't be until I have to. I'm presuming all is ok until I have some sign of something different.

 

[kizzyt]

Yeah it's definitely scary, and the thought of being told you cant have them too, that frightens me! I spent all my 20's and my early thirties not wanting to get pregnant and now I want to it will be my luck not to be able to! I have never had a scare or anything so it's completely new to me!

 

[Caroline:-)]

I'm the same as SarahJane... my only worry is that I'll have trouble getting pregnant/carrying a baby... I just couldn't bear not to be able to have kids...

 

[rainysunshine]

Wow, I'm so excited I noticed this thread. I am so excited to have a baby and I really think OH and I will make great parents. I also think now is the right time for us in our relationship and in our lives. But I can't shake those fears either. We are both still in college, though OH is older and more financially stable because he spent 4 years in the military, and I graduate in May. So I'm worried if I get pregnant immediately I won't graduate or get a job, or that I'll lose any job opportunity because I'm pregnant. I want to go to graduate school, but I don't know if that will be possible. Or if OH will have trouble in school. Or if we should get married first (I'd lose my dad's insurance, but OH has insurance from the Army). I'm worried it will take forever to get pregnant because my cycles are irregular and I've been on bc forever. I'm afraid of delivery.

I don't want to freak out OH by saying all this because I really want a LO, but I needed to get it out. We've had pretty big issues in the past that we worked through together and it seems like anytime we needed something, it would get to us somehow. So I know we'll get through whatever happens. I'm sure we all can.

 

[channy3232]

I've already had a baby, so I kinda know what to expect in the labor and delivery department. Lol
but what scares me is that I won't be able to get pregnant again. My cycle has gotten much longer since I had my son. I'm also scared, as I was when I was pregnant with my son, that something horrible will happen to the baby. And no matter how healthy I eat, drink, or live, something will happen. I think every pregnant woman has that in the back of her mind. And then there's the guilt. I love my son with all of my being. More than anything in the world. And I almost feel guilty that if we have another baby, I'll have to share my love. And that kind of makes me sad for my son.

 

[Mya209]

There's always more love to give channy. Thanks girls. I always find it a bit funny to focus on the mechanics of ttc without addressing ones emotions too. This is a good place to share fears also. Afterall being a mum, especially for the first time is massive!! Lots of you seem scared that you can't have kids or that something will happen. Try not to dwell on this though! I know everything will be fine for each and every one of you!!

 

[Elhaym]

Mya, I understand exactly how you're feeling.

I have a list of worries as long as your arm How I will cope with pregnancy, what if I have a difficult birth, what if I can't bond with my baby, what if I'm a bad mum, how are we going to afford anything, what if my child doesn't like me, what if.....

I agree that a MAJOR worry is whether or not we can actually have kids. If you've never tried, how would you know?

Even though I have all these worries and niggles, I know that it's the right time for me, and I'm so excited about the thought of having a child. I'm sure all mums feel the same at some point. xx

 

[KittyKatBabe]

Glad to see I am not the only ones, at time when I get my feelings I wonder if I am doing the right thing, but like Elyahm says I am also really excited at having a baby and think its right for me.

Its just I am 34, been very independant all my life, met my man 2.5 years ago and he turned my world around, we are engaged and before the losses it was dead simple. Now though I ask the practical questions, my OH says he does want this, but he also says he knows our life would be a full one without a baby so it doesn't have to happen. I do know what he means, he has had a child before (who is 14 now) and he keeps saying how good it is as she is getting to the age where she doesn't need looking after. I know he doesn't mean that funny.

But I can worry about anything and everything at any point too. Its a whole mix of feelings for me, I want to be pregnant and I would love our baby but I'm scared of it changing the ethos of our relationship as we have a very fun and loving one if that makes sense. I think its just for years I have always been able to be the party girl and i would be giving that up x x x.

 

[whatever2day]

Telling my mum and dad, they great with there first grandchild, just dont wait that to change.

 

[Carreg]

Everything scares me and this is round 2 for me!! Especially scared by the idea of not being allowed the HBAC I so desperately want, but also terrified of something going wrong if I AM allowed it! Also, money, OH deciding kids aren't for him after all, PND, money. It's terrifying making this decision to do it but at the end of the day I know we will be great parents and no matter what goes wrong we will work it though. Stay strong ladies!

xxx

 

[KittyKatBabe]

I feel rubbish now as it seems I have just gone on about selfish things, which isn't how I meant it. Last year when we first started trying I was just a bit blase, then it happened and I never gave things a second thought, my OH just reassured me of the good things. However when we lost the first, then the second, I needed a break.

I would love us to have a baby, but the break has just made me realise that if the worse should happen and we can't have a baby then it isn't the end of everything. If I was to have another loss, I am not sure I could go through it all again, so thats why we are NTNP as if it will be it will be.

Having a baby is the biggest decision of my life and the hardest to date, never interested me before I met OH. I just think if I didn't try I would regret that more than not trying, so thats why despite all my worries and thoughts I have to give it a go.

 

[kizzyt]

I feel rubbish now as it seems I have just gone on about selfish things, which isn't how I meant it. Last year when we first started trying I was just a bit blase, then it happened and I never gave things a second thought, my OH just reassured me of the good things. However when we lost the first, then the second, I needed a break.

I would love us to have a baby, but the break has just made me realise that if the worse should happen and we can't have a baby then it isn't the end of everything. If I was to have another loss, I am not sure I could go through it all again, so thats why we are NTNP as if it will be it will be.

Having a baby is the biggest decision of my life and the hardest to date, never interested me before I met OH. I just think if I didn't try I would regret that more than not trying, so thats why despite all my worries and thoughts I have to give it a go.

I dont think you're selfish at all, or if you are then I am too because I agree with all you've said and as I said in an earlier post if my OH and I had met in our late 20's we'd probably still be putting it off and enjoying our fun time instead but as we're both getting to mid 30's we've decided to try and see what happens. I was like you, single, party girl for a long time, (still am a party girl tbh) and its scary thinking of giving all that up and having someone completely dependent on you! eek!

 

[Mya209]

All kinds of worries are genuine whether they appear selfish or not. I don't consider myself selfish for worrying about my life changing. It is my life after all as well as my future childs life and my OH (who I'm sure has his own worries). I hope no one posting on this thread is afraid of appearing selfish! We are all Human here and having a baby is bloody scary. I'm so sorry for those that have lost a baby. I'm wishing you all happy healthy baby dust.
People at my work would be so shocked if I told them I was pregnant. They keep on saying to me "when you have kids, you know in a good few years..." my parents say that too. It makes me feel awful, like I'm not allowed yet. (I'm 26 and getting married in September. It's gonna be scary dealing with the judgemental people!

 

[rainysunshine]

Selfish isn't always a bad word. If you are miserable, you can't be a good influence on others or enjoy the things you have. It is very natural to have fears and to want what is best for you. Oh, and Mya - I completely understand what you mean. My mom talks like she won't have another grandchild for a long time. I'm 21 (so a bit younger than you), but my family doesn't seem to understand that OH and I are pretty serious (we aren't married, but don't plan to be unless it is legally necessary for health insurance or the like). I mentioned I wouldn't have a chance at a blond child (I'm blond, but OH is mexican - very dark). They just said I could always pick someone else to have kids with!

But most of my fears have to do with the ability to take care of the child. There are benefits and drawbacks to having kids earlier. OH and I decided to have kids now because we didn't want to find ourselves in our 30s without kids and wondering if we waited too long. But since we are kind of young, we aren't as solid with money or other things like a house or permanent place.

One thing I know all of us have enough of is love. Any child born to anyone here would be lucky to have the families represented here. As that is all a child really needs, I suppose we shouldn't worry so much.
Easy to say, not so easy to do.

 

[Mya209]

Yeah i think you're right. These worries show we care and aren't bringing a baby into our lives without really thinking it through. No matter what anyone says, I know Im ready for a child and OH is too and that's all I care about. I don't think many of us would find it easy when people judge your decisions or tell you you're too young etc. It's hard to deal with. I've been with my partner 7.5 years. It's not like we haven't lived!

 

[kizzyt]

I also dont know how I'd keep it quiet, I wouldnt want the whole world to know before the first scan but I am a very sociable person, go out a lot, and I drink so I feel like people would know instantly!! every other week there's a wedding, hen night, birthday etc and I am not one to drive to most of these social occassions so I feel like people would be saying "oh she's pregnant" straight away! how many times can you pretend to have an ear/water/throat infection or whatever in twelve weeks?! haha!