What should I do about my OB? I feel like she doesn't want us TTC :(

[AerisandAlex]

I love my OBGYN, she's a great Dr, but she's so cold.... I remember when I had the MMC, I refused to do anything to end the pregnancy even when she tried to convince me the baby was gone... she even walked into the office at one point and said 'The sac hasn't grown so it's not viable.' I argued with her for a short second that the Hospital did in fact find a fetus in the gestational sac and she countered with 'Oh, yes I see it here on the chart, but there's no heartbeat so it's not viable.'

No, "I'm sorry for your loss' not a single comforting word... I know she's just doing her job but sometimes I feel like I have no business even TTC because of my OB's reactions to it...

Even when I found out I was pregnant with DD, my OB then (a different Dr) shook his head at me and told me I should have abstained after my D&E to avoid getting pregnant at all!

I was thrilled to have the chance to have a child, but my age at the time (19) and being in college made them treat me like a child...

I've tried, nicely, to tell my current OB that we're trying again, but she seems to have no interest in helping us TTC! She won't even look into why it takes us soooo long to TTC! I practically had to beg for her to do an ultrasound to see if she saw something wrong with my ovaries when I was having a lot of lower abdominal pain. She's been my doctor since I was a young teen, so I'm a little afraid of changing but I don't feel like anything's going to change with her and I'm almost even ashamed to talk to her about anything!

Just, ugh! So irritated right now, and could really use some advice, I mean, I feel like the only answers I get are from you ladies right here, doctors seem to do nothing for me! I mean, after a year of TTC, aren't doctors supposed to help you look further into why you aren't getting pregnant?

Also, will changing OBs even change their bias towards me and DH? Our financial status isn't the best and I swear my doctor is thinking of that based on the insurance that I have... I mean, the insurance pretty much gives away that I'm not even close to the middle class... but I'm not a child, I understand what it means to have a child, to take care of them, I have 2 already! I understand what adding a 3rd child would do, why do my docs have to be so mean? So irritating!

 

[donnarobinson]

Didn't want to read and run hun, I'd personally change doctors , a doctor is there tell help not make u feel like that x

 

[Ashla]

I am so sorry to hear you are being treated this way. I would definitely change Obs. Last time I checked, being rich and old doesn't guarantee you'll be a good parent! It is so very wrong of Drs to let their sterotypes and prejudices influence the way they behave to their patients.

The only way Drs will learn that they need to do better, is by us taking our business elsewhere. GL!

 

[Ruskiegirl]

I would get a new doc !!! Even when I was pregnant with my first daughter at 16 my doc was very caring and nice and treated me like an adult . If he was still practicing today he would be helping me through this entire TTC process . He delivered both my girls

 

[nolansmom]

The short answer is because they are jerks.. Because they likely spent 12 years in school forsaking motherhood and resent you for thinking you "can" or "deserve" to or "should" have another child given your limited financial resources. One must be married, 35, with a degree, career and large home to even consider having a child these days.. **Sarcasm**.. Do what you need to in order to be happy and don't let it get to you.. Again, short answer, people are jerks. I don't like "people" much..

 

[Sammie100]

You need to be able to trust your doctor. Find one you can trust. There's no need to continue with the same doc just because of history. Talk to some friends/family about who they use and if they'd recommend them.

 

[Pirate]

I think you need to find a new doctor. Anyone, regardless of insurance and/or financial resources, should be treated with respect and dignity. Just because ttc is not a choice she would if she were in your shoes doesn't mean that it isn't the right choice for you.

Have you looked into midwives/birthing centers. Most offer well woman care in addition to prenatal services. Many accept insurance and/or payments on a sliding income based scale.

 

[AerisandAlex]

Well, there are a lot of different options in the area and almost all of them would take my insurance... my area just doesn't have a lot of respectable doctors in any field... out of all the doctors I've ever seen, the only one who seemed to cared was my Ears Nose and Throat Dr! lol and of course my children's doctors have always been amazing, but I can't seem them

I am going to change, I had a discussion with my mother about it and she said that her OB is really nice and thorough with everything... and she doesn't appreciate my current OB being so cold to us... and dishing out personal advice where it's not needed...

Thanks girls, the support really helped me make this decision easier. I thought that maybe I was being over sensitive and that rapport mattered more then manners, but I can see now that it's not and that I need a new OB, so I'm going to switch to my mother's OB this coming week and hopefully he'll be as good as my mother says

 

[blahswife]

I ran into the same obstacles as I've been trying for some years now. I had my son at 19 and he will be 14 soon. I have been TTC since then only now am I getting the help from doctor's it may just be because of the insurance. One piece of advice I can offer is to be ready to pay out of pocket for test that your insurance doesn't cover and you may also need to look into a new doctor due to your history with her. Good luck

 

[Ashla]

Glad to hear you are going to try someone new. I really hope it works out. Be sure to let us know how you get on!