what should i expect from my boyfriend

[Melissa93]

I've been with my boyfriend a year next month, I'm 20 with 18 month old daughter and hes 19 and we've recently got a dog which we pay half towards each. Basically he doesn't live with us but is round quite a lot see him most days stays few nights a week on average but I'm just wondering what people would expect from their boyfriends if was in this situation as obviously when he's here he's eating my food, having baths so hot water and end updated washing some of his clothes as well, don't mean to sound really tight but not exactly rolling in money and i know it's only one extra person for meals but it means using twice as much as normal, also would you ask for help round the house, I cook all the meals and then end up having to wash up as well and do all the cleaning and washing etc, just want people's opinions as I don't know what's reasonable to expect from him and I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken for granted x

 

[amytrisha]

My MIL is in the same kind of situation, she makes her OH pay 'rent' each week, £20-£40 depending (she feeds his dog, as well as her own) but she does all the cleaning.

Idk what I'd do in that situation though..

If you feel taken for granted tell him, tell him which areas you need help (money, cleaning, pet care) and ask him to give you help towards. X

 

[Belle25]

He probably doesn't see how is is costing you money. But if he does, hes being awful keeping quiet.

I would tell him outright, as your being too nice staying quiet.

Tell him what you expect of him-such as he does the dishes after you cook, or he buys the food for you to cook a meal at yours, or he eats at his more, or both of you eat at his etc

Xx

 

[Melissa93]

Thanks just wasn't sure how much he should pay as didn't want to seem like just after his money, think definitely going to tell him need so much a week and he has to help keep house tidy and actually tidy up after himself, find his things scatter around plus since getting dog i now have to hoover like everyday, will definitely be having a chat with him as he tells me he wants to be together but just feel like I'm doing all the work and it's making the relationship difficult and starting to resent him, he still lives at home and his mom hates me so it's not an option goin to his x

 

[Boomerslady]

I just thought I should let you know IF he starts giving you money towards the house, meals etc then you could get in trouble with benefit people (if you claim any lone parent benefits). My OH like yours stayed over 2 or so nights a week, ate here about 4 times a week and someone told them he was living with me. I got called in and told them the truth, but they basically said I can't have anyone sleep over, ever, he can't eat here, if he pays a single penny towards the house I could lose all my benefits. I'm still waiting to hear back to see if they'll take any action against me, and needless to say I've seen my OH twice in that time (3 weeks) and its tearing us apart. I just thought I should let you know because you can get in a lot of problems.

It's crazy really, I'm not sure how the expect single mums to progress in relationships and get off benefits if they're not allowed partners to ever stay over etc.

 

[seoj]

If it's cause you money concerns, just be honest with your OH. He's probably not even thought of that. When I was single and dating (granted, it was just me)- but I never thought to ask someone I was dating to help out- BUT- it was more mutual with going out (they would typically pay etc)- and I'd stay at their place as well as them staying with me... so it was more even. If you not staying with him, and he isn't paying when you go out etc... then for sure, just explain it would be nice if he could help out a little since he's more often staying with you. He should understand that.

 

[Melissa93]

thats a bit ridiculous all its for is covering the cost of what they are using not as if it's a full income, thanks for letting me know tho, yeah we tend to end up paying evenly for things when out and that so then I end up paying food bills on top as well, just getting stressed atm got so much on, holiday in 8 weeks so saving spending money, start college in Sept, waiting on letter with date for operation to have my kidney removed and just feel like i never stop or get time for myself everything is left for me to do and sometimes i struggle as i get pains with my kidney and never have money for me either, all just getting on top of me x

 

[babycrazy1706]

Best wishes hun and good luck with your op. Xx

 

[smokey]

Just be carful that your not being seen as a second mother to run behind him

 

[Babushka]

You're not being tight at all, he should be contributing towards food at least. Before my OH & I lived together, we would go shopping together & split the bill as he spent 70% of his time at my place.

He only ever went home when he had his daughter so I would give him some stuff to take home as well but he still had to do other shopping. I didn't worry about utility costs etc but I wasn't a single mother on a pension either & he did take me out on dates and pay for those.

If I were you, I would start off by asking him to pick up stuff from the grocery store for dinner & then later suggest you both go shopping together & split the bill as you are struggling to pay for another mouth to eat. Anybody reasonable would agree to this, & if he doesn't then I would show him the door!