what would you do ?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Rachaela, Aug 20, 2009.

  1. Rachaela

    Rachaela Well-Known Member

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    Not really about baby, but since all the ladies are together just need a little advice.

    My other half seems to me to have been a little distant with me the past couple of months. And I feel sooooo guilty because I went through his phone. Something just didnt feel right.

    well what would you do if you found a message your other halfs phone saying

    "by the way your aftershave smells nice" (there was more to the message about her long distance boyfriend or something)

    am I just being far too hormonal ? or would you say something ? It is actually getting to me a bit. but just biting my tongue at the moment. x
     
  2. toseland13

    toseland13 Well-Known Member

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    do you know who she is?:wacko:

    do you live together?

    im sure all is ok but no harm in keeping a close eye on him :thumbup:

    :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
     
  3. dani_tinks

    dani_tinks Mum to one of each

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    That's hard :( it depends what kind of communication you guys have though, me personally i'd speak to my OH, i've found messages before when i've been feeling down and paranoid and confronted him (it was nothing but we talked it out).
    I mean you need to say something or else your emotions are going to go crazy and the more you worry the worst it'll feel.
    *big hugs*
    hope you guys sort it out xxx
     
  4. redpoppy

    redpoppy Well-Known Member

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    Problem is it could be ALL innocent and you could have a blow up over something which is NOTHING and then you're the crazy mad woman who went through his phone and found an innocent message and blew it all out of proportion!

    The only reason I say this is that I have something similar in my past. :blush: sure taught me the lesson of not being so jealous though. :blush: I'm SOOOOO ashamed of it now. :blush:

    However, I DO think you shoudl deny all knowledge of the phone and what you found etc. and just talk to him about him being distant. And also just keep your senses about you in regards to his actions and state of mind. :hugs: If things get worse then you can maybe see what you want to say?
     
  5. QTPie

    QTPie Well-Known Member

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    Difficult one...

    BUT (personally) I think that you are right to bite your tongue. I often tell my husband off for reading my emails... :growlmad: He isn't worried about cheating, he is just a nosey b*gger and wants to know what is going on... :wacko:. Although I have nothing to hide, I dislike my privacy being invaded. Everyone is allowed a little privacy.

    To be honest, the comment on his phone sounds like "harmless flirting". I don't mean "I want to get into bed with you" flirting, I mean "harmless compliment paying". Harmless flirting (providing it goes no further) in the office is not uncommon at all and it actually makes places more plesnt to work in (it is nice to get the occassional compliment about your top or your perfume).

    PLUS the woman from the message is talkign about her boyfriend.... always good.

    HOWEVER if you are worried about your OH being "distant" these past few months, then that IS something that you want to tackle. Pregnancy can be a difficult time for men (a LOT to come to terms with), but after the child is actually born can be a LOT harder. So pregnancy (assuming this is your first?) is an essential opportunity to get "as close as you can" to your OH AND to prepare him for afterwards: so the arrival of the child is not something that he is dreading and so he doesn't feel "even more pushed out" after the birth.

    So this is a potentially difficult time for him and it wont become easier after the birth...

    I would say "go on the attack" - remind him what you have and start him looking forward to your new arrival. LOTS of quality time with OH now (romantic nights in, "date night" etc). Also start him bonding with the baby. I encourage my husband to talk to my belly, kiss my belly (he always kissed it good night, goodbye in the mornings and often when he gets home), we have a nickname for the baby and we talk about him, I often say that "Binky" (sorry, stupid nickname :blush: ) loves him loads. I make sure that husband is involved 100% in everything to do with baby (including what we buy etc). That he knows, 100%, that this is "OUR baby" (and not "my baby" ).

    So I think that this thread is completely to do with baby.... Try to stop invading his privacy (it isn't good for him or for you) and just concentrate on two things:
    - you and him (remind him how wonderful you are together and that this WILL NOT stop, one way or another, after the baby is born).
    - him, baby and you as a family group (get him really used to, comfortable with and even looking forward to baby arriving). Many men can feel "pushed out and isolated" when a baby is born - that can be a dangerous time.

    That is what I would do anyway. From what you have said, doesn't sound like your OH is "playing away" (just being harmlessly flirted with). The way to keep him is not to invade his privacy and make a big things about it. The way to keep him is to show him how amazing you are and what a great thing having a family will be.

    Beat wishes :hugs:

    QT
     
  6. MissRhead

    MissRhead Well-Known Member

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    Personaly id confront him about it for the pure fact i found texts from another girl on my OH's phone seemed innocant, and turned out he was meeting the s*ag (sorry lol) for a few months. In no way am i saying ur OH is doing this but id investigate further, but thats just My personal oppinion hun xxx
     
  7. redpoppy

    redpoppy Well-Known Member

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    Oh, and also, it might not even be flirting. I'm quite a prude and don't even like hugging anyone of the opposite sex (or my own sex half the time! :haha:) unless they are family.

    I'm VERY outgoing and extroverted and quite confident but I am honestly maybe the LEAST flirty person I have EVER met.

    And yet if I smell someone who smells nice, I'll just be like "*deep sniff* mmmmm... you smell nice!" but i think i say it in such a matter of fact, non sexual manner and in public that its SURELY not considered flirting.

    And although that may NOT be the case, and she may have been flirting, I think QTPie's advice is top notch! :thumbup:
     
  8. Buffy71

    Buffy71 Mummy to Harriet!

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    I would say trust your instincts. You dont sound overly worried about the text from your post, and I dont think you need to be - at this stage.

    However, as QT says, make him remember why you are together, and building your family and life together. Dont mention the text. But why not send him your own little loving texts like you used to when you first got together. He's probably feeling a little out of his depth (boys are funny creatures and need to be reassured they are number one in your life!) with baby on the way, so its easier for their heads to be turned by a little flirting.

    Keep your instincts open, but instead of getting defensive - turn on the charm. Its hard I know, my hubby is just starting to be himself again after months of intermittant grumpy stroppy teenager (he's 38...!) behaviour (but puntuated with him being lovely and considerate - so I was a bit off balance).

    Big hugs honey.

    xxxxx
     
  9. kayleigh&bump

    kayleigh&bump Mum to Finnley & TTC #2

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    if it was me, i would confront him. I am terrible at keeping things like that to myself, and me and hubby have such a relationship where we tell each other everything. I think it is only a decision that you can make, but I know if it were me, I would have to say something, even if it did mean admitting i had been phone snooping. xxx
     

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