When baby comes...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Sweetpea7830, Oct 7, 2008.

  1. Sweetpea7830

    Sweetpea7830 Well-Known Member

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    So I have a question... :) What are your plans for family and friend visits when baby comes?

    For those of you that have already had kids, did you find you wanted visitors immediately, or did you want them to wait a bit (how long?)?

    My mom has volunteered to come and stay with us when baby comes, but I am torn. I am thinking I might want just the first 2 weeks or so with just hubby and I to get used to baby and to figure some things out on our own without interference. He will have to go back to work after two weeks so that seems like a better time to have family stay.

    My mom and I also aren't super close, and she can be overbearing with advice and "do it this way" insistence. It causes some friction in normal life with me not always feeling that her way is the best way (I've learned to say "Um hum, that's a good idea" and still do things the best way I see fit ;) )...so I worry that it would be even harder in those first two weeks?

    Or, will I be so exhausted and wanting help that I would regret not having a third set of hands around??
     
  2. Vickie

    Vickie Hannah & Rhys <3

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    My MIL wanted to come over every day for a month after DH went back to work, I had to say thanks but no thanks...I'm very independent and a do it myself person and she really stressed me out right after Hannah was born, telling me what to do etc. (even told me how to change a diaper-multiple times :wacko:)
     
  3. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    I'm in the same position!

    Both my family, and my in laws want to travel up AS SOON AS I'm in labour and wait at the hospital the whole friggin time, and then stay with me and my OH. Except 1. I don't want that, and 2. My family and my in laws despise each other.

    Part of me would like to have my Mum stay, but I know my MIL will go skitz or vice versa.

    Plus the fact I want some alone time with my LO without someone telling me how to do things.

    The fact that Christmas is at the same time just makes it more fun.

    Family, eh?!?
     
  4. danni2609

    danni2609 Guest

    With my daughter my mum and robs mum came round in the evening the day i got home. It wasnt too bad as i let them feed kaitlin and change her while i lay on the sofa. This time my mum will do the same
     
  5. Hevz

    Hevz 4 beautiful children

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    I would never have my Mum round to stay but that's coz we don't get along too well:rofl:....it would end up like this:gun:


    If you do get on well, I would recommend spending your hubby's paternity leave with him and baby only....obviously have visitors but not a house guest to sleep.

    You will need the help more when hubby is back at work....definitely and I think poor hubby may feel "unwanted/un-needed" if your Mum is doing everything for him while he's there.


    Good luck:hugs:
     
  6. o0oCharlieo0o

    o0oCharlieo0o Well-Known Member

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    my mum offerd to stay with us when brendan was born to but i chose not to have her stay because i wanted to learn it for myself and im glad i did it that way, it would have drove me mad having my mum there all that time even though we are close i think itsnice for just you and ur partner to get used to a new baby, i wanted people to visit brendan straight away and i will want everyone to come and see the new baby straight away but noway would i want anyone staying lol

    also to add my mum is very 'do it this way' to and there are a few things i wished i hadnt listened to, like my mum keep telling me i was torturing brendan because he wanted to start on solids at 3 months, and i thought i didnt want to start him that early but she was so over the top about how i was evil not to start him i started him on solids at 3 months, now i know better i will be able to say 'ill do it MY way' but when its your first its very hard to not listen to your mum and would be even harder if she was staying with you!
     
  7. izzy29

    izzy29 Well-Known Member

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    I was wondering the same. I am planning on feeding myself and I was thinking I wouldnt want many about as I would want to get a hang of that and give it my best go without the stress of people coming to visit, I am a shy person at the bewst of times so I wouldnt be wanting to feed in front of them, maybe my mum but thats it. What do you say to people though, no sorry it doesnt suit, or we are out?? I dont even think i want many visitors at the hospital either except my mum and sisters and off course OH immediate family but I know friends are going to ask when they can come visit!
     
  8. redberry3

    redberry3 Love My Little Peek <3

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    I heard that having your mom around to do the excess like the cooking and cleaning etc. really helps with post pardum, as you get that extra time that you have spent with chores and such with baby and it is really rewarding in the end.

    I think it all depends on how close you are with your family and whether or not you are able to set boundaries and say that you want to figure things out on your own. Suggestion will be nice but being told that you aredoing something wrong is not a good idea.

    I think I want my mom there when i can have her, but my MIL f**k no!!! :rofl: Sorry but that lady drive me bonkers!!!!

    My main fear is my in laws just stopping by whenever they want......I will lose it!!! :grr:
     
  9. mummymadness

    mummymadness Mummy to 4

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    It was strange with me , With Layla my first every one visited and i thought Ohhh i need a break from all theese visitors lol.
    With Finnley my Second not so many people visited and i thought ohhh why didnt people visit lol . xxxx .
     
  10. CapitalChick

    CapitalChick Mommy to 1 and preggo!!!

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    Hey ladies, sorry for the long post, but this is an issue that's really personal to me...

    Holy crappers....It's like we're the SAME PERSON!
    I can't believe how many people feel the same way as me...
    When I was trying to get pregnant, my mom was trying to be supportive, but was anything but....it was awful. One day I could see she wanted to say something to me, and she just grabbed my arm and said "When you finally have a baby, I'm coming to your city to spend 2 weeks with you. And it should only be me. Not your mother in law". I didn't even have a choice in the matter. I was so annoyed.

    I am DREADING that aspect of giving birth. My mother goes on NON STOP about how she's going to "stand at the foot of the bed and 'steal' the baby and just take it away and raise it herself". She says it jokingly, but it's just one thing in a STRING of annoying comments she keeps making. She tells me, in almost every conversation, how she just wants to hold the baby all the time, and how she's not going to want to let the baby go. I'm DREADING IT. I'm feeling overly posessive about the baby already...and it isn't even born yet. I've already made it clear to my husband that we're not informing our families of the impending birth until I'm WELL into my labour, because I definitely want the first few hours (if not the entire first day) just with the baby and my hubby.

    My parents and inlaws don't get along and I just KNOW that if my MIL holds the baby for 5 minutes and 30 seconds, my mother will be right there with a stopwatch wanting to hold the baby for exactly the same amount of time. And NO ONE will care how long and how often I get to hold the baby.

    I'm SO SO STRESSED ABOUT THIS!

    Now I'm stuck with my mother coming to "help me" (LOL..yeah right) for two weeks. Last time I visited her, when she started talking about "holding the baby, holding the baby, holding the baby", I just said "I hope you'll let me hold the baby too!" and then I said "Y'know, you said you were coming to stay with me so that you could help me. I hope that doesn't mean you're going to hold the baby so that I can cook and clean for two weeks...."

    She was really annoyed.

    Sorry for the LONG post, but I had to get it off my chest.
     
  11. pinkmac85

    pinkmac85 Mom & pregnant with #2

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    My parents don't want to know when I go into labour, they just want the phone call to say "you're officially grandparents to a boy/girl!" and they will come up a few days after we get settled at home, they only live about 2 hours away.
    My inlaws tho want to come down for 2 weeks a few days after we get settled in. I'm actually welcoming the helping hands as OH and I don't know much about babies, neither of us have been around young kids so we are totally wanting lots of help lol
     
  12. Beltane

    Beltane Mother of 3 Boys!

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    I would prefer to be left alone for a while. My twin sis will probably fly out here a few weeks after he is born. I'm too much a people pleaser and entertainer to have company visit right away. I'm locking my door. =P
     
  13. enigma

    enigma mum of 3 nearly 4.

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    Ill let people visit durin the day, aslong as they dont stay to long, ill be very tired and im very independant, i appreciate, but hate people offering to help all the time.
    My OH is the same, we both would much prefare to be left to our own devices and get used to the new edition to our family on own, in our own time.
     
  14. Louise-B

    Louise-B Mummy to Kitty + preg

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    My SIL recently had her baby, and I think her parents visited almost as soon as baby had popped out. Me, OH and my MIL (also her MIL) visited altogether for a couple of hours when baby was 5 days old. And have only seen him a couple of times since then (he's now 10 weeks).

    I think that's kind of set a precedent for when our LO finally makes an appearance. We will definitely want the first two weeks mostly to ourselves to work out what to do... and how to do it!

    My OH works away during the week so I will probably want my mum to come and visit for a couple of days in the few weeks after OH goes so I get a little break and some adult company! I get on really well with my mum and she works with babies etc so is an expert without being an overpowering or "you're doing it all wrong" type.
     
  15. xJG30

    xJG30 Tom & Mummy <3

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    I live with my parents and i'm so glad I had them closeby and it was all a scary thing.. within 10 mins of coming home, the neighbours came round for a nosy (not my choice), i'd prefer to of waited til I was feeling abit better.
     
  16. jms895

    jms895 Well-Known Member

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    I would really like time alone at home with bubba and OH but know this never happens. So will be ok with my parents and his parents coming and bro and sister, but I dont want friends coming for a week I think. Will see! I know people just drop in and turn up which would really piss me off!! xx
     
  17. Neecee

    Neecee Guest

    Luckily for me my in-laws and my parents aren't the interferring type. My mum will be with me and my hubby when I deliver, but I want to spend OH's paternity leave as just the three of us, as he's really looking forward to bonding with his son.

    When my mum had me, she said my nan was CONSTANTLY round her house and she really took the mick because my nan was a midwife and even used to bring student midwives round with her! My mum has always vowed never to do that to me coz she knows how it feels.
     
  18. sophie c

    sophie c 2 gorgeous daughters <3

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    i want my mum and my other half there when im in labour, but i know that as soon as bubs is here my mum will be there when i need her, shes deffinately not the interfering type, the SIL tried dictating to me sayin that she WILL have the baby every tue everyweek lol I was like NO i will decide when anyone takes my child for the day nobody will dictate how things go to me! lol i think she got the picture, im a little scared of interfearance (sp) but im sure things will work out fine

    xxxx
     
  19. Shifter

    Shifter Guest

    I'm not sure yet what I'll feel up to. I'm happy for my parents and brother to come visit in hospital and maybe for my mum to accompany us home. It might be nice to have someone there in the first couple of hours to help us get settled back in, unpack my hospital bag and get some food together for us.

    Then I think I want some quiet time with just me, hubby and baby for a while. I don't know when the in-laws will come to visit. They live about 200 miles away so it might take a few days for them to make the trip. I can't say I like the idea of putting my MIL and possibly SIL and her two kids up for even one night any time in that first two-three weeks!

    I can't imagine any of our friends or family just dropping in unannounced and I have a good enough relationship with my family to say no if they ring and I decide I don't want visitors! Equally if my mum rings and I desperately want some help I'll be able to ask!
     
  20. lauriech

    lauriech Well-Known Member

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    Oh CapitalChick I feel for you. I can't believe your mum says such horrible things - I would have to say something.

    My parents live about 250 miles away and I'd like them to visit us in hospital when the baby is born but it's awkward because they have a dog and no one to look after it if I go into labour. Also, we don't have a spare room anymore for them to stay anyway so...it'll be a short, expensive trip for them and I get the impression it's going to be too much 'hassle' for them, however, my mum has found a holiday rental property that she is thinking of booking now for when I'm due (it also takes dogs). Mad or what! I don' want her here for a week just before I have the baby or just after...maybe I'm just being selfish? :blush:

    Then my OH's parents live in the same town as us and I get the feeling they're going to want to see the baby all the time and to be honest - I'm not one for people turning up on me out of the blue...I really dislike it (you have a phone and so do I so use it to see if it's a good time first!). Selfish again? :blush:

    I'm very independant and protective over my baby already and don't want too much grief from either side.

    My mum had her mum stay for two weeks when I was born but I don't want that and I don't think it's fair on OH either. This is a special time for me, OH and baby.
     

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