When baby comes...

[Shifter]

Laurie, you don't sound selfish to me. I think it's plain rude to drop by unannounced! Even if you are being a little selfish, that's perfectly OK at this time in your life!!

 

[Crobsonrobson]

My mum and dad live in cornwall and recently informed me that they were going on Holiday from the 24/02 to the 26/03, my EDD is 03/03. With the quote "well love we did not expect you to be pregnant!!" Classic mum. I'm not right bothered I know that she will be around after they get back.

It is the MIL that I am worried about. They live in Spain and OH seems to think that we should be available to see them when ever they are over. They are already talking about booking flights for March. I said to OH this morning "when are your M&D coming in March?" The response "Don't know - why??"

What the F**k

So they may well turn up on the day of birth expect loads of time with LO cos they are leaving to return to Spain in a weeks time.

I said to OH that he need to speak with them ASAP, as I am not having them around for while we are trying to find our feet as a family. It is not like I could see them doing anything to help.

Oh family fun.

 

[tiggertea]

as soon as we announced the pregnancy my mil announced she was going to be there for the birth......

i was like "wtf?! no way!!!! me and hubby only thanks!" she huffed and said she would wait outside the delivery suite then. im still majorly peeved off with this so we hav decided they arent even gonna b told baby is on the way til baby has arrived. cruel i no but necessary!!!

my mum has been great tho, she said that her and dad will come visit at visiting time and will help as and when hubby and i feel we need it once we are home.

my bloody mil is an overbearing b1tch. harsh but true!

 

[Fossey]

I have already said to DH that when she is born, I don't mind visitors for 2-3 hours at a time at home but not all dayers or nighters!

The hospital I can see them all waiting around listening to me screaming but I don't mind that as long as they are the other side of the door!

When home the first 2 weeks I need us all bonding and don't want his paternity leave being taken away by visitors. My FIL stays a night every 1-2 weeks and if he doesn't stay he is here the whole day from 10am till 8pm some days and I don't want that happening at the start as those two weeks paternity are important IMO
He and his dad are close and spend time pottering in the garden or on the cars and to me that will take up valuable time so I am laying the law down lol

 

[Emsi76]

I intend on making it a "ring before you leave" rule!!!

I know they will all want to see the little bundle, however, mummy and daddy need bonding time and mummy will no doubt be very tired!!!

 

[lauriech]

Laurie, you don't sound selfish to me. I think it's plain rude to drop by unannounced! Even if you are being a little selfish, that's perfectly OK at this time in your life!!

I'm glad I didn't sound selfish in what I said but why do people (family or not) think that you want them there when you're in labour or have just given birth?

I actually would like my parents to see the baby when he's born but I don't want them here for days as my dad will get bored and keep moaning and my mum will interfere which isn't fair on my OH at all and to be honest, I won't want either!

Also, this is my MIL's (well sort of!) first grandchild and she's really happy it's a boy because there are loads of girls in their family, however, her husband (not my OH's real dad) has two granddaughters already so I can imagine it'll be like 'Mia does this' and 'Lois does that'. Also, apart from this site, I haven't told many people the baby is a boy as I didn't want many people to know and MIL said she wouldn't tell anyone but she's gone and told all of OH's family - I'm not impressed! Isn't that for us to tell people our news (it's not her baby!!!!).

 

[Shifter]

Also, this is my MIL's (well sort of!) first grandchild and she's really happy it's a boy because there are loads of girls in their family, however, her husband (not my OH's real dad) has two granddaughters already so I can imagine it'll be like 'Mia does this' and 'Lois does that'. Also, apart from this site, I haven't told many people the baby is a boy as I didn't want many people to know and MIL said she wouldn't tell anyone but she's gone and told all of OH's family - I'm not impressed! Isn't that for us to tell people our news (it's not her baby!!!!).

Aww hun try not to let it get you down. She is excited and that's a good thing. I know it's a pain when they interfere, but isn't that a bit better than completely ignoring you and your bump?

 

[Amanda]

I think I'm in a minority here.

I want LOADS of visitors!!!

With Charlie, it was a section and I was in hospital for 2 days, and loved having everyone visit. But once we got home, people just sort of left us to our own devices. Once Kayleigh went back school and Stu went back work, I was bored stiff! All newborns do is sleep feed and poop! I just used to pack the car and go to other peoples houses for the day and impose on them for some company!!

This time around, I want loads of people round for Charlie's sake. I want people to take an interest in him, and not just the new baby.

It helps me recover too as I keep the house clean and am constantly making cups of tea for visitors. Stops me sitting down moping because I'm in pain!

 

[aurora32]

Hi hunn,

If i were you id have the first few days just you oh and bubs to get used to this totally new experience, if oh is off for 2 weeks like you say it would make more sense for ur mum to stay after he goes back to work and by that time you will be in a routine and more relaxed round baby.
Only you and oh can make the choice as long as you feel comfortable with that choice you shouldnt have any probs.


hope all goes well

 

[Sweetpea7830]

My MIL wanted to come over every day for a month after DH went back to work, I had to say thanks but no thanks...I'm very independent and a do it myself person and she really stressed me out right after Hannah was born, telling me what to do etc. (even told me how to change a diaper-multiple times )

That sounds like what I imagine will happen with me! I have a friend that asked her mother to leave after two days. I would rather not have to do that, I want to kinda be ready with "this is the plan" to start instead of having to ask her to leave after 2 days if she planned to stay 7. Eek!

 

[Sweetpea7830]

I think I'm in a minority here.

I want LOADS of visitors!!!

With Charlie, it was a section and I was in hospital for 2 days, and loved having everyone visit. But once we got home, people just sort of left us to our own devices. Once Kayleigh went back school and Stu went back work, I was bored stiff! All newborns do is sleep feed and poop! I just used to pack the car and go to other peoples houses for the day and impose on them for some company!!

This time around, I want loads of people round for Charlie's sake. I want people to take an interest in him, and not just the new baby.

It helps me recover too as I keep the house clean and am constantly making cups of tea for visitors. Stops me sitting down moping because I'm in pain!

These are great points! I don't mind day visitors - I am just not sure I want weeklong or overnight visitors! That seems like more trouble - attending to myself, my husband, my baby....and then overnight visitors ... eek!

 

[Sweetpea7830]

I would never have my Mum round to stay but that's coz we don't get along too well....it would end up like this


If you do get on well, I would recommend spending your hubby's paternity leave with him and baby only....obviously have visitors but not a house guest to sleep.

You will need the help more when hubby is back at work....definitely and I think poor hubby may feel "unwanted/un-needed" if your Mum is doing everything for him while he's there.


Good luck

That is a great point! I had not thought about how he might feel as well...honestly, they don't get along super well anyways so that might intensify that feeling and I want to be sure he has plenty of bonding time with baby. I have heard from friends that their husband was obviously smitten as soon as baby was born, but they had a harder time forging that connection/bonding - mom has one instantly from living with baby for 9 months...

Great food for thought, thank you!

 

[Sweetpea7830]

I was wondering the same. I am planning on feeding myself and I was thinking I wouldnt want many about as I would want to get a hang of that and give it my best go without the stress of people coming to visit, I am a shy person at the bewst of times so I wouldnt be wanting to feed in front of them, maybe my mum but thats it. What do you say to people though, no sorry it doesnt suit, or we are out?? I dont even think i want many visitors at the hospital either except my mum and sisters and off course OH immediate family but I know friends are going to ask when they can come visit!

EXACTLY! How do you go about saying this?!

 

[Sweetpea7830]

Hey ladies, sorry for the long post, but this is an issue that's really personal to me...

I'm in the same position!

Both my family, and my in laws want to travel up AS SOON AS I'm in labour and wait at the hospital the whole friggin time, and then stay with me and my OH. Except 1. I don't want that, and 2. My family and my in laws despise each other.

Part of me would like to have my Mum stay, but I know my MIL will go skitz or vice versa.

Plus the fact I want some alone time with my LO without someone telling me how to do things.

The fact that Christmas is at the same time just makes it more fun.

Family, eh?!?

Holy crappers....It's like we're the SAME PERSON!
I can't believe how many people feel the same way as me...
When I was trying to get pregnant, my mom was trying to be supportive, but was anything but....it was awful. One day I could see she wanted to say something to me, and she just grabbed my arm and said "When you finally have a baby, I'm coming to your city to spend 2 weeks with you. And it should only be me. Not your mother in law". I didn't even have a choice in the matter. I was so annoyed.

I am DREADING that aspect of giving birth. My mother goes on NON STOP about how she's going to "stand at the foot of the bed and 'steal' the baby and just take it away and raise it herself". She says it jokingly, but it's just one thing in a STRING of annoying comments she keeps making. She tells me, in almost every conversation, how she just wants to hold the baby all the time, and how she's not going to want to let the baby go. I'm DREADING IT. I'm feeling overly posessive about the baby already...and it isn't even born yet. I've already made it clear to my husband that we're not informing our families of the impending birth until I'm WELL into my labour, because I definitely want the first few hours (if not the entire first day) just with the baby and my hubby.

My parents and inlaws don't get along and I just KNOW that if my MIL holds the baby for 5 minutes and 30 seconds, my mother will be right there with a stopwatch wanting to hold the baby for exactly the same amount of time. And NO ONE will care how long and how often I get to hold the baby.

I'm SO SO STRESSED ABOUT THIS!

Now I'm stuck with my mother coming to "help me" (LOL..yeah right) for two weeks. Last time I visited her, when she started talking about "holding the baby, holding the baby, holding the baby", I just said "I hope you'll let me hold the baby too!" and then I said "Y'know, you said you were coming to stay with me so that you could help me. I hope that doesn't mean you're going to hold the baby so that I can cook and clean for two weeks...."

She was really annoyed.

Sorry for the LONG post, but I had to get it off my chest.

Oh my goodness, we have the same mom exactly. I am really dreading this as well. You wrote exactly what I am going through, except that my inlaws and mom get along fine - my mom will just want to be #1 star of the show and hold the baby, etc. Like you, I sit there and think, am I going to have to demand my baby back?

She's also not a big cooker/cleaner...so I have the same fear you do! Her staying for a week might end up with her spending all the time with baby and me cleaning up after everyone and cooking for everyone. Certainly not what I have in mind.

It is so good to be able to read that I am not in this boat alone! Now, how to handle it...

 

[Sweetpea7830]

Oh CapitalChick I feel for you. I can't believe your mum says such horrible things - I would have to say something.

My parents live about 250 miles away and I'd like them to visit us in hospital when the baby is born but it's awkward because they have a dog and no one to look after it if I go into labour. Also, we don't have a spare room anymore for them to stay anyway so...it'll be a short, expensive trip for them and I get the impression it's going to be too much 'hassle' for them, however, my mum has found a holiday rental property that she is thinking of booking now for when I'm due (it also takes dogs). Mad or what! I don' want her here for a week just before I have the baby or just after...maybe I'm just being selfish?

Then my OH's parents live in the same town as us and I get the feeling they're going to want to see the baby all the time and to be honest - I'm not one for people turning up on me out of the blue...I really dislike it (you have a phone and so do I so use it to see if it's a good time first!). Selfish again?

I'm very independant and protective over my baby already and don't want too much grief from either side.

My mum had her mum stay for two weeks when I was born but I don't want that and I don't think it's fair on OH either. This is a special time for me, OH and baby.

I agree completely! This is exactly how I feel...and why I'm trying to figure a way around it all.

 

[Sweetpea7830]

I intend on making it a "ring before you leave" rule!!!

I know they will all want to see the little bundle, however, mummy and daddy need bonding time and mummy will no doubt be very tired!!!

GREAT idea! Mind if I steal it...?