When do you ask for help?

[anniepie]

Hi Ladies

This is my first time over on this part of the forum, and I feel a bit sad to be here...

I've been TTC#1 for a year in 2 weeks time. I'm not sure if this is considered LTTTC? But it sure as hell feels like it for me... I was so sure I was going to fall pregnant straight away- we had an oopsie 4 years ago which didn't last- we caught through condoms, and despite taking the MAP, so we were sure when the time was right it would be easy to fall again... but here we are, a year on, still no

My last cycle was a big tease- I was 2 days late compared with my longest LP to date, but was getting bfn's (I'm never late) and then bam, AF showed last thursday... to date I've managed OK, but this last cycle has really hit me hard, and I've dropped into a really low place and can't get myself out of it.

The question is, when do we decide that enough is enough and go seek help? I'm terrified of the prospect of doing that. Of admitting that something might not be right. But I'm more terrified of not being a mum...

I'm 33, DH is 37 in a couple of months, so we're no longer spring chickens with all the time in the world to have children, and we wanted 2-3 (right now I'd be happy with one)...

DH, I don't think, is ready to seek help yet. We did have a few months 'off' TT during the last year as we got married...but he doesn't get that it's still been a year in my mind and I'm struggling with that now...

Who would think that trying to have a baby would be so difficult?

 

[MrsAttard]

Generally speaking, the one year mark is about the time to consider whether there are issues preventing a successful pregnancy, but there are a lot of things to consider. Do you track your cycles? And are you regular? If you aren't then there's numerous things that your doctor can look into and test you for. There's also lifestyle choices to consider, from weight to smoking or drinking. There are several things that can effect a man's sperm quality, like smoking, medications, tight clothing, leaving a computer on his lap and even stress.

It's not uncommon for it to take a year or so to get pg, even when perfectly healthy, so I would research and consider your general healthfulness to see if there are any red flags. However, it's definitely worth bringing up to your dr, if only to get the ball rolling. Sometimes it's scary to ask because you're afraid that they will find something wrong. In my opinion, I would rather find out what the issue is and take small comfort in knowing, rather than continually try and not know why it doesn't happen.

Good luck! It WILL happen some day! That's my mantra!

 

[anniepie]

Thanks MrsAttard!

I do track my cycles (have done now for about 18 months since I came off BCP) and can see that all seems OK there- I get nice temp rises, so it looks like I O. I guess the only thing that looks slightly borderline is my LP- it's generally 10 days, but has been as low as 8, or as hight as 13 (last cycle!).

Neither of us smoke, neither of us are overweight. We're active, eat healthily. We could probably cut down on the booze slightly, but we definitely aren't big drinkers (perhaps a bottle of wine at the weekend between us and occasional glass midweek).

Stress I guess is a factor for me...but I don't think so much for DH.

I guess we'll probably give it another couple of months (that'll be 6 months post wedding) then take some steps to get checked out. I agree it's best knowing...I just never thought we'd need to explore other routes, especially given our past experience! I guess no one ever does, though, do they!?

 

[divenride]

I agree with MrsAttard & looking at the lifestyle things that may be causing issues & be honest about it. Beyond that if you feel you both are good there then I personally would get checked out. This is coming from someone who is now 39 been trying for 6 years & time flies soo quickly!!!! I at your age thought I had plenty of time & certainly when we started trying it would happen quickly. Little did I know there were big,big issues brewing just no real symptoms yet Now time truely is running out for me & I wish I would have slowed down & realized how important it was to me & that you can't stop time. I can beat myself up over this but who knows if it would have happened or not even when younger. Just saying if this is something you really,really want I would not wait. I still have not givin up hope & recently had surgery so my chances are better now then they were. Found my problems & they have been fixed to the best of my docs abitlities. Still not great but I will take anything at this point & keep fighting. Good luck with whatever you decide to do

 

[susan_1981]

We went to see the doctor after a year of trying. Well we started trying, I fell pregnant on my third cycle but sadly miscarried. We then started trying again straight after that and it was 7 months on that I went to the doctors. I was pretty sure something was up as we were trying at the right time every month. My doctor is really lovely and referred us for testing straight away. She said she usually says after about 6-7 months, she'll refer people.

So I'd say go to the doctors asap as it can be a long process if you do need fertility treatment. I know it can feel almost like you are admitting defeat but like I say, it can be a long winded process and I think it's best to get the ball rolling. It may be that there is a simple problem that can be fixed or you may just not need any treatment but I felt like it was best to have fertility treatment as a back up in case.

I really do sympathise with you. I know every month that your period arrives, it's heartbreaking, I found it especially hard in the first year. It took me over 3 years to finally fall pregnant (naturally believe it or not!) but I did find that with each month, it did get easier for me. I was still completely obsessed with TTC but I just tried to focus on the good things I did have in my life which some people never have or find.

So my advice would be definitely get checked sooner rather than later and maybe try pre-seed if you haven't already. I really hope that it happens naturally for you. Good luck xxx

 

[lilyV]

my dr had told me it can take a year to get preggo before the age for 30 before they'll refer you and two years after the age of third. We started in May 2010 when I was 28. In Jan of this year, I said hey, it's coming up to a year when I get a referral and have to wait to get booked w an ob/gyn. I got the referral from my dr and surprising got the appt in March. The tests are the first thing they go with and that takes time bc they're taken only on a certain day of your cycle. Talk w your dr and don't let you OH get to you. Remind him you're the one going through all this ish, he only has to provide the spermies.. GL