When do you stop being responsible for you child?

[Nibblenic]

Do you immediately think never!?

What about if they killed someone? Did drugs? Or even became the next noble prize winner? Good or bad would you always take the credit or the blame?

What about financially responsible? Up till they're 18? If they get into trouble? Or just forever until you die?

Or is it just till they no longer live with you anymore? Would you always see a roof over their head?

Once theryre and adult are they on thier own so to speak, in the big wide world?

Would you always be there emotionally for them? What if you felt they needed tough love?

Hope you see where im getting with this debate. As parents we go from taking full responsibility for you children as newborns to another end of the scale as they become adults.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Never really?

I am 24 and I still rely on my mum for things. I pay my own bills but when I am ill/sad/happy I phone her. She still makes my dentist apps for me lol. They have also bailed me out with bills a few times!

 

[labydird]

I think you always have a responsiblity to provide moral guiadance and values to your child. Of course, once your child is an adult, they are free to make their own choices, however you can still provide guidance and a good path for them to follow. Whether or not they choose to follow it will be their choice.

 

[lesleyann]

I dont think you ever really stop being responsible for them atleast in some ways, however it will depend of your relationship with your children to what they still need/want from you and what your willing to give

 

[ahcigar1]

You never stop being responsible for your kid. My mom is always telling me it's something that you can't turn off, the worry and wanting to help. Its something you live with the rest of your life. Whether through good or bad, sometimes financially. They are your kid and so will always need you.

 

[vaniilla]

for me its the same as asking do you ever stop being a parent? as long as he is my son he will always have me there and until he is old enough to be responsible for his own welfare (moves out, career, behaves like an adult etc) then I won't be responsible for his actions, however I will always be responsible for wellbeing, if he is ever sad, in a bad place, in trouble then I'll always be there whether he is 5 or 50 years old it won't matter

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I think as your child grows, you become responsible in different ways. I rely on my mom now for emotional support with things and I look to my dad for fun things.

With Alex, I'm responsible for his every need right now. As he grows, that role will change. When he goes to college, I'll be responsible for helping him get through his education and when he gets married, I'll be responsible for being there for him and his wife and helping support them by being a grandma

 

[BabyJayne]

I think you do stop being responsible for them, but you always have a responsibility to them, if that makes sense.

My mum passed away seven years ago but I know my dad is always there for me, in whatever capacity I need him, emotionally, physically etc. He is not responsible for my actions or my decisions anymore, because I am an adult, but he obviously feels a responsibility to me as his daughter and because he loves me.

At the moment DH and I are responsible for Madeline - and will be until she becomes an adult. Then we have to hope we have equipped her with the right life skills, morals, ambition and reasoning to choose the right path and make the right decisions for her life and well being.

If (God forbid) she did something in the future like the OP mentions that goes against what we will be teaching her, like hurt someone or turned to heavy drugs, then I probably would question myself, and wonder whether it was any of my doing and therefore my responsibility, or if it was more a case of environmental factors, etc.

I guess what I am saying is if children are brought up with a good moral standing, safe from abuse and harm and taught right from wrong, then they are equipped with the tools they need to be responsible for their own actions. If they don't have this, then maybe parents do have to take some responsibility for any decisions they take in life that cause harm or upset to others.

Really good question by the way Nibblenic!

 

[PeanutBean]

I agree with BabyJayne on the distinction between being responsible for and towards them. When I had my first from day one I realised that as a parent our role is to support our children in moving away from us. Every development takes them closer to independence and there does have to be a time when their decisions lead the direction their life takes rather than ours as parents. But we should always be supporting them, guiding them, offering advice, our wisdom and experience, helping them when they make mistakes etc etc. Everything we do shapes them and the decisions and direction they take in life and in that sense we are always responsible for the baggage (good and bad) that they carry with them throughout life that started with our parenting choices.

 

[deafgal]

Do you immediately think never!?

What about if they killed someone? Did drugs? Or even became the next noble prize winner? Good or bad would you always take the credit or the blame?

What about financially responsible? Up till they're 18? If they get into trouble? Or just forever until you die?

Or is it just till they no longer live with you anymore? Would you always see a roof over their head?

Once theryre and adult are they on thier own so to speak, in the big wide world?

Would you always be there emotionally for them? What if you felt they needed tough love?

Hope you see where im getting with this debate. As parents we go from taking full responsibility for you children as newborns to another end of the scale as they become adults.

I am a mom, and I will instinctively feel responsible for his upbringing if he ended up in prison.And I always will be there for my kids even if they broke my heart and put me to shame.

 

[smelly07]

I am always going to be a mum and so will always feel responsible for them... i will always be there for my girls in whatever way i can and am able to.... i will always love them and be there for them no matter what they do....unconditional love.

 

[Lightworker]

Never.

No matter how old she is, her, and later on, her family, will always be my responsibility. She will never be homeless, vulnerable etc etc. I will be there for her willingly.

One exception might be if she somehow got involved with drugs, or some such bad habit, where my helping her was actually enabling her downfall. Then, no I would be there for her, by not being there for her..if that makes sense. x

 

[lhancock90]

Always, i don't think the responsibility ever goes away. I'm almost 21 and i still rely on my Mum for advice, support, lunch

 

[Laura2919]

Im 24 and I rely on my parents a lot. If something needs fixing/doing in the flat then I call my dad.
When I need help with my tax returns, finances and other bits I go to my mum.

I suppose in that sense you are always responsible for them. Who knows maybe everyone decides that they arent at different ages.

 

[MonstHer]

I would stop once certain crimes entered the scenario, like drugs or violence.

 

[lhancock90]

I would stop once certain crimes entered the scenario, like drugs or violence.

Drugs? Really? If your child became addicted to heroin and needed someone to intervene you would turn your back? I can understand murder etc but drugs or alcohol addiction, i wouldn't stop till i'd sorted them out.

 

[moomin_troll]

instantly i thought forever!

if my boys became wife beaters, id see it as my job to kick their ass and sort them out. if they killed someoneas in serial killers, id blame myself but ofcourse it should be them who are punished.
if they became addicted to drugs, id be the one locking them in a room so they coudnt get more.
they are my boys and id always be there for them.
if they grew up to be amazing men, id be so proud of them but wouldnt think about thanking myself lol

 

[MonstHer]

I would stop once certain crimes entered the scenario, like drugs or violence.

Drugs? Really? If your child became addicted to heroin and needed someone to intervene you would turn your back? I can understand murder etc but drugs or alcohol addiction, i wouldn't stop till i'd sorted them out.

That's right. I'd try of course for a little while but really,
no tolerance for drugs here. I'm the only one out of my entire family who didn't use drugs. My mother died from heroin, my brother whom I love dearly is currently addicted to meth.
Sometimes people can't be sorted out no matter how much help you give them. They've got to make the decision themselves.

 

[MrsGlitz]

I think you do stop being responsible for them, but you always have a responsibility to them, if that makes sense.

My mum passed away seven years ago but I know my dad is always there for me, in whatever capacity I need him, emotionally, physically etc. He is not responsible for my actions or my decisions anymore, because I am an adult, but he obviously feels a responsibility to me as his daughter and because he loves me.

At the moment DH and I are responsible for Madeline - and will be until she becomes an adult. Then we have to hope we have equipped her with the right life skills, morals, ambition and reasoning to choose the right path and make the right decisions for her life and well being.

If (God forbid) she did something in the future like the OP mentions that goes against what we will be teaching her, like hurt someone or turned to heavy drugs, then I probably would question myself, and wonder whether it was any of my doing and therefore my responsibility, or if it was more a case of environmental factors, etc.

I guess what I am saying is if children are brought up with a good moral standing, safe from abuse and harm and taught right from wrong, then they are equipped with the tools they need to be responsible for their own actions. If they don't have this, then maybe parents do have to take some responsibility for any decisions they take in life that cause harm or upset to others.

Really good question by the way Nibblenic!

Excellent post.

My mum also died 7 years ago and my Dad isn't really in my life. As such my aunt and uncle (who took on my younger siblings) are my emotional support and I turn to them for advice. So much so that we are moving to be closer to them (they live about 200 miles away).

 

[ahcigar1]

I would stop once certain crimes entered the scenario, like drugs or violence.

I have to disagree with this. Something like murder I could see, but coming from personal experience with a family situation with a cousin of mine who ran into some bad times and bad decisions and dipped into the drug world temporarily. The last thing his parents did was turn their back on him. Often times that is when your child needs you the most. They tried many different tacticts, and eventually did kick him out of the house to live on the streets of LA for a bit. And that was one of the best things they did for him because then he saw where he was headed and came running back wanting to straighten up only about a week later. But they never turned on him, never stopped loving him, and never stopped being a parent to him, or anything else. They found a way to help him. Being a parent and supporting your children is a job that you have for the rest of your life through the good and bad. Its just that over time your job changes.