When do you stop being responsible for you child?

[MonstHer]

Right. Please refer to my other post for elaboration.
I definitely wouldn't stop loving or caring for my child, but there really is so much one can do with a serious drug addict.
They need to help themselves.

 

[lhancock90]

Right. Please refer to my other post for elaboration.
I definitely wouldn't stop loving or caring for my child, but there really is so much one can do with a serious drug addict.
They need to help themselves.

I understand where you are coming from, obviously you've experienced drugs, but i honestly think your opinion may change once your Bump arrives.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I agree with the above. Our whole perception of the world changes when you hold that baby for the first time.

 

[MonstHer]

I hope not, because I have seen what addict children do to the rest of the family and to the mother. If not properly dealt with, they destroy everything and everyone.
The alienation of one selfish child is definitely worth the rest of family's health and well being. She can come back when she's clean or wants help, and is no longer poisonous.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Wow. I would never call my child poisonous.

 

[MonstHer]

All drug addicts are poisonous while on drugs.

 

[moomin_troll]

while its easy to say u feel different once ur childs here its also different when uve had experiences with addicts.

like myself i have zero sympathy/time for alcoholics because ive grown up around them. i would find it hard to support my boys if one became alcohol dependant

 

[lhancock90]

while its easy to say u feel different once ur childs here its also different when uve had experiences with addicts.

like myself i have zero sympathy/time for alcoholics because ive grown up around them. i would find it hard to support my boys if one became alcohol dependant

I grew up with an alcoholic father and had we all given up on him. He would be dead. It makes me sad that you both feel this way but it is your choice, i just know i would never turn my back, or not feel responsible for my daughter

 

[MonstHer]

Oh, I'd feel responsible, and probably guilty as well.
But I still wouldn't help or let the addict contaminate the rest of the family while she/he were actively using and not wanting to stop.

 

[cherryglitter]

i will always be responsible for my children.
my dad is one of the sad ones who said when we're 18 that's it. we're out on our own. (which is very different in the way his parents treat him!!!)
my mum decided to stop being responsible for us when i was 6 and my brother was 3. go figure.

i will always be there for jake (and bump) no matter what.

 

[lhancock90]

Oh, I'd feel responsible, and probably guilty as well.
But I still wouldn't help or let the addict contaminate the rest of the family while she/he were actively using and not wanting to stop.

you've used words like contaminate and infect. My Dad is/was an alcoholic and i've known people who have been seriously addicted to drugs. I wouldn't say they contaminate a family?

 

[MonstHer]

Oh, I'd feel responsible, and probably guilty as well.
But I still wouldn't help or let the addict contaminate the rest of the family while she/he were actively using and not wanting to stop.

you've used words like contaminate and infect. My Dad is/was an alcoholic and i've known people who have been seriously addicted to drugs. I wouldn't say they contaminate a family?

I'm not sure what type of response you want to that? That is the way I see drug addicts. I'm sorry if my wording offends you.
An addict does change the dynamics of an entire family, even if only subtly.
That is why often it is recommended the whole family go to counseling while the addict either refuses or receives help.

 

[moomin_troll]

while its easy to say u feel different once ur childs here its also different when uve had experiences with addicts.

like myself i have zero sympathy/time for alcoholics because ive grown up around them. i would find it hard to support my boys if one became alcohol dependant

I grew up with an alcoholic father and had we all given up on him. He would be dead. It makes me sad that you both feel this way but it is your choice, i just know i would never turn my back, or not feel responsible for my daughter

i havent said how i feel other then id find it harder to support my boys, i never said i wouldnt. and id never turn my back on them.

as for my dad i wish hed drop dead i wouldnt waste my time trying to help him when he wont help himself.....but thats a whole other story.

 

[lhancock90]

Oh, I'd feel responsible, and probably guilty as well.
But I still wouldn't help or let the addict contaminate the rest of the family while she/he were actively using and not wanting to stop.

you've used words like contaminate and infect. My Dad is/was an alcoholic and i've known people who have been seriously addicted to drugs. I wouldn't say they contaminate a family?

I'm not sure what type of response you want to that? That is the way I see drug addicts. I'm sorry if my wording offends you.
An addict does change the dynamics of an entire family, even if only subtly.
That is why often it is recommended the whole family go to counseling while the addict either refuses or receives help.

It doesn't offend me i find it sad that your own experiences have hardened you whereas mine have given me a totally different perspective. I guess addiction changes the people around in different ways.

 

[ahcigar1]

Oh, I'd feel responsible, and probably guilty as well.
But I still wouldn't help or let the addict contaminate the rest of the family while she/he were actively using and not wanting to stop.

you've used words like contaminate and infect. My Dad is/was an alcoholic and i've known people who have been seriously addicted to drugs. I wouldn't say they contaminate a family?

I'm not sure what type of response you want to that? That is the way I see drug addicts. I'm sorry if my wording offends you.
An addict does change the dynamics of an entire family, even if only subtly.
That is why often it is recommended the whole family go to counseling while the addict either refuses or receives help.

Yes it does effect the whole family. I've had 2 cousins who were alcoholics, and the cousin mentioned before who was addicted to drugs for some time. And thier choices did effect all of us. My cousins situation especially effected me at the time, and I really really struggled with it, even blamed myself for his choices, but none of us turned our backs on them and never would imagine doing so in the future. That is a time when that person needs thier family the most to help them in some way. Not by supporting it but by trying to get them some help, try to guide them back on the correct route, or doing what my aunt and uncle had to do and temporarily let them see for themselves where they are headed. But addicts need help and they do have a disease and can't cure it on their own. It is the family's job in my opinion to find out what that particular individual needs to get them that help and to see the light. often times there is a background reason for thier addiction as well. In no way are they a poison though. And in all honesty I think that if I took your route or any of my family to the route that you prefer and something did happen to them, we would all be in more pain than if we hadn't tried in some way to help them.

 

[MonstHer]

I did not say I wouldn't try to help them. I said quite the opposite in nearly all my posts.
I'm only saying there is a point I would quit.
Sometimes what works for one person, does not work for another to get them clean.
I'm very happy for both of you that you've found something that worked for your family members.
However, love does not conqueur all, and to save the rest of I would cut off one.

Luckily for me, years of drug counseling has helped me to recognize certain things in user behavior letting me know when to call it quits.
Call this hardened or whatever wording one may choose, but hopefully I will never be too blinded by love to recognize it, be it child, spouse, cousin, etc.